To Take a Step Back
by UrbanMuse
Summary: Against the backdrop of several significant events in each of their lives, Mac and Jo make an effort to reexamine their deteriorating relationship and discover that sometimes taking a step back is the only way to move forward... Sequel to "Too Late...?" - Takes place after Episode 9.17 - Numerous spoilers for season 9
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: CSI NY and the characters therein don't belong to me - just the ideas in my story. No copyright infringement intended; no profit being made.**

**A/N: This story carries on directly from "Too Late…?" and, just like its prequel, will contain numerous references to events from Season 9, particularly the final episode 9.17. Unfortunately, it probably won't make much sense without having both read the first fic and seen the season finale. I apologize to those of you who aren't that far along in the series yet – I do have a few, more generic JAC fics in mind, and will get to them soon. But I just had to get this one written as my muse saw the season finale as somewhat of a challenge to JAC shippers, and just couldn't pass up rising to meet it…**

_**End of Previous Story, "Too Late…?":**_

'_Today is life. The only one we're sure of. Make the most of today.' The words rang through his head, for perhaps the hundredth time since Tori Bell had uttered them in the Precinct the day before. He'd taken one giant leap towards making the most of his life. But he realized, in that moment, that he'd really only just begun taking the meaning of those words to heart. Just barely begun reconciling his life with the true sentiment behind that message. He still had a lot of catching up to do. But he had the whole day in front of him. He knew he and Jo still needed to talk. About so many things. Hopefully it wasn't too late. And he rose, heading in the same direction she'd taken just a few minutes before. _

…**To Take a Step Back…**

**Chapter 1: One Foot in Front of the Other**

After leaving the café, Mac kept up a determined pace, trying his best to catch up to Jo. Given the direction she was headed, and the fact she clearly wasn't feeling well, he wanted to assume she would just return to her apartment. Yet he had to acknowledge the fact that she could be headed anywhere by now, especially if she didn't care to be pursued…or caught. And he had the gnawing sense that that just might be the case following her abrupt departure from the café. Or, more precisely, following her unexpected revelation just before. _'I did all that…because I love you Mac Taylor. Always have. Always will. I hope you see that.'_

He shook his head, still somewhat unwilling to accept the words she'd spoken to him barely five minutes ago. He knew he hadn't misunderstood them; he'd heard exactly what she'd said. Surely, then, he'd misinterpreted them. His brow furrowed slightly. Under the right parameters, he could certainly admit to "loving" Jo. To loving every member of the team, to be honest. Each in a certain, unique way. All in the platonic sense, of course. The love that one would bestow upon those who make up one's dearest friends and closest colleagues. Those to whom one entrusts one's life, literally and figuratively, day in and day out, on such a scale that the perception of "family" becomes transformed, so that those people, and one's feelings for them, seem nearly to transcend all others.

He knew he certainly felt that way about Jo. And he wasn't at all surprised that she would feel the same towards him. Since her arrival at the Lab, she'd seemed to fit in seamlessly, bringing a much needed breath of maternalistic warmth, steadfast calm, and quirky humor all in one package; hand in hand, of course, with her exceptional abilities in the professional realm. He couldn't imagine the Lab without her now, couldn't imagine his job as head of that Lab without her there beside him. Although, he grudgingly reminded himself, those feelings had perhaps not been reflected in his behavior towards her of late.

But Mac couldn't quite dispel the notion that when Jo had spoken those words, they had seemed to come from somewhere much deeper than that bond of trust and affection that grew up over time among those on the job. And despite her playful attitude, the glint in her eye, the quirk of a smile that graced her lips when she'd spoken, Mac knew he'd sensed something more profound in her words. He had known her for too long, come to know her too well, for her to be able to conceal every nuance behind her thoughts and actions from him - despite her renowned talents in that department.

As he turned the next corner with still no sign of Jo, he slowed slightly, beginning to worry he'd been wrong in heading towards her place to begin with. Pulling out his phone to call her, it vibrated suddenly in his hand and a text from Christine appeared, encouraging him to invite Jo to dinner next weekend. He smiled at Christine's persistence, but it faded quickly as he realized she was currently operating in a bubble, far from privy to everything that was going on with him and Jo, and thus unaware of the relative inconsequence of a dinner invitation at the moment. His attention turning back to the matter at hand, he dialed Jo's cell, but after several rings he was routed to voicemail. He promptly hung up, assuming she wouldn't likely listen to a message now anyway.

Trusting his intuition, more out of necessity than conviction, he continued on the most direct route to her apartment. A block away, he finally caught sight of her just as she hurriedly turned a corner. He called out, but she either hadn't heard, or didn't want to. He picked up his pace, and just as he rounded the same corner to turn onto her block, he saw her open the front doorway of her building. He could have sworn she paused ever so slightly, cast a surreptitious glance his way, before disappearing inside. But perhaps he was just imagining it. He watched as the automatic door began to slowly swing shut. Realizing that he had no more than a few seconds to catch it, he broke into a run.

-/-/-/-/-

When Jo had hurriedly left the café, the foremost thought in her mind was that she _would_ make it home before she allowed herself to be sick. She didn't care what Mac thought - of her, of her sudden exit, or of anything she'd just said. All she wanted was to get away from the café, away from him, away from anyplace remotely 'public' and lock herself away in her apartment, where she could burrow under her covers and let the rest of the day pass her by. Until her brain quit throbbing, her stomach returned to its usual place of residence in her midsection, and she could take a step back and calmly think about…everything.

The two blocks to her building had never seemed longer. Although the rush of cool air outside was a vast improvement over the pungent warmth of the café, she knew it wasn't enough to instantly soothe away the damage she'd managed to inflict last night with that bottle of Scotch. Her temples pounded in time with her boot heels as they struck the sidewalk with each step. Her stomach churned in response to the recoil from every movement. Her dry throat forced itself to swallow repeatedly in an effort to suppress the ever-mounting urge to just accept defeat, rid her stomach of everything within, and be done. She willed her mind to think of something, anything, besides how truly horrible she felt at that moment.

Yet her mind merely taunted her, appeasing her desire for distraction from her physical distress, but doing so by replaying over and over again what had just happened in the café. Good Lord, the expression that had crept over Mac's face after she'd uttered those three little words... She'd spoken them openly, innocently, truthfully. Almost on a whim. She knew that in theory what she'd said warranted no embarrassment on her part, certainly no attachment of guilt. Of course she loved him. As any close colleague would. As any good friend should. Yet she couldn't quell the sense of unease blossoming somewhere deep inside of her. And she wasn't convinced it was stemming only from Mac's reaction to her utterance.

But what a reaction it had been. The expression on his face had reflected a sudden storm of intense emotion: shock, discomfort, fear, disbelief, perhaps even a hint of hesitant curiosity. She had to admit that from his point of view, it must have seemed rather odd that barely a moment later, she'd hightailed it right out of there. Run away. As if she were, in actuality, embarrassed…even guilt-ridden…by what she'd said. And of course, that just made it all the more believable that those three little words actually meant much more than she'd ever intended. Certainly much more than she really felt. Of course she loved Mac Taylor. But she didn't _love_ him. That would be, well… impertinent, among other things…and on so many levels - she couldn't even begin to analyze them…

Her phone rang suddenly, startling her. Pulling it out of her pocket, she saw Mac's name flash on the screen. Another wave of unease swept through her, not unlike the swell of nausea surging through her body at the same moment. Shaking her head, she jammed the phone back into her jeans. Now was not the time for discussion. Nor introspection. Pushing every thought from her mind, she decided to simply focus on getting home, placing one foot in front of the other, establishing a rhythm that lulled her into believing that everything was just fine. She wasn't going to succumb to her body's condescending demands to rid itself, right then and there, of the traces of last night's poor judgment. Nor would she yield to her mind's cajoling insistence that she'd just committed some terrible faux pas that would create yet another source of disharmony between her and Mac. She would go home, accept her fate, and then sleep it off. She'd have to talk with Mac. But then that is what he'd wanted. And she too, albeit under different conditions. It would just have to come a bit later than they'd planned. It had been due for several months anyway now…any further delay could hardly make matters worse.

Finally arriving in front of her building, she breathed a cautious sigh of relief and began punching in the code on the security pad. Just as she pulled open the door, she caught a vague movement out of the corner of her eye and thrust a subtle glance in the direction from which she'd just come.

It was Mac. Just rounding the corner. Following her. Only half a block away. _Damn._ She hesitated just a moment on the threshold. Her mind urging her to turn back…and engage him, be done with this once and for all; her body urging her to move forwards…and escape him, put it off yet again. In the end, her body's needs prevailed over her mind's desires and she stepped through the doorway, pulling on the handle to encourage it to close even faster. She strode across the lobby to catch the elevator just as her elderly neighbor exited, wrangling a bulky shopping trolley behind her. Jo mumbled an incoherent greeting as she breezed past, guilty that she didn't offer to help but knowing she wouldn't be capable of providing much now anyway. Once in the elevator, she pressed her finger lightly onto the button for her floor, then stabbed it into the 'Door Close' button, holding it firmly there until she arrived at her destination.

-/-/-/-/-

Despite Mac's valiant sprint over the last twenty feet, the door to Jo's building slammed closed with a bang, locking automatically a mere second before his hand could grasp the handle. Through the glass of the lobby door, he could see Jo entering the elevator, an elderly tenant having just exited, pulling a shopping caddy and heading towards the front. Her pace was agonizing: a deep breath, one foot sliding along the floor, followed by the other, culminating in a yank on the shopping cart, the whole process recommencing from the beginning. Mac stepped aside, trying to quell his impatience as his eyes shifted from the woman, to the closing elevator doors, back to the woman. Finally arriving at the entry, she struggled to open the heavy door. As soon as she pushed it far enough to disengage the lock, Mac gratefully pulled it wide, holding it open for her while she maneuvered outside. She nodded at him in thanks, and went about her way as he entered. Noting both elevators were headed upwards, he opted for the stairs, taking them two at a time until he reached the exit to her floor, not convinced she would open her door to him if she'd already entered her apartment.

But exiting onto the fourth floor lobby, he realized he'd had nothing to worry about. Her door had been left ajar. So she'd seen him after all, and not only anticipated his arrival, but prepared for it. Relieved, he slowed a moment to wipe his brow, taking deep, measured breaths in an attempt to calm his rapid breathing. But he paused just at the doorway on seeing Jo's keys still sticking out of the lock. Uncertainty took over, as he realized she likely hadn't left the door open for him. She'd just been in a hurry. He grabbed the keyring and pushed the door open further, glancing inside but seeing no one. After only a moment's hesitation, he entered, closing the door behind him and scanning the living room, the sofa and chairs, his gaze lingering a moment at the coffee table before moving on to take in the kitchen doorway and hall... He began heading further in when he suddenly heard noise from the far hallway. He opened his mouth to call out her name, but froze upon realizing that the noise was coming from the hall bathroom, and that she was clearly in the throes of being violently ill.

He moved forwards ever so slightly, first one foot, then the other, not wanting to intrude, but concerned about her well-being nonetheless. Hovering just at the entrance to the hallway, he debated his next move. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass her. Or startle her, for that matter. Yet he didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone. She hadn't seemed herself this morning, physically or emotionally. And they clearly hadn't finished their conversation. Hadn't even started really. At least not in the sense he'd expected. If anything, he was more confused now than ever. Trying to afford her some minimal level of privacy, he took a step back, ending up just around the corner where the hall joined at an angle with the kitchen. And he waited.

-/-/-/-/-

Having exited the elevator, Jo had barely managed to maneuver her keys in the lock, step into her apartment, and give a quick push to the door behind her without even turning to see if it had latched. She'd launched herself towards the bathroom, wishing that she could purge everything about the past day from her body, her mind, her soul, whatever part of her that happened to retain even the slightest remnant of the past twenty four hours of her existence. If only she could take a step back and just start yesterday over…

Five minutes later she sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, knees curled under her at an uncomfortable angle, her face buried in her hands, her breath ragged, her body shivering. As her stomach gradually began to settle, she reached out to flush the toilet and slowly stood up, leaning heavily on the sink and hazarding a glance at herself in the mirror. Not one of her better days. She splashed some cold water on her face, rinsed her mouth and grabbed a tissue to wipe off the mascara smudges from under her eyes. All she wanted to do was hibernate in her bedroom for the rest of the day. After she fetched the largest glass of water she could possibly find in the kitchen. She walked slowly down the hall, her head cast downwards, her hand trailing along the wall to guide her. But as she turned the corner towards the kitchen, she ran directly into Mac, himself just rounding the corner towards her.

Startled beyond belief, the identity of the figure not even fully registering in her brain, she took an unsteady step back as a muted yelp escaped from the back of her throat. Acting on raw impulse, untempered by her alcohol-dulled senses, her right arm lashed out just as the hand was balling itself into a fist. She caught Mac completely unaware with a fairly well-aimed, albeit slightly shaky, right hook to the cheek.

Mac took a step back in an effort to maintain his balance, drawing in a sharp intake of breath through his clenched teeth as his arm rose to block any further attempts to assault him. Jo immediately yanked her arm back towards her own body, covering her mouth in horror, her eyes wide. Good God, she'd just clocked her boss in the side of the head. She'd only realized too late, just as she'd made contact with his face – those mesmerizing, deep hazel eyes of his staring back at her in complete surprise and awe as he'd seemed to register in his mind what was about to happen, yet remained incapable of responding in any way, defensive, or otherwise.

Frowning as the realization of what had just transpired hit him harder than the actual punch, Mac gingerly rubbed his cheek and glared at Jo. "Ow!" He exclaimed, rather belatedly, his brow creased in astonishment. Jo was momentarily at a loss for words, but upon seeing that he wasn't terribly hurt, she felt herself becoming irritated more and more by his unannounced presence. She moved slightly away from him, her arms planting themselves on her hips.

"Jesus, Mac. What the hell are you doing in my apartment? I'm pretty certain I didn't invite you in… I didn't even know you were here."

He immediately caught the harshness in her voice and frowned, having expected at the very least an apology. But judging from the look on her face, she was more angry than he was, and he moved quickly to explain his presence. "You didn't have to invite me. You're door was already open. Your keys still in the lock." He fumbled in his pocket for a moment, then held them out to her. "Here."

She hesitated, as if she didn't believe they were really hers. Mac, now on the verge of annoyed impatience, glanced around and instead, placed them on the small hall table next to her.

He took a long, slow breath, trying to calm himself. He knew she was already on edge; he didn't want to escalate the situation. He could see the anger rising up in her expression and tried to think of how to dispel it. He'd come here to talk. Not fight. "Jo, calm down. I was worried about you, that's all. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. When you ran out of the café...after you…"

She shook her head, raising her hands up between them as if they could serve as a barrier against the words he'd been about to speak. "Look, Mac. I'm really not in the mood for your concern, or your company right now. I'm just…not…" She frowned, trying to figure out what she was saying. "It's just…"

Ignoring her rebuke, a soft smile began playing at the corners of his mouth. "It's just that you have a world class hangover right about now and don't want to talk to me?"

She frowned, her eyes narrowing suddenly, her gaze piercing. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

His smile growing, he nodded his head towards the coffee table behind him in the living room, the scotch bottle sitting atop it next to an empty glass.

Her gaze followed his and she cringed. "Oh, darn. I thought I put that away." She mumbled, sighing as she ran her fingers absently through her hair.

She shook her head, then looked rather guiltily over at Mac, her shoulders sagging ever so slightly. She noted a look of mild consternation on his face and immediately jumped to conclusions as to its cause. Her voice again took on an edge, although this time it was more of a defensive nature, than of anger. "Don't worry, Mac. I'm not on shift. Not on call. I'm on 24 hour admin leave after the shooting. All I could do is sit at a desk and fill out paperwork. I didn't jeopardize the job in any way…"

He frowned. "Jo, it's not the job I was concerned about. It's you. Another time, I might just laugh this off except for the fact that I know you shot someone yesterday. And that worries me. That this is how you chose to deal with it when you came home last night."

She sighed loudly. "I'm pretty sure I was choosing not to deal with it last night…," she mumbled, the words barely audible under her breath, but Mac heard everything as she moved past him, on her way towards the couch. As she rounded the arm, she bumped into the corner of the coffee table, eliciting a cry of pain from between her gritted teeth. She grabbed onto the back of the couch cushion to keep herself from falling over as she balanced shakily on her good leg.

Mac frowned as he stood watching her. "Are you still drunk?" He began slowly walking towards the living area, his gaze never leaving her.

She groaned, massaging her shin and shaking her head negatively. "Believe me, there is no longer an ounce of alcohol left in any part of my body right now, and there won't be any for a good, long while." Her arm rose from her leg to cradle her stomach momentarily, as if she were reliving her earlier experience in the bathroom. She sighed. "All that's left are the miserable after-effects of my ill-fated decision to bare my soul to a bottle of whiskey last night instead of just going to bed. And this…," she paused, hiking up the leg of her jeans and wincing at the stark red blotch already appearing on her skin, "…this is just me being a klutz." She shook her head. "Nothing new to see here…show's over. You can go home now Mac. I'm fine. I'm going to go lie down. For the rest of the weekend…"

In spite of himself, Mac stifled a chuckle, her sudden joking tone serving to remind him just how much he had missed her wit and humor, their playful banter. He knew he was the reason for her withdrawn stoicism of late. And he also knew that despite her easy tone just now, her mood, deep down, was likely far from playful. Nothing akin to her old, jovial self, even though he had the sense she was trying to lead him to think she had stepped back into that persona for the moment. No, he sensed a hint of self deprecation in her words – as well as sadness, frustration, even loneliness, and a fair amount of discomfort at the fact that he was here. He took a step towards the arm chair nearby, knowing they still needed to talk – about everything from the state of their relationship to the shooting yesterday to…other things. And the sooner they did so, the better. "Jo…if you needed to "bare your soul", you could have talked to me. Confided in me. Any time, Jo. And in any case, I'm here now. Let's talk. About the shooting, if you'd like. And maybe…other things…about what you said earlier…"

She cut him off in record time, her tone one of clipped annoyance. "Please Mac. Not now. Just leave me alone. We can do this another time. When my brain and body and everything else are functioning at least somewhere closer to full capacity. I just really can't do this right now."

He sighed, knowing she was probably right. She was in no state to have a heart to heart talk now. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her. Not until he at least had some vague sense of the motivation behind what she'd said in the café. Unfortunately, she seemed to have no interest in revisiting her earlier comment. Whether it was due to her physical state, or rather her mental one, he couldn't be certain. He thought a moment, and an idea formed. "Well, at least sit down then. You're dehydrated. I'll go get you something to drink. It'll make a world of difference in how you feel…"

Jo sighed loudly, closing her eyes for a moment in defeat. She no longer possessed the energy to argue with anything that Mac might suggest so she didn't bother even responding. Instead, she sank down onto the couch, immediately stretching out and covering her eyes with her arm. If Mac going to get her something to drink meant he'd leave her alone for even a few minutes, she was more than happy with that.

The sudden thought danced through her mind that she'd never apologized for hitting him. "There's ice in the freezer if you want some for your face…," she mumbled, and then turned her body as if she were finding a comfortable position in which to sleep.

Mac stood staring at her a long moment, the words Christine had spoken to him just before leaving this morning suddenly popping into his mind. _"Enjoy yourself. Go cheer up Jo. Do something fun together. And find out if she has someone special in her life."_ He didn't seem to be making a great deal of progress on any of those items. But in any case, he had promised Jo something to drink. At least he could carry through on that. And see where it got him. Mac made his way to the kitchen and began a quick inventory of what she had. Finally finding the ingredients he needed, he began preparing something he hoped would help her feel better, at least physically. Which would hopefully, in turn, make her feel more comfortable with his presence. And perhaps encourage her to open up. Like teaching a small child to walk, placing one foot in front of the other, until it just happened. They had the whole day ahead of them to get it right.

**A/N: Next chapter up soon (as in this weekend). **


	2. Chapter 2

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_Mac stood staring at her a long moment, the words Christine had spoken to him just before leaving this morning suddenly popping into his mind. __"Enjoy yourself. Go cheer up Jo. Do something fun together. And find out if she has someone special in her life."__ He didn't seem to be making a great deal of progress on any of those items. But in any case, he had promised Jo something to drink. At least he could carry through on that. And see where it got him. Mac made his way to the kitchen and began a quick inventory of what she had. Finally finding the ingredients he needed, he began preparing something he hoped would help her feel better, at least physically. Which would hopefully, in turn, make her feel more comfortable with his presence. And perhaps encourage her to open up. Like teaching a small child to walk, placing one foot in front of the other, until it just happened. They had the whole day ahead of them to get it right._

**Chapter 2: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

As Mac puttered around Jo's kitchen, he couldn't help but notice how amazingly organized, spotlessly clean and quite well stocked it was, despite the fact he knew she'd been working double shifts and then some the entire week long. He'd noticed a variety of snacks and drinks, both healthy and…not, the fruit bowl was nearly overflowing, and there were neat plastic containers of leftovers in the refrigerator, as well as the basic ingredients for a few simple meals. But not a single take out carton or pizza box in site. He had to admit this was not really what he'd expected to find. Certainly not at the tail end of a busy week. As he finished the drink for Jo, he pondered how she managed to stay on top of her household, her family, her life in general, all as a single mom, with a job whose hours made a near mockery of the concepts of a regular schedule and personal time.

He realized that, in fact, he was not very knowledgeable about Jo's personal life outside of the Lab, other than what she'd shared with him on occasion during one of their impromptu chats. Whether in his office, out for a burger, or on the way to a scene, they'd never been at a loss for conversation. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was, however, well aware that whenever their conversations had taken a personal turn, it was always Jo that took it in that direction. Asked him about his life. Told him what she chose to divulge about hers. And she had always done so in such an easy-going, friendly manner that it had never really occurred to him that she was likely not sharing even the half of it. He suddenly regretted that he hadn't made more of an effort to ask _her_ some of those questions. He regretted even more that he hadn't even _thought _to make that effort. Sure, he listened. Which he knew was an important skill. And often had the added benefit of putting people at ease and encouraging them to open up further. But he also knew, that if he ever hoped to really get to know her, he'd have to do more than just sit back and wait. Her personality tended to mislead one into thinking she was an open book, when in reality, she was actually quite guarded.

He froze suddenly, realizing he hadn't even given a second thought to his use of the past tense. As if their exchanges, their friendship even, were, in truth, a thing of the past, existing only in his memories. But honestly, he couldn't justify using the present. Not right now. He glanced at the doorway, towards the living room…where he hoped Jo was waiting for him to come back, and not waiting for him to leave her alone. Perhaps today would be the day to bring those memories back to life in the present.

As he pushed the refrigerator door closed a final time, a small yellow sticky note fluttered down from its surface and got stuck to his shoe. Bending down to pluck it off, his eyes caught a word or two and he couldn't help himself from going back and reading the short exchange from the beginning. It was clearly between Ellie and Jo, likely over the span of a day or two, penned in what he assumed was Ellie's neat penmanship alternating with Jo's recognizable scrawl. _'Mom, need lunch $! – In jar in hall. – It's empty…you owe me! – Add it onto my tab. - $56.83 and counting!' _He chuckled and stuck it back onto the door where it had been. He felt oddly comforted by its presence, evidence that the quirky, disorganized part of her personality that he found so endearing, had managed to survive, despite the unfamiliar neatness in her kitchen.

A moment later, Mac walked back into the living room, carrying a large glass and a bottle of painkillers. He paused in front of Jo's inert form on the couch, wondering if she hadn't fallen asleep. He had certainly taken his time in the kitchen, ruminating over their friendship. He was about to turn back and put the glass into the refrigerator for later, when she stirred slightly and cracked open one eye to stare at him. He shot her a goofy smile and she found herself unable to resist a small smile in return. She sat up slowly, the room still having a tendency to spin when she moved too quickly. Mac approached and sat down in the chair nearby. After opening the container of pills and fishing out two of them, he held out the drink to her. "Here. It'll make you feel a lot better, I guarantee."

Hesitantly taking the proffered glass, she sniffed at the contents and her nose wrinkled. She glanced back up at him as she pushed the glass back into his hand. "What on earth is this? A milkshake? You want me to drink milk with a hangover?" She looked at him as if he'd just offered her something that was well past its expiration date. "Lord, even the thought makes me think I should have just stayed in the bathroom…"

He frowned. "It's got banana and honey and milk in it… Milk to soothe the stomach and rehydrate your body. Honey to build up your depleted blood sugar levels. Banana to replenish the electrolytes and potassium lost to the diuretic effect of the alcohol. And here, a couple ibuprofen – it's gentler than aspirin on your liver, which could already be compromised from the level of liqu…"

Jo put her hands over her ears and groaned loudly. "Agghh! Mac! Enough with the science. We're not at the Lab. I'm not the subject in some experimental analysis of hangover cures here." She glared at him, but seeing a hint of disappointment pass fleetingly across his eyes, her gaze softened markedly. He was only trying to help. Last night she could only have dreamt of him doing this for her. She grudgingly reached her hand back out, sighing. "Just give me the damned thing; if you say it'll help, I'll force myself to drink it."

Grabbing it back, she brought it to her mouth and took a hesitant sip. Followed by another. Then another. She downed the pills with the next. It wasn't half bad after all. She raised the drink to her mouth again, but Mac made a small noise in his throat that caused her to stop and peer over the edge of the glass at him.

He looked rather surprised. "Take it slowly - you're stomach's irritated. You drink it too fast, it might…well, have the opposite effect from what we want."

She nodded and placed the glass down on the coffee table in front of her. Indicating it with a nod of her head, she spoke. "You sound like you've had a fair amount of experience with that drink. You have some double life the rest of us don't know about? Maybe something you should confess?"

Her face was dead serious, but he knew she was playing with him, and he had never appreciated it quite as much as he did in that single moment. He smiled genuinely. And when he spoke in response, he did so without even thinking. "I used to make them for Claire a lot. She loved the banana flavor. And it really does help a hangover. I can attest to that."

Jo's brow rose. "I see. You two must have been quite the convivial couple… Quite the hit on the party circuit?"

Mac looked down, an embarrassed smile tugging at his lips, realizing how his comment must have sounded. "We were a fair bit younger back then."

She nodded slowly, eyeing Mac with a look that could kill, but her reply was full of self –mockery. "You implying I wasn't acting my age last night when I got drunk off my ass and nearly passed out?"

He laughed softly, but his expression turned serious almost immediately. "I'm not implying anything. I just…I wish you would have called me last night. Rather than substituting in a bottle of whiskey as your confessor. Seems almost worse than just keeping everything bottled up inside."

She frowned, recognizing that the lighthearted portion of the conversation was clearly over. "I did call you Mac. I just didn't let the call go through. Even in my compromised mental state, I figured you probably could care less about my drunken ravings at 2 in the morning."

"Jo. You could call me anytime. Talk to me anytime. No matter what. I'd always listen."

Her eyes narrowed, a chill seeming to pass over her expression. "But only when it's about me, not you - it doesn't work both ways, does it?"

With the exception of a slight clenching of the muscle in his cheek, he didn't respond in any way. His gaze remained locked on hers, his lips sealed shut in an unwavering line, his chest rising and following rhythmically with every breath, his hands almost unnaturally still as they each rested on either arm of his chair.

She looked at him. He looked back at her. They stared at each other in silence for what seemed like ages. Finally she stood up slowly, eying him as if she expected him to follow suit. When he didn't she finally spoke.

"Thanks for the drink, Mac." But she wasn't speaking out of gratitude. It was time for him to take the hint and go. She didn't like the direction this conversation was heading in now, and she particularly didn't appreciate that Mac, despite his desire to talk, was shutting down at the precise moment it became too personal for him. And in any case, her bed was beckoning. Hell, she'd even take the couch despite the stiffness it had caused her last night…

But he still made no move to get up. She eyed him skeptically a moment. No, he was clearly not leaving any time soon. She sighed and sat back down, rubbing her hand down her face in frustration. Her head was still throbbing, the painkillers not having had sufficient time to permeate her system. And her stomach now seemed uncertain as to whether Mac's banana smoothie was really the cure-all he'd touted it to be. She shifted slightly on the sofa, a pained look on her face. Why couldn't she ever just have a relaxing day off like everyone else?

She glanced up again to find Mac still watching her. As if he were waiting patiently for her to speak. The look on his face said he had all day to sit there and wait. Did he seriously want to continue their conversation from the café _now_? She was exhausted, grumpy, and felt like hell, to say the least. And Mac's presence at the moment was just adding to her already sour mood. As she sat, watching him watch her, she began feeling more annoyed, more on edge, as each moment ticked by. Finally, she no longer had the willpower to reign herself in. If he wanted to talk, then so be it…

"Mac, why did you call me up this morning, of all mornings? You've barely even asked me how I'm doing over the past several months. And out of the blue you want to get together for some heartfelt exchange about our relationship, that's been dying a slow death for the past year?"

Mac subconsciously drew back from her, from the tendrils of acrimony curling around the edges of her words, provoking him, seeking him out, as if she wanted to catch him off guard and reel him right in to the mother of all arguments. Mac knew it was high time they dealt with this. But an argument was not the way to proceed. He took a deep breath, trying to will away the growing hostility he felt, and looked her in the eye, speaking very carefully. "I…something happened yesterday at the Precinct. Something that made me realize that…that I've been neglecting a lot of what's truly important to me, important to my life. Our friendship, being one. And I want to try and rectify that…"

She narrowed her eyes suddenly. "By taking me to breakfast?"

Her tone dripped with sarcasm and Mac felt a hint of annoyance rise within him. "Jo. Please. Just let me…"

She cut him off. "You wanted to assuage your guilt over our strained friendship by taking me to breakfast? The day after you propose to your girlfriend? Huh. So what's on your to-do list for tomorrow? Let's see, we had 'Propose to Christine. Check. Make up with Jo. Eh, working on it. Then what? Deposit paycheck maybe? Drop off dry-cleaning?'. What, am I some line item in your life's to-do list now? How's Christine feel about all this? She must be happy she was first on the list." She cocked her head slightly. "Or did she say 'no'? Is that why all of a sudden you're asking me out to breakfast?"

A small sound, not unlike a strangled growl, came from Mac's throat, but Jo was on a roll and she couldn't stop now.

"So you thought to yourself, 'well, there's always Jo. Let me see if I can patch things up with her. See where that might lead.'" She paused to take a breath, which sounded more like a gasp, and immediately regretted every single thing she'd just let cross her lips. It had been the verbal equivalent of that punch she threw at him earlier as he'd surprised her in the hall. Fueled by impulse and untempered by her current lack of inhibition. It was a rare occasion that she completely let herself go like this. It had happened unfortunately on several occasions towards the end of her relationship with Russ. And she knew that when she did so, she always got herself into trouble. She blinked, then averted her eyes a moment, unable to meet his look of affront.

Mac was so taken aback by her words, he couldn't even manage to close his gaping mouth for several moments. He wasn't at all certain just what she was implying by everything that she'd just uttered, but whatever it was, he definitely didn't like it. She'd been right earlier. She was in no condition to have a conversation about anything right now. "Jesus Jo. No." His voice was noticeably a notch or two louder when he finally spoke. "I don't even know what you're saying. I'm just trying to apologize for the way I've been…ignoring you lately."

She frowned slightly, having expected more of a reaction from him. More of a dressing down. But unlike Russ, he seemed to be able to sense that most of what she had just spouted was borne of anger, frustration and fatigue, and didn't come close to representing what she really felt.

She thought for a moment about what he'd just said. But it wasn't really making things any better for her. She forced her voice to remain calm, showing him that while she was still angry, she had her thoughts under control this time. "So you want to 'apologize' for 'ignoring' me 'lately'. Well, I hate to tell you Mac…you got three things wrong in that little sentence. First, you haven't just been _ignoring_ me. No. You were actually, and quite overtly, rude to me." Mac made an effort to speak in his defense, but was interrupted.

"I'm not done." Her voice was ice, freezing Mac mid-sentence. She took a deep breath and continued. "Second, in case you've forgotten, you already apologized. A while back. Remember? At the Lab? And I accepted. So…hey, we're all fine and dandy. You can leave now… Cross me off that to-do list. Go on about your day. On to the next task." She stood up yet again.

"Jo, I realize that that was…probably not a proper apology, even though you…"

She cast him a withering glare that shut him down instantaneously. "Oh! And it took you how many months to figure out that maybe you needed to make a little bit more of an effort? Mac, you treat me like some second class paper pusher at the Lab whose name you barely recall, not worthy of anything more than a nod good morning or a "got those Lab results yet?". She sat back down, reaching out as she did to grab up the drink and take a large gulp. Her throat was so dry, it was aching. Setting the glass back down, she turned back to Mac, thankful he hadn't tried to butt in when she was in the middle of a thought. She had to admit, he looked rather shell shocked at the moment.

She took a deep breath, trying to recall what she'd been saying. "Honestly, Mac, if this distance between us were just the result of a disagreement between coworkers… I could probably handle that. It's not ideal. I like to feel that I enjoy going to work everyday; and having pleasant working relationships certainly facilitates that. But, you can't be best buddies with everyone at work, right? Sometimes people just don't click, and that's to be expected. You put your best face forward, go on with your work, at least put on a front of civility. Which, by the way, you're quite good at." He frowned at her scathing aside, but he held his tongue and let her continue. Hoping shortly she'd just wear herself out.

But when she continued, her voice was significantly louder than before. "But when the distance becomes personal, Mac… When it impacts what I thought was a solid friendship between us – then it's a real problem. It's starting to affect me, as a person."

"Jo, I… I'm sorry I reacted so strongly when you asked me about my health. I just felt threatened…when you confronted me in my office. When you went and talked to Christine..."

"Ah. That brings us to your third mistake, Mac. This all started much earlier than that little interaction. More like right after you were shot. From the first time I went to visit you in the hospital, once you were conscious and able to talk, and every time after, then at Christine's, at your place, right up to when you returned to the Lab, and then again, once I started asking you if everything was going ok. Because it seemed like it wasn't. That whole time, the whole past year…you've acted as if it was painful to have me around. As if you couldn't wait until I just left you alone." She stopped a moment, her emotions getting the best of her. Her eyes were moist and he could tell she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. "Do you have any idea, Mac, how that made me feel? When I thought we were friends and you just pushed me away like I was…"

He finally interrupted her, annoyed that she was so focused on herself, she couldn't see the whole picture. His voice several decibels louder than hers now, he leaned forward in the chair, piercing her with his gaze. "Jo, I pushed everyone away. Not just you. Everyone. The team. My friends. Christine. I gave them all a hard time. Especially Christine. I pushed her further than anyone. But in the end, she pushed back; and she finally made me realize that…I couldn't do everything all on my own. That I needed help. And that that was ok. She was there for me…"

Jo's voice sounded broken. "And I wasn't there for you? I didn't stick with you? Was it not ok to accept my help? Because Mac, I tried. Everything that I did, everything that made you so angry all along, I did because I cared for you. I didn't want to see you suffer. I didn't want you to be struggling with…whatever you were struggling with by yourself. I was offering my support. My concern. My love." She paused a moment, her eyes meeting his for just a brief moment before they shifted away and she continued. "And after all I _did_…,' She broke off, a bitter laugh choking in her throat. "Oh, wait, no…you wouldn't actually let me do anything for you… Let me just rephrase that. After all I _wanted_ to do for you, for all those months. And what did you do in return?"

She scoffed, a look of pure distaste on her face. "Mac, you might as well just have slapped me in the face that night after we found Tommy Lewis' body… When you told me to keep my nose out of your personal business. Because that's what it felt like you'd done anyway. What a fitting culmination to all those times you'd pushed me away, all those visits where you barely talked to me, barely acknowledged my presence, all those times you lied to my face about what was going on with you back at work. You finally had the guts to just come right out and tell me to leave you alone. To disavow our friendship just like that, when all I'd been doing all along was just trying to be your friend."

Mac had stopped listening halfway through. There it was. That word again. She didn't seem at all fazed, but Mac found himself at a loss for words again as he contemplated it, and the look she'd shot him as she said it. The rest of her words trickled into his brain as if they were traveling in slow motion, registering in his mind only several seconds after she'd already finished speaking.

He paused, looking at her, realizing she was waiting for some response. "Jo. It's not like I singled you out. I just told you. I was pushing everyone away. You and Christine were there for me the most. And I pushed the two of you away the hardest. I hated for you two to see me like that. Weak, unable to take care of myself, a shell of who I am, who I was, at the Lab. So I just kept pushing harder, further. Christine and I were in a relationship. We were…stuck with each other you might say. In the end, it made it harder to distance myself from her I suppose. She was with me day in, day out. You and I weren't…"

Jo's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare say that you and I weren't in a relationship Mac. We've worked together, side by side, closely, for three years. We were friends. Good friends. That night when you told me to mind my own business…after you'd already distanced yourself from me for so many months after the shooting… As far as I was concerned, after that night we were nothing more than run of the mill colleagues at work. Sure, I kept up appearances, for the sake of the team, the job, our professions. But it's been painful every day, ever since." She scoffed slightly. "And that lame effort at an apology, weeks later. Did none of this bother you over the past several months Mac? Why didn't you bring it up before?"

He shook his head, his brow furrowed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Because I'm not very good at…this."

Jo shrugged. "At what? Apologizing?"

He sighed loudly, shaking his head. "No. Relationships. Friendships. Personal communication."

Jo just stared at him, looking unconvinced. "Mac, that's not true…"

Mac frowned and looked at her a moment. "I could ask you the same thing. Why didn't you say anything if it bothered you so? If it's been eating away at you like it seems it has been, why didn't you just say something to me?"

She spoke much more quickly than Mac had expected, as if the response were just waiting on the tip of her tongue. "I wasn't sure it was even worth my effort… I didn't think you cared about me anymore, Mac."

Mac looked away for nearly a minute before he was able to speak. "I'm sorry Jo. Truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or anybody."

He turned his gaze back to her suddenly. "If I caused you this much anguish over so many months, how can you say…that you 'love me'? What did you mean…"

Jo's body stiffened. A second later she burst out laughing, but it was tinged with bitterness, and it jarred a tear from her eye. "Mac. I love the whole team. Sid, and Adam. Danny and Lindsay, Sheldon, Don." She paused a moment, a shadow passing over her features. "Don't you?"

Mac sighed. He was just about to respond, when she spoke again, so softly he had to lean towards her to hear.

"And you, Mac… Of course I love you." She took a long shaky breath before continuing. "I'm just not sure that I _like_ you so much right now."

They stared at each other quietly. There was more to be said, but neither was able to move in that direction quite yet.

The sound of Jo's cell phone ringing cut through the silence that had descended upon them. Mac jumped slightly at the noise and Jo tore her gaze from him to glance down at her phone.

"It's Ellie…," she murmured, looking over at him briefly just before answering. "Hey, hon'. Miss me already?"

Just before Mac turned away, trying to afford her some privacy, he noted the soft, heartfelt smile that had crept across her mouth at the sound of her daughter's voice. He wondered idly if she would ever hazard to flash such a smile at him again. He pinched the bridge of his nose. This was about as far from what he'd expected to come out of their discussion as he could imagine. They'd talked. Which was definitely a step forward. But he wasn't certain they'd actually resolved anything yet. In fact, a part of him feared they'd rather moved backwards a step or two.

A sudden change in Jo's light tone of voice caused him to turn back and look at her.

"What? When?" He saw the smile suddenly fall flat, her brow furrowing.

"This morning?" Jo was shaking her head as she listened a moment. "The hospital!? Who…"

Mac's brow furrowed as he stared at Jo, but she ignored him, focusing only on the call. "Ellie, let me talk to him."

Jo remained silent for a few minutes, listening intently, her lips pursed.

"Of course. Absolutely." She glanced down at her watch. "It'll be after lunch. But I'll be there. Text me the address, if you don't mind. And your own cell number as well. Ellie can give you mine." She stopped to take a deep breath. Nodding at something being said on the other end. "Thank you." There was a pause, then she continued. "El? I'm on my way, ok?"

"I know honey. I'm sorry. But you should be home. Hang in there. I'll be there as quick as I can. Luv you." And she hung up, her eyes staring at the phone in her hand.

Mac looked at her a moment, then cleared his throat. "Jo, what happened? Is she ok?" He swallowed hard, fearing what she would say in response.

Jo shook her head and sighed, still avoiding his gaze. "She tore a ligament in her knee during practice this morning. She's at the hospital. It's nothing terribly serious. But she's going to be on crutches and will need to keep it elevated…and straight. Which is problematic, given they're riding a bus to both games up there this weekend. She wanted to stay and just cheer on the team. But no, I need to drive up and get her. She'll be better off here."

Mac felt some of the tension in his shoulders release. "Where is she?"

"Albany. Soccer tournament." The reality of her situation suddenly hit her and a look of fear passed over her features. "Oh, Lord, that's at least a three hour drive, each way. How on earth…?" Her eyes closed a moment as her hands rose up to cradle her downturned face. She was in no shape to drive six hours up and back. "Oh, Jo, you really did it this time." She muttered to herself behind her hands.

Mac frowned, and spoke the first words that came to his mind.

"Jo, let me drive you. You're in no condition …"

But she cut him off before he could utter another word, her head rising suddenly from the cover of her hands. "No, Mac. I'll…figure something out. This isn't your problem."

"Jo, please, the least I…"

She stood suddenly, her eyes glaring at him. "No. Don't you dare do this just to make yourself feel better, because you feel obligated to suddenly make amends after everything…"

Mac stood to face her. "Jo. The whole reason I called you up to talk to you this morning was…to make amends, yes. But that has nothing to do with this. With Ellie. I'm not offering out of some desperate sense of guilt. I'm offering because she needs you to come get her and you can't do that without some help. Let me help you, Jo. Please. I do actually care for you. And I think it might actually be good to spend a little more time together… We didn't manage to kill each other yet." He smiled crookedly at her.

A smile tugged at her lips as well, but she shook her head anyway. He wanted to continue their conversation; she could tell. And she was pretty certain she'd had enough of that for now. "Mac, please, just…"

He interrupted her yet again, his voice firm, but not at all harsh. "I'll drive you." It was not a question, or even an offer this time. It was a statement. "Where's your car?" He asked.

"It's at the Lab."

He sighed. "Well, let's go get mine then."

"Mac, your place is across town…"

"My car's at Christine's…"

"Oh. Of course." She frowned slightly. In desperation, she ran down the short list of people she'd be willing to ask to help her out – and thus be willing to confide the reason behind her inability to drive herself. The list was pathetically short. There had to be some other solution. If she could buy some time to think a moment… She looked to Mac. "Why don't you go get the car – I'm not quite ready. We can meet up somewhere, or you can come back here, whichever makes more sense driving…"

He stared at her briefly before answering. He could just imagine her mind trying to come up with a way to get out of this. He was afraid she'd end up driving herself in the end. "I'll drive. And I'll wait."

She opened her mouth to protest, but one look at his expression and she knew it would be fruitless to argue. She nodded, letting out a long, resigned breath. "OK. Give me just a few minutes then..."

He nodded, offering her a reserved smile. She simply stared at him in return before turning around. As he sat back down heavily in the armchair, he pulled out his phone to call Christine, watching as Jo turned once again to look at him, before disappearing down the hallway, an unsettled look on both their faces.

**A/N: Happy Easter everyone. Sorry to have spoiled everyone with the quick posting of this chapter, I wanted to get it done before the holiday – the others unfortunately won't be up quite that fast! **

**Thanks for all the encouraging reviews. I intend to move this along rather slowly (storyline, hopefully not updates). This is not the sort of thing that resolves itself overnight… ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_He stared at her briefly before answering. He could just imagine her mind trying to come up with a way to get out of this. He was afraid she'd end up driving herself in the end. "I'll drive. And I'll wait."_

_She opened her mouth to protest, but one look at his expression and she knew it would be fruitless to argue. She nodded, letting out a long, resigned breath. "OK. Give me just a few minutes then..."_

_He nodded, offering her a reserved smile. She simply stared at him in return before turning around. As he sat back down heavily in the armchair, he pulled out his phone to call Christine, watching as Jo turned once again to look at him, before disappearing down the hallway, an unsettled look on both their faces._

**Chapter 3: ****A step in the right direction**

Mac glanced over at Jo sitting quietly next to him in his car. He couldn't see her face. Hadn't seen it since shortly after they'd started driving, well over twenty minutes ago. She'd been fixed in the same exact position, staring out the side window, from the moment he'd started up the car. He sighed loudly, wondering if the sudden noise piercing the suffocating silence within the car might prompt her to hazard a look in his direction. But no such luck.

Just prior, they had spent the entire journey from Jo's apartment to Christine's, to pick up his car, in complete and utter silence as well. Perhaps ten words had been spoken between the two of them. If he was so inclined, he knew he could convince himself that there was an easy, blame free explanation for their lack of interaction after leaving Jo's.

Their silence on the elevator had first and foremost been out of respect. When they'd entered, it had already been occupied by a family heading out, clearly on their way to a funeral. An elderly woman in tears, a middle-aged couple doing their best to console her amidst their own obvious grief, and the youngest generation looking awkward and uncomfortable faced with the raw emotions of their elders. At one point early on, Jo had caught the eye of the youngest, a girl of perhaps six or seven, and offered up a reserved smile which the little girl had returned hesitantly. Mac caught the entire exchange and had made the same effort towards the boy, who was slightly older. Only to be met with a cold stare in return. He'd finally looked away, ashamed at having thought that he, a complete stranger, might somehow have lessened the weight of the young boy's grief. He cast his gaze downwards at his feet throughout the rest of their descent to the lobby, unaware that Jo had followed suit herself shortly thereafter once the boy had frowned at her as well.

Their silence on the subway had clearly been out of necessity. The Saturday morning crowds were picking up now that it was mid-morning. There were the ever-present tourists - up late but raring to explore the sites and sounds of New York. There were the families setting out on weekend adventures to Central Park, the zoo, the museums. There were young couples – hand in hand, or arm in arm, a few even joined at the lips – oblivious to the surrounding din as they eagerly anticipated what the day, and perhaps later the night, might hold in store for just the two of them. When Mac and Jo had boarded the car, there had been exactly one free seat, Mac of course gesturing for Jo to take it. She was still looking rather queasy. At first, he'd managed to stand right next to her, but as the train had filled up and the free space had dwindled, he found himself having to move further and further away from her. Until any sort of conversation was rendered impossible. Nonetheless, he observed her, observing the flow of people on and off the car. She seemed utterly fascinated with each and every one of them, whereas he was well aware that when he rode the subway, he did his best to ignore everyone around him…

Their silence at Christine's had certainly been out of accommodation. For Jo's continued malaise. Once they'd reached Christine's brownstone, Mac had held the main door open for her. But she'd declined to go with him, stating that she was still feeling unwell and insisting that the fresh air would do her good. He'd frowned, trying to tempt her with a glass of ice water or cup of tea upstairs. But she'd merely shaken her head and leaned up against the stairway to wait. When he'd returned five minutes later, bottles of water and a package of crackers in hand, Jo had merely taken them with barely a nod of thanks. Opening one of the waters and downing half of it seemingly in one gulp, she'd proceeded to follow him silently to his car two blocks away.

But now, as they merged onto the freeway from the on-ramp and left the city behind, he was no longer so inclined to find plausible excuses for her refusal to talk to him. Because he knew that that's what it was - she was simply doing her best to avoid him. To put off the inevitable continuation of their conversation begun earlier at her apartment. A conversation that had been wrought with built-up tension and animosity. Even if towards the end, both had seemed to draw back slightly from their stubborn resolve, he knew they hadn't really cleared up much of anything. He'd initially thought the drive up might encourage them to continue to clear the air; but at the moment, the idea of being cooped up in the car for three hours with Jo giving him the silent treatment wasn't sounding pleasant at all.

Only Christine had seemed positive when he'd called to explain the situation to her. She'd just been loading up her catering truck and had barely had a moment to chat – but she'd said it was a wonderful idea to drive Jo to Albany and back. The perfect way to spend his day off: it would keep him busy, away from the temptation of the Lab - or puttering around the apartment thinking about the Lab - all while helping out a good friend in need. As long as they didn't spend the entire trip talking about cases… Then she'd had to hang up.

But now the reality was becoming painfully obvious. Jo was less than thrilled with the idea of him driving her. And he himself wasn't convinced it was particularly how he wanted to spend his day off either. And any continuation of their discussion seemed highly unlikely. He scoffed slightly at the realization that they'd be lucky if they talked at all. Even talk about cases would be more welcome than this silence.

He thought a moment about the last thing she'd said when they'd talked that morning. How she'd so easily brushed off her comments about loving him when he pushed her on it. Maybe he'd been over-thinking the whole situation. Her comment, her abrupt departure from the café right after, that look on her face. He was slightly embarrassed now realizing how that one little comment, that one little word, had suddenly made him rethink every look, every glance, every touch, every flirtatious comment she'd ever directed his way over the past three years. Recalling double entendres that hadn't even existed until now, and clearly only in his imagination. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her hair covered her features, but then he knew exactly what she looked like. She was attractive. His lip pursed slightly as he admitted to himself that that was likely an understatement. But good heavens, this was Jo. His co-worker. His colleague. And yes, even his friend in better times. And their relationship was nothing but professional…

Perhaps it was possible he could be taking this reexamination of his life a bit too far. He'd set out to renew his friendship with Jo, apologize for his – distance - over the past year. And that's what he needed to be focusing on. Not the significance, or more likely lack thereof, of her having uttered that one little word. It was plain silly of him to have gotten so carried away, especially at such an innocent comment on her part… Why had he even thought anything of it? He had no clue. He was in a solid relationship, now engaged, with someone he loved dearly, who had weathered his pride and stubbornness and lengthy recovery with aplomb. Well, for the most part. And most importantly, they'd managed to overcome their hardships. Something he still wasn't convinced he'd made much progress on with Jo.

He glanced over at her again. "Jo…" He spoke quietly, not wanting to startle her. "I know you don't really feel like talking. But maybe…"

He paused momentarily as the highway made a sharp curve and he returned his full attention to the road. Upon glancing back, however, his shoulders sagged as he noticed Jo had slumped further against the window, her left hand sliding down from her lap onto the seat next to her, her head turning just enough for him to see that her eyes were closed. She was sound asleep. And probably had been since before they'd even driven over the bridge and left the city.

Sighing again, this time for his sake only, he reached out to fumble with the radio dial, trying to find a jazz station to keep him company for the journey ahead.

-/-/-/-/-

More than three hours later, Jo finally stirred. First her hand fluttered on the seat, then her head shook slightly, moving away from the window. A tremor made its way through her upper body, from her shoulders down her arms, down to her stomach and finally her hips. A small groan seemed to emanate from her throat, without her even opening her mouth. It took her nearly a full minute before her eyes opened, squinting in the bright light reflecting off the light snow that had gradually begun to fall as they made their way north. She glanced abruptly over at Mac, the memory of what they were doing at the moment finally coming back. She glanced down at her watch.

"Oh heavens, it's so late…" She looked over at Mac, intending to ask why they'd made such poor time, but his expression cut her off before the words even made their way from her thoughts to her tongue.

He shook his head. He looked rather harried, and the slight irritation in his voice when he spoke was obvious. "There was an accident about 60 miles back – set us behind at least an hour."

"Mmm. I suppose I'd better let Ellie know," she mumbled, pulling out her phone and punching in a text. Upon finishing, she glanced over at Mac. "Sorry I fell asleep for so long and left you to drive in silence."

He shrugged, nodding at the radio. "I had Coltrane and Mingus and a few others to keep me company." He reached out to turn it down now that she was awake and talking. "Do you feel any better?"

She shifted and sat up straighter in her seat, rubbing her hand down her eyes and massaging her neck. "I think so – just don't ask my stiff neck."

He smiled softly, nodding. "Well, your neck aside, it was probably for the best then."

As if she'd reminded him of something, he arched his own back, stiffness evident in his expression. "I'm going to need to stop for a bit if that's all right."

She glanced outside, reading the traffic signs. "Of course. At least an hour 'til we're there, huh?" She sighed. "Yea, I could probably stand to use the restroom pretty soon. Is there anything around here?" She gazed around her at the apparent lack of anything besides bare trees and flurries of snow.

He nodded slightly. "Yea, there's a little town in about 15 miles or so. We should be able to find a gas station and something to eat there. My stomach's been growling for the last hour."

Jo quirked an eyebrow at him. "Your stomach? You? Who never admits to hunger? You just had brunch…"

He frowned. "I never ate anything. You ran out before I even started my oatmeal…"

The amused look on Jo's face fell flat as soon as he reminded her of their morning. Although Mac's eyes were on the road, he could almost sense the sudden change in attitude.

"Well, Mac, you didn't have to follow."

"Jo, please. How would you have felt if I _hadn't_ come after you? If I'd just sat there, eating my oatmeal, as if nothing odd had happened."

She didn't respond so he figured he'd keep on going.

"Why'd you run out so fast anyway? Was the thought of having a discussion with me just so unpalatable you couldn't bear to stay?"

She sighed in frustration. "Mac, I was about to get sick. I'm pretty sure my staying would have been much more unpalatable than my sudden departure, discussion or no."

He frowned, sighing. "I know. And I'm sorry. But why did you agree to meet me in the first place, if you weren't even feeling well?"

She looked at him for a long moment, pondering her words very carefully. She took a deep breath before finally speaking.

"Oh, Mac. This unspoken truce of…indifferent disregard between the two of us has been bothering the hell out of me for so long now. And the fact that _you_ actually suggested that we get together and talk this morning… Well, it caught me by surprise. But after a bit of hesitation I'll admit, I was rather pleased. To think that we could speak our minds and maybe resolve this once and for all. And at your request…well, I couldn't have asked for more. I was afraid if I passed up this chance, it might not ever come up again… Because Lord knows what happens when I'm the one to approach you about anything personal…"

She paused, expecting some sort of retort. Hearing none, she glanced over at him for some hint at what he was thinking. And she had to admit to herself she had no idea. His vision was clearly focused on the road, but she could tell he was listening intently to her every word. His brow was furrowed ever so slightly, his head cocked just barely towards her, nodding almost imperceptibly every few seconds as she spoke. Yet she could also see that he wasn't ready to respond quite yet, so she continued.

"Mac, I already explained to you how hurtful… How _painful_ it was for you to shut me out all those months. And what a shock it was when you finally came right out and told me, straight to my face, to mind my own business. I know that you apologized. Not just at that offhand mention at the Lab, but more genuinely this morning. And you tried your best to explain to me why you acted the way you did. I do appreciate that. Really, I do. But you know what is so frustrating to me right now, Mac?"

Mac shifted in the seat and cleared his throat loudly. "I'm sure you're about to tell me…"

She frowned but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt – he'd been driving for over three hours straight – it was understandable that he'd be a bit cranky.

She took a deep breath. "Well, I know that on the surface, it's actually quite easy to apologize. To says those words. And it's easy to sound sincere when doing so. But it's not so easy to take to heart what you're apologizing for, and have the courage to work towards changing whatever you did wrong in the first place. So that hopefully it doesn't happen again. So you can avoid the same mistake, yet again."

She hazarded another glance his way to find him in the exact same position, the exact same expression on his face. She shook her head. "Mac, I don't feel convinced that you're not just going to revert back to shutting me out... Especially when anything of a more "personal" nature comes up. I mean, you never even told me what was going on with you at work. In fact, you never even admitted that there was anything wrong to begin with. And I'm sorry Mac, but I know that there was something… I knew then. That's why I asked."

He turned his head to her for the briefest of moments before focusing his gaze back on the road. But she'd seen the anger simmering there.

"Jo, in case you didn't realize, you hurt me too. Calling into question my abilities on the job. I didn't take well at all to you confronting me like that in the Lab in the first place."

"Mac, I didn't _confront_ you. I just asked if you were ok. I was concerned. I was just trying to help…"

"No, you were trying to pry… You knew at the time you were hovering on the edge of 'overstepping your bounds'… You said so yourself."

"Mac, I just… I just wanted you to know…"

"Jo, I'm not finished. I can't tell you how angry I was with you. For going behind my back, seeking out Christine. Asking her personal questions about my own health. You planted a seed of mistrust between us with that one little cup of coffee you two shared…a seed that grew so quickly into some invasive weed that we almost weren't able to see past it. I nearly lost her because of that. Because of what you did."

"What? Mac! You didn't almost lose Christine because I asked her about your health. You almost lost her because you were dishonest with her. There's a big difference. Maybe I made it apparent sooner than she would have discovered on her own. But she's not stupid, Mac. She would have noticed, or found out some other way, sooner or later. And the later it came out into the open, the harder it would have been for you to hack down that 'weed' that you yourself planted when you kept the truth from her in the first place."

"So you're saying you did me a favor?"

"No Mac. I'm just saying that what happened was inevitable. You lie to people, in the end it always comes back to bite you."

Jo threw her arms up in frustration and she let out a long, aggravated sigh. Glancing over at Mac, she could see his hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly they were white at the knuckles. She clasped her hand over her mouth for a moment, trying to get her emotions under control.

"I was worried about you Mac. I could see something was wrong. And you wouldn't let me help."

"I didn't want you to help. You're right, I wanted you to leave me alone. But you couldn't resist, could you?"

"Ugghh. See Mac? Despite your apology... Nothing's changed. If something like that came up again… Would you react any differently? Did you learn anything? Because that's what worries me. You go through this whole introspective phase, apologize for all your past wrongs. But if it doesn't impact how you behave in the future, then it was for nothing. It's not supposed to be a repeating cycle of mistake, apology, same mistake, same apology again. That's disingenuous. Maybe not everyone would see it that way. Maybe not everyone would even notice. But I guarantee I won't fall for it a second time. If you're going to apologize to me for something, it better not happen again without a good explanation why."

They'd only driven ten miles since Jo awoke, but Mac couldn't support being in the car one more moment with her. They were still a short distance from the town he'd been aiming for, but he could see a sign for a lone gas station at the next exit. He signaled and began pulling off the highway.

Jo glanced at him, confused. He sensed her stare without even glancing at her. "I can't drive like this. I need a break…," he was so tempted to add 'from you', but held his tongue and pulled into the gas station in silence.

"Well, good," Jo huffed. "I could certainly use some air myself." And as soon as Mac pulled up next to the pump, she ripped off her seatbelt, thrust open the door and headed for the cashier's office inside.

As he stood shivering next to the car, waiting while the tank filled, he watched while she came back out of the office, a key in hand, presumably on her way to use the ladies' room. Once the tank was full, he went inside to the small window to pay. As he waited, Jo returned, handing the single key out to him. "Here. You wanna use the bathroom? There's only one…," her voice trailed off, devoid of any emotion.

Mac hesitated, but took the key, nodding his thanks, and waited for his change, avoiding her gaze.

Jo hovered next to him, glancing at the small aisle of foodstuffs behind them. "You want me to get you something to eat?" She frowned slightly at the choices. "State your sin… sweet or salty. Or bitter - they do have coffee…"

He eyed her. "I think I've had enough 'bitter' for today…," looking pointedly at her. He noted the flash of annoyance in her eyes, and quickly continued, in hopes of avoiding an argument right in front of the cashier. "…but how about I cover the other two with some potato chips and a soda."

Jo couldn't decide whether to glare or snicker, so she simply nodded and turned to gather their 'lunch' as he walked out towards the restroom.

When he returned to the car, she was already seated inside, rifling through the paper bag. As he sat and put on his seatbelt, she glanced up at him but didn't meet his eyes. "They had sandwiches too, hidden in a cold case next to the soda. No telling how fresh they are, but I figured it might be nice to round out the chips and soda. Ham and cheese? Or ham and cheese?"

He nodded with a hesitant smile. "Ham and cheese is fine. Thank you."

Once he was back on the highway, Jo unwrapped his sandwich and handed it to him, opening his soda and placing it in one of the cupholders between them.

She took a bite of her own sandwich and chewed it slowly, methodically, mimicking the development of her thoughts at that moment. A minute later she spoke softly.

"I'm sorry Mac, but you were the one who wanted to talk. Be careful what you wish for next time."

He sighed. "Exactly. Talk. Not yell. There's a difference." His words were sarcastic, but his tone was quite even keeled.

Jo didn't respond but merely studied him a moment.

When she said nothing, Mac laughed shortly. "I always did wonder what you'd be like if you were really angry. I guess I know now…"

She chuckled, but there was no humor in it. "Oh, honey, that was nothin'…"

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Well, in that case… Remind me not to get on your bad side."

"You already are."

"Well, then remind me to thank you for restraining yourself despite your obvious hatred of me."

She sighed dramatically and shook her head. "Oh, Mac. I don't hate you."

"Well you did tell me earlier that you don't like me much right now."

"Yea, I guess I did. But I will always love you. How could I not? Come on, that's gotta count for somethin'." She looked at him askance.

Mac shook his head slightly, wondering why he thought he might ever understand what she was saying, or feeling for that matter, at any given moment. The more she used that word, the more he realized how he'd over-analyzed it that morning. He chuckled slightly at his own audacity earlier when he'd actually thought that she was confessing some deep-felt sentiment for him. This was Jo; you'd think he'd have gotten used to her idiosyncracies by now.

"You know Jo. I can't decide if we're making any progress here at all… We just seem to keep moving further and further backwards."

"Well, you know what they say… 'A step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction'." She flashed him a meaningful gaze.

Mac frowned. "Kurt Vonnegut, huh? Maybe you're right. Or rather, maybe he is… But I'm not convinced we've figured out who made the wrong turn…"

Jo shrugged. "Well, I suppose you can't believe everything you read…"

"Well, I like to stay optimistic…"

"You?" Jo scoffed.

He heard the teasing note beneath her sarcasm, and drew his eyes away from the road for just a moment, casting a quick glance in her direction. "When it comes to our friendship, yes, actually, I do." He paused a moment, gauging her mood. "So am I right to assume that we're friends again?"

She creased her brow, pursed her lips, as if she were debating the issue. "We're working on it. How 'bout we compromise, admit we both made some mistakes along the way. Then…I'd say you can check our friendship off your to do list by the time we get back to work on Monday."

Mac's eyebrows hit the roof of the car. "Two more days of this?"

Jo frowned. "Hey. After a year of your behavior? I'd say you're gettin' off easy! My daddy could hold a grudge for years if you got on his bad side…"

He looked sideways at her a moment. "How about your mother?"

"My mama?" Jo's brow arched and her voice dropped an octave. "Don't even ask…"

She narrowed her eyes at him, but her lips trembled with the beginnings of a smile just at their edges. Mac couldn't help but smile in response, as he glanced at the passing road sign. Thirty more miles to Albany. They might just make it intact.

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay in posting this – what I'd originally envisioned as a single chapter took on a life of its own and had to be divided into three instead… Which, happily, means that the next few updates will occur in a much more timely fashion! **

**Thanks to all who are reading, reviewing, following and/or favoriting. I'd love to hear what you think if you have a moment. **

** * "A step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction." Kurt Vonnegut, **_**Player Piano**_


	4. Chapter 4

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_She narrowed her eyes at him, but her lips trembled with the beginnings of a smile just at their edges. Mac couldn't help but smile in response, as he glanced at the passing road sign. Thirty more miles to Albany. They might just make it intact._

**Chapter 4: Taking the Next Step**

-/-/-/-/-

Over a half an hour later, Mac finally pulled his car into the hospital parking garage. Throughout the remainder of their drive to Albany, he and Jo had alternated between perfunctory small talk and artificially comfortable silence, with an occasional fleeting smile thrown in to keep up appearances. A near perfect distillation of what their relationship had become over the course of the past year. He knew as well as she that they were intentionally skirting any topic that might bring up strong feelings for either of them. Even though both seemed to sense that their discussion was far from over; their reconciliation, far from attained. It was as if they had managed to come to a mutual, yet unspoken, understanding that any further conversation between them would have to occur at some unknown time in the future. Their focus had now shifted, of necessity, to Ellie. And with her presence, Mac knew there would be no further discussion between him and Jo for the rest of this trip.

As Mac pulled into a space and turned off the car, he seemed to suddenly loose himself in thought, his hand frozen on the key still lodged in the ignition. Jo watched him silently, wondering what he was thinking about but loathe to interrupt for fear of rekindling the adverse feelings between them that she knew were still lurking, just under the surface. And her intuition was right. He was thinking about what Jo had said just before he'd pulled into the gas station earlier. Her concerns about the sincerity of his apology; whether he would actually carry through and work to improve their relationship, or whether he would fall back into the same habits of shutting her out and brushing her off. He hadn't managed yet to come to any conclusions as to whether her concerns were valid, but they'd given him something to mull over during those moments were their conversation had fallen flat.

Glancing down at her watch, Jo cleared her throat, trying to bring Mac out of his reverie. He slowly looked over at her and she smiled softly. "We should really go get her, Mac. I promise we'll talk more. Later. Another time. Ok? I want to resolve this too."

Mac shook his head as if awakening from a dream and pulled the key from the ignition, staring at it a few moments before responding. "I know. I'm sorry, we should be thinking about Ellie. Let's go."

After ten full minutes of navigating the maze of hallways and information kiosks within the hospital, they eventually managed to locate Ellie in one of the small Emergency Room treatment bays, her right leg outstretched and resting on a pile of pillows atop a chair in front of her.

Finally catching sight of her daughter, Jo took off ahead of Mac, her arms outstretched to embrace Ellie, knocking over one of her crutches propped against a nearby cabinet in the process. Ellie rolled her eyes. "Mo-oo-ommm…" Ellie's voice was muffled within the folds of Jo's coat as she enveloped her daughter.

"Oh hon, I'm just so glad to finally be here and see that you're ok. I was worried…" She lingered a moment longer before pulling back slightly from her daughter, bending over to examine her leg, the red, swollen skin peeking out from the black brace cinched around her knee.

Mac trailed slowly behind Jo, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't have just waited in the car. Or at least out in the waiting room. Feeling rather out of place, he leaned down and picked up Ellie's crutch, settling it back against the cupboard next to the other one, attempting to make himself useful at the very least.

Ellie eyed him a moment over her mother's shoulder. "Hi…Detective Taylor… Thanks…" She was polite, but Mac couldn't help but discern the note of confusion in her voice, the slightly baffled look on her face.

"Why's he here?" She whispered softly to her mother, although her voice echoed in the small space and Mac was near enough he'd easily heard her question.

Jo glanced back at him as she stood up fully. She immediately caught the look of discomfort on his face. When she replied to Ellie, she made sure she spoke loudly enough for Mac to hear, in an attempt to include him in the conversation. "Oh. Well… Mac and I just had brunch this morning and I wasn't feeling so well, so he offered to drive me up to get you."

Ellie nodded slowly. "Oh."

Mac was staring at Ellie's face, but she was as guarded as her mother. He couldn't discern any emotion in her expression whatsoever. Until she frowned pointedly a moment later. "Well, it took long enough…" she continued, her tone suddenly full of reproach.

"Ellie!" Jo raised her eyebrows at her daughter, surprised at her sudden rudeness.

Ellie sighed loudly. "I'm sorry. It's just – I hate that now I have to miss both playoff games, and who knows how many practices back home and I've just been sitting here alone for the last hour waiting with nothing to do and no one to talk to or text because everyone's on the field in the middle of the game, and..." Ellie stopped suddenly, realizing she had perhaps gotten a bit carried away. Glancing meekly up, she caught both Mac and her mother staring back at her. She lowered her eyes and paused to take a deep breath, before continuing in a voice barely above a whisper. "…and it hurts. A lot."

Jo frowned and sighed, reaching out to smooth her daughter's hair.

Mac stepped forward slightly. "Have they given you any pain medication?" He asked quietly.

Ellie shrugged out from under her mother's hand, looking around her at Mac and trying to nod in response. "Yea, a while ago. But it still hurts."

Jo sighed and stepped back slightly, trying to make room for Mac in the narrow space. She smiled softly. "Oh, hon I'm sorry. Let's just get you home. We can have pizza and watch a movie together tonight if you want… How's that sound?"

Ellie shrugged rather noncommittally, wondering whether her mother was referring to just the two of them, or whether Mac had suddenly become some sort of fixture in their lives. She glanced uncertainly up at her mother. "If you're feeling bad enough that Mac had to drive you, maybe you shouldn't eat pizza?" She stared at her mother a moment, but Jo didn't flinch, the subtle smile still plastered on her mouth.

A moment later, Jo patted her stomach as if in response. "I'm feeling much better – I slept on the way up while Mac drove. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Let's just get you home."

Ellie cocked her head. "What happened anyway, something you ate during brunch with Mac?"

Jo hesitated a moment. Mac couldn't help but look at her, curious as to how she would respond. "Well, no… It started before that. Actually I think it might have been something I drank the night before…"

Ellie furrowed her brow, a perplexed look on her face, wondering suddenly if Mac had been involved in her mother's plans the previous night as well. It suddenly occurred to Ellie that her mother had hardly mentioned Mac in conversation for several weeks at least. Perhaps something was going on between them that she was trying to keep a secret… Ellie glanced over at Mac, who appeared to be intent on examining the toe of his shoe at the moment. But before she could ask anything further, Jo took in a loud breath and continued.

"Come on - let's get you outta here." Jo glanced around the small room. "Your coach said they'd drop off your overnight bag…"

Ellie nodded towards the empty seat to her left. "Yea. My overnight bag and all my soccer stuff's under the chair there. My bookbag is behind the door."

"Ok, good. Let me go find the nurse and get you discharged, then we can leave." She smiled at her daughter then turned towards the hall, slowing to glance at Mac and nod as she passed by him. Mac nodded in return, as if some unspoken secret had passed between them, but he realized he had no idea what it might have been. He stared after Jo, feeling awkward, well aware that Ellie had been staring unabashedly at them as they'd nodded so 'meaningfully' at each other.

A few moments after Jo disappeared down the hall, Mac moved into the room and, following a full minute of internal debate, finally sat down in the empty chair at a right angle to Ellie. He immediately regretted his action, realizing a moment too late that the chairs were placed so close together that his right knee was millimeters away from brushing against Ellie's left. He tried to slide the chair over but it was pinned between a cabinet and the examination bed. Ellie seemed to realize the issue at the same moment and quickly shifted her body so that she was positioned more at an angle. But the sudden movement clearly irritated her injured knee and Mac couldn't help but notice the grimace that passed across her face.

"Sorry, Ellie…" he mumbled, standing back up quickly to allow her more room, a flustered look on his face. But as he did so, his leg caught on the seat of his chair, pulling it upwards with him just enough that it nearly upended, the seat back grating against the wall. His arm shot back to catch it, which seemed only to add to the chaos, as a huge clattering sound emanated from underneath the seat. Startled, Mac backed away quickly, in the process nearly tripping over Ellie's crutches propped up behind him. Reaching back out to steady those as well he risked a glance down at the floor, realizing that in righting the chair, he'd managed to knock her shin guards off her bag underneath. Mac froze a moment, preparing himself for the next catastrophe, but thankfully calm seemed to settle in.

Ellie couldn't help but let out a small snort as she tried and failed miserably to hold back the burst of laughter that was threatening to escape her at the sight of Mac, clearly outnumbered in his battle against the chair, the shin guards and the crutches. But she instantly regretted her slip in control as Mac glanced over and she saw the unnerved look spread across his red-tinged face. Throughout their minimal contacts over the three years since her mother had started at the Lab, he had never seemed particularly at ease with her. And she realized her reaction to his fumbling wasn't making matters any better at the moment.

Her eyes widened and the smile on her face fell away instantly. "Are you ok Detective Taylor?" She asked meekly, looking as if she might stand up and attempt to help him.

Mac hesitated a moment, realizing how comical he most likely appeared right then. He took a breath, sighed deeply, and bent down to gather up the shin guards. As he stood, he smiled lightly at Ellie, trying to cover his embarrassment and see the humor in the situation. "I'm fine. Hopefully we both won't be hobbling out of here on crutches. Somebody has to be well enough to drive back…"

Relaxing slightly, she smiled back at him upon realizing that perhaps he hadn't been quite so uptight as she's initially feared.

As he replaced her shin guards on top of her bag he suddenly quirked his brow. "How do you play soccer in the snow anyway?"

Ellie flashed him a half smile. "It's indoor soccer. Season's almost over, we're in the state playoffs. Regular soccer started up a couple weeks ago back in the city. But you're right. We already had to cancel one practice for that because of the weather this spring…"

"Indoor soccer huh? You like it?"

She shrugged, and thought a moment before answering. "I like outdoor better, but this let's me keep playing all year 'round. And if you ask my mom, it keeps me busy on the weekends so I stay out of trouble…"

Mac laughed. Ellie smiled warmly back at him, but a moment later Mac noticed her brow furrow and the smile fade away slowly.

"You ok? Is your knee bothering you?" He asked her, concern evident in his voice.

Ellie shrugged. "It's kinda throbbing, yea." She seemed to stared at him a moment before continuing. "But what happened to you?"

Mac looked at her quizzically, having no idea to what she was referring.

Ellie pointed towards his face. "Your cheek. Did you get punched or something at work?"

Mac's hand rose unbidden to his cheek, feeling how indeed it was slightly swollen and tender to the touch from when Jo had unwittingly punched him earlier. He'd completely forgotten about that; it seemed like ages ago now. He hesitated a moment, trying to work out how to respond to Ellie.

He cleared his throat a few times. "I…uh…came around the corner too fast in your apartment this morning. Bumped it…"

Ellie stared at him a moment, wondering just how early in the morning that might have been. Then her gaze trailed over to come to rest on her mother, who had appeared behind Mac a minute earlier. Mac noticed the shift in Ellie's attention and, glancing to his side, started visibly upon realizing Jo was leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed, staring at him blankly.

Before anyone could speak further, a nurse arrived just behind Jo, armed with a handful of paperwork, a pen and an ice pack. Feeling the room had well exceeded its maximum capacity by now, Mac edged back towards the door and cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, going to go get a coffee before we start the journey back. Anyone want anything?"

Jo , stifling a yawn, groaned. "Oh, yes. A soda. Please. Two in fact. With lots of caffeine. I'm not picky which one. I'm exhausted."

Mac quirked his brow at her. "Uhh, ok… Diet?"

Jo expression fell flat, her hands dropping to her sides with a resounding slap. She cocked her head to the side and stared at him. "No, Mac. Careful what you're implying there. I never drink diet. If I'm gonna drink a soda, I at least want it to have some taste…"

"Ah. Right. Sorry." He turned his gaze to Ellie, who gave him a sympathetic half-smile.

She nodded. "I'll have a diet soda. Thanks." She mumbled quietly.

Mac nodded in return and slunk past Jo and the nurse.

Fifteen minutes later, once Jo had completed all the additional paperwork and the nurse had filled her in on Ellie's injury, treatment and the necessary follow-up they trooped out to Mac's car. Jo and Ellie in the lead, Jo hovering just out of the way of Ellie's crutches. Mac bringing up the rear, juggling Ellie's overnight bag, her soccer equipment, her bookbag, his coffee and Ellie's soda.

Once they'd gotten Ellie settled in the back, her leg stretched out across the seat, Jo closed the door and paused. She looked at Mac pointedly across the top of the car.

"Mac, I really feel much better. Why don't I drive back? At least part way. Give you a break from the road."

Mac frowned, shaking his head. "Jo, I'm fine. It's ok. I'll drive."

Mac moved to open his door, but she cleared her throat, clearly not finished. "Mac, I don't want to take advantage of you. You already drove all the way here. We've taken up your entire day off. You deserve a rest at least…"

Mac, wanting nothing more than to get in the car and just get started, interrupted her. "Jo, there was a reason I drove you up here in the first place. I'll keep my word – I got you here, I'll get you home. I expect you need the rest a lot more than I do right now."

She furrowed her own brow, the first signs of annoyance clouding her expression. When she spoke, her voice was noticeably tighter. "Mac, I said I feel fine. I wouldn't offer to drive if I didn't think I could do so safely."

"Jo. That's not what I was implying… But you'll have your hands full tonight once you get home. I expect Ellie's pain's going to get worse before it gets better. You should relax for now."

"But Mac…"

Mac cut her off again. "Jo, it's cold out here. And Ellie's uncomfortable in there. And you're tired. You just said so yourself inside. Let's just get going…" And he opened the door to get in, effectively ending the conversation knowing she wouldn't continue their quarrel in front of Ellie.

-/-/-/-/-

An hour into the drive, Mac glanced back at Ellie in the rear view mirror. For the last half hour she hadn't stopped shifting in her seat. Jo seemed unaware, lost in thought, staring out the window. Only this time he knew she was awake, because she kept tapping her fingers repeatedly on the seat, then on her knee, then back on the seat. He was just about to say something, anything, to one or the other of them – he hadn't quite decided to whom yet - when Ellie finally broke the silence.

"Mom?"

Jo turned halfway around in her seat. "Yea, honey?"

"Do you think we could stop?"

"Sure. You need to use the bathroom?"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "No, I mean stop driving. My knee is throbbing, and my back's killing me sitting this weird way so I can keep my leg propped up on the seat, and it's making the seatbelt cut into my neck..." She sighed loudly. "I don't think I can do this for two more hours. I'm going to be one huge ache all over."

Jo frowned slightly, glancing over at Mac, who was keeping his eyes on the road. She hesitated a moment, feeling sorry for the misery her daughter was in, but at the same time desperately wanting nothing more than to just have Mac drop them off at home and go on his way. She knew she'd started another rift between them with her annoyance at his refusal to let her drive home earlier. And since they'd entered the car, nearly an hour before, they'd barely spoken.

She flashed a rather forced smile at Ellie. "Well, sure, I guess. If it's ok with Mac..." She hesitated slightly, glancing over at him. He nodded in response, but still kept his gaze on the road. "How about we stop for something to eat?" She glanced down at her watch. "It's arguably time for an early dinner…"

Ellie frowned. "But Mom, it's just gonna be the same as in the car. I'll have to sit sideways and prop my leg up on some chair in the middle of the restaurant…" Ellie glanced quickly towards Mac, biting her lip slightly, then returned her attention to her mother. "I meant stop driving, like, for the night. Do you think we could stay overnight somewhere? I just wanna lie down and stretch out in a normal position." Her voice was plaintive, barely audible over the sound of the car motor.

Jo sighed, rubbing her face. "Oh, Ellie. I'm sorry. I should have just driven up myself. It would have been so much easier."

Jo's frustration was obvious and it certainly didn't escape Ellie's attention. The latter frowned, glancing at her mother. "I'm sorry. It just…it really hurts."

"I know honey." Jo glanced over at Mac, who seemed to be doing his bet to stay out of the discussion. "But I think we'd all be a lot more comfortable at home. Plus Mac has to work tomorrow… And I'm sure he has plans tonight…"

Mac finally spoke. "Jo. You're making a decision for me without even giving me a chance to weigh in. It's really not a problem if we stop."

"But aren't you on call tomorrow? And what about tonight…"

"Jo. I'm not even on call 'til noon. And I don't have any set plans, tonight or tomorrow morning. If Ellie's uncomfortable I think we should defer to her judgment. And if it'll be easier for her if we stop, then let's do it. Let her rest somewhere other than the back seat of my car."

"But, Mac, I don't want to put you out…" She frowned at him suddenly. "You really want to stay in a motel?"

Mac sighed. Although he was beginning to agree with Jo's barely concealed distaste at the idea of prolonging their time spent together, he had to admit he was becoming fatigued behind the wheel. "Jo, to be quite honest, it'll be easier for me too. I could use a break from all this driving. More than just a quick stop for dinner. Yesterday was a long day for me."

She shot him a look. _And me too._ She thought, but held her tongue. "I did offer to drive back you know."

Mac caught annoyance in her voice, but chose to ignore it. Instead, he took a long breath and when he spoke, his voice was calm and even, admittedly quite different from what he was actually feeling inside. "I think it would do us all good to stop and get out of the car, have a decent meal, and get a good night's sleep." He said pointedly, still avoiding any attempt to meet her look as he drove.

Sensing the conversation had finally come to an end, Ellie jammed her ear buds back into her ears, losing herself in the relative calm of her iPod.

Mac pulled off the highway at the next town, stopping at the first motel they came upon. He had barely turned off the ignition when Jo unclasped her seat belt and opened the car door, mumbling that she'd get the rooms as she hopped out and closed the door behind her without a glance back.

Ellie sighed. Mac glanced at her again in the rearview mirror. She looked unhappy, but he sensed it was due to more than just her leg. He considered the pros and cons of asking if there was a problem, when she cleared her throat and spoke on her own.

"Detective Taylor?" Mac turned his head back towards her. "I'm sorry to drag you out here, make you stay in a motel and keep you from getting back to the city. I'm sure you have better things to do than chauffeur us all around…"

Mac turned his whole body in the seat so he could look directly at her. He frowned. "Ellie, you don't need to apologize. It was my choice to drive your mom. And as far as tonight… I don't have any plans. And I am actually getting a little tired of driving - I don't mind staying overnight and resting up at all. I think it's the best for all of us."

She rolled her eyes, slumping further in the seat. "Well, my mom doesn't seem too happy about all this…"

"Ellie, don't blame yourself. Your mom's not feeling real well…and I think she's frustrated with herself." He hesitated a moment, but continued. "And with me too. But definitely not with you. You're one of the most important things in her life. And you're growing up so fast, that she's probably feeling like you're slipping away from her. She wants nothing more than to be there when you need her. But I expect those times are becoming fewer and further between. And now, here you do need her help, and she…just wasn't up to coming to get you on her own. She probably feels like she's failed you on one of the few opportunities she gets to step in and really take care of you, like she wants to, like a mom wants to. Instead, she had to rely on me, to play 'chauffeur'. I'm sure she would have preferred to do it herself."

"Well, that's just silly. She's my mom whether she drove up here herself or dragged you along to do it."

Mac smiled. "I know. And she didn't have to drag me. I offered. But right now, I think all she's focusing on is that she had to rely on me to do it for her, and she's annoyed with herself for being in that situation."

Ellie shrugged, her brow furrowed in thought. "But why? It's not like she could help getting sick, right?"

Mac furrowed his brow a moment, trying to think of how to respond to that. "I guess getting sick or getting injured are two things we don't have much control over in life, huh? But that doesn't mean we still don't get frustrated when it happens and starts affecting our life…"

Ellie nodded slowly, letting Mac's words sink in. She looked up suddenly at him, as if she'd just remembered something important. "Why is she mad at you?"

Mac thought very hard for a moment before responding. He'd almost avoided mentioning that part earlier. But he assumed Ellie had already caught on that he and her mother weren't on the best of terms right now. And it seemed disingenuous to ignore the obvious.

He looked away from her a moment, forming his words carefully. "Your mother and I had a...disagreement earlier. And we've been trying to work through it. We're just not quite there yet. I'm sorry if it's impacting your mother's behavior towards you."

Ellie thought a moment. "A work fight… Or something…personal?"

Mac hesitated, wondering whether Jo might be coming back to the car anytime soon… "Well, it was a little of both I guess you could say."

"Well, good luck. My mom's not one to forgive and forget to quickly. At least not until she's spoken her mind…"

Mac chuckled. "I think I might have already figured that out…"

Mac smiled wider, although he knew Ellie wasn't looking at him. "And Ellie?"

She looked up to meet his gaze.

"You know you don't need to call me 'Detective Taylor'. You can just call me Mac."

She smiled softly, but before she could say anything in response, a sudden gust of wind announced Jo's return as she whisked opened the car door and dropped heavily onto the seat, hurriedly slamming the door shut behind her. She rubbed her hands frantically up and down her arms. "Oh, Lord it's freezing out there."

Ellie snickered. "Mom, it would help if you wore your coat." She cast a glance towards Mac, who met it in the rearview mirror and winked in return.

Jo caught the subtle exchange and frowned at them. "All right. I'm gone five minutes and look at the two of you. What were you conspiring about while I was gone?'

They both cast an innocent look in her direction, but Jo just smirked. "Yea, yea. I can just see that guilty look in your eyes. Both of you. Don't worry. I'll figure it out in the end…" Jo looked meaningfully askance at Mac a moment, then glanced down at the paper in her hand. "First floor, around the corner. You can park right in front. Rooms 117 and 118. They adjoin." She glanced over at Mac. "Don't worry. There's a door in between that locks…"

-/-/-/-/-

Within five minutes they were both congregated in Jo's room: Ellie lounging on one of the queen sized beds, her belongings strewn out around her, Jo rummaging through her purse while seated on the other, Mac hovering at the doorway leading to his connecting room.

Finding her lipstick Jo spoke while opening it. "Ok. I'm officially starving right now. Shall we go get dinner?"

Ellie's shoulders sagged. "I just settled in here. Do we have to go out in the car? Plus it's snowing. And Mac's tired of driving…"

Jo frowned slightly, but before she could say anything, Mac spoke up. "Well, there's no reason you can't still have pizza and watch a movie together – I'm sure there's a place that delivers here and you can probably find just about any movie you'd want, and then some, on the in-room movie channel…"

Jo glanced at Ellie. "How's that sound? Better?"

Ellie nodded enthusiastically.

Jo moved to the desk and rifled through the binder of local attractions, finding a list of take-out restaurants. "So, what kind of pizza do you like Mac?"

Mac frowned. Ellie caught it but Jo was engrossed in perusing the menu. He sighed softly. "Well, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to go out and get a few things. I wasn't really planning on spending the night anywhere. I'll leave you two ladies to your pizza and movie night together. Don't worry about me. I'll grab a sandwich or something somewhere."

He moved to exit the room and close the door behind him, but stopped himself and turned back. "You two need anything since I'm going out?" He looked from Jo to Ellie and back again.

Ellie looked from her mom to Mac and back. "No thanks. I have all my stuff in my bag."

Jo thought a moment, then cleared her throat. "If you happen to see a toothbrush, that would be nice. I think I can borrow the rest from Ellie…"

Ellie turned to her mother, wrinkling up her face, but saying nothing.

Mac nodded. "Ok, then… Umm, have a good time." And he turned and walked away, closing the connecting door between their rooms and locking it. Jo stared at it for several moments, Ellie watching her closely.

-/-/-/-/-

An hour later, Jo stood at the desk, dividing the steaming pizza between two paper plates, then pouring the soda into plastic cups.

Ellie watched her, propped against pillows in her bed. "Did you guys have a fight?"

Jo stopped what she was doing and looked over at Ellie. "Hmm?"

"You and Mac. Did you have a fight at work?"

Trying to figure out what, if anything, Ellie had already learned, Jo asked, "Why?"

Ellie shrugged slightly. "Mac said you were angry with him."

The hint of a smile passed across Jo's face. "Oh, he did, did he?"

Ellie nodded slightly. "In the car. When you were checking us into the motel."

Jo sat down on the bed next to her daughter. "Well, that's true. We didn't see eye to eye on something. But it's fine. We're working it out."

"It wasn't just about work though, right?"

Jo furrowed her brow slightly. "Well… Ellie we're friends. So…I guess you're right. Our disagreement impacted more than just work. It happens. But these things work themselves out eventually. "

"It didn't with Tyler's dad."

Jo was taken aback by Ellie's comment, but tried her best to hide her surprise. "Well, Ellie. That's a little different. Mac and I aren't married. We're colleagues. And Russ and I had a lot of issues that turned out to be insurmountable. There's quite a difference."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "I know that. But what I'm saying, is it doesn't just work itself out, right? You have to make an effort… You have to try to work it out, if you want to."

Jo cocked her head at Ellie a moment. "Absolutely… Relationships, whether personal or professional, take a lot of hard work."

Jo stood up and handed Ellie her soda but Ellie set it down on the nightstand without taking a drink. "He's nice, you know…"

Jo gazed at Ellie. "Mac? Of course. But it's not like you've just met him for the first time tonight, El…"

Ellie shrugged. "I know. But…he's just nice. He listens when he should. And even though he's kinda quiet, when he talks, it always seems to make sense."

Jo sat back down next to her daughter and pondered that for a moment.

Ellie watched her mother, then continued. "I can see why you like working with him."

"How can you see that?" Jo asked, genuinely curious. Ellie hadn't seen much of the two of them together; not at all during the past year. And their interactions today couldn't possibly have hinted at anything positive.

Ellie shrugged. "Well, you said so once."

Jo looked at her blankly.

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Remember last year – for my science class - everyone had to pick one lab partner for the whole semester? And I couldn't decide, because if I picked Anne, then Lacey would be angry, if I picked Lacey, Anne would be mad, and if I picked someone else, they'd both be mad and sit around talking about me not picking either of them. And you said something like 'it can't be that hard - it's just science-lab partners'. So I asked you, if you had to pick only one person at your job to work with for the rest of the year, how easy would that be? And you said 'it'd be easy as pie'. You'd choose Mac, hands down, no question about it." She eyed Jo for several seconds, waiting for some reaction. "Don't you even remember?"

Jo's head nodded…slowly, as the memory filtered back into her mind. That had been last year, shortly before Mac was shot. So much had changed. But if Ellie had asked that question of her now, she had to admit the answer would probably still be the same. Perhaps not the quick response time; she may have pondered it a bit longer. But in the end, she couldn't think of anyone else she'd choose.

As they sat in silence for a moment, she realized Mac had returned from whatever errands he'd set out to run. Although his connecting door was still locked, she'd never bothered closing their side and she could easily hear him puttering around next door. Jo glanced up toward his room. And suddenly felt rather guilty. She knew Mac – too well perhaps. Knew how hard it must've been for him to navigate through that long period of dependency following his shooting, his lengthy recovery, his somewhat rocky return to work. And most of all, how hard it must have been for him to call her up that morning and ask her out – with an eye towards finally apologizing properly for how he'd pushed her away. Mac was trying. He'd taken the first step. In his own, rather bumbling way, he was making an effort to bring their relationship back to how it'd been. Back to the relationship that, deep down, she knew she still yearned for, on a daily basis. Yet here she was, fighting him every step of the way. Perhaps it was her turn to take that next step.

She glanced suddenly at Ellie, who was still watching her, her brow creased, trying to figure out what on earth was going through her mother's brain. Jo smiled widely. "You're right Ellie. Mac's a good guy. One of the best. What da ya say we ask him if he wants to join us for the movie?"

Ellie nodded vigorously and Jo bounded off the bed to go knock on the connecting door. "Hey, Mac…?"

**A/N: Wow. I'm truly sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter. Spring break swooped in and hijacked my life for a couple weeks, though I can't say I put up much of a fight there. Then I had some difficulty getting back into the story. But life seems to be returning to normal now and I've gotten inspired again. Next update before the end of the week.**


	5. Chapter 5

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_She glanced suddenly at Ellie, who was still watching her, her brow creased, trying to figure out what on earth was going through her mother's brain. Jo smiled widely. "You're right Ellie. Mac's a good guy. One of the best. What da ya say we ask him if he wants to join us for the movie?"_

_Ellie nodded vigorously and Jo bounded off the bed to go knock on the connecting door. "Hey, Mac…?"_

**Chapter 5: Baby steps**

"I'm sorry Christine. I'll be back before noon, but on call until eight."

Jo's hand froze a split second before knocking on the door to Mac's room. Hearing him on the phone, she quickly withdrew, desperately wanting to listen but knowing it was inappropriate.

"What's wrong mom?" Ellie looked at her oddly.

"Oh, he's on the phone. I'll wait." She grabbed the television remote and tossed it to Ellie. "Let's put away your homework and see what our movie options are."

In his room, Mac had just sat down in the oversized chair, trying to get comfortable as he listened to Christine on the line.

"_Oh Mac, that's a shame. I was hoping we could have brunch together, before you're on-call."_

"I know." Mac rubbed his hand down his face. "But Ellie's uncomfortable in the car. It seemed to make sense to stop for the night and give her a break." He paused. "But it would have been nice to spend some time together… Maybe I shouldn't have offered to drive Jo here…"

"_No, Mac. It's good you could help, plus I've been busy all day. Let's keep our fingers crossed that all the criminals decide to take tomorrow off and you won't get called in…"_

He chuckled. "Wouldn't that be nice? Unlikely, but…nice."

"_I miss you Mac. Just since this morning." _

"I miss you too." He hesitated a moment. "Christine, you do know that if I could have, I'd have come straight back. To be with you."

"_Of course I know Mac. But you need take care of Ellie. And Jo. How is she anyway?"_

"She'll be fine."

"_Well, that's good to hear. Tell her 'hi'. And don't forget to invite her to dinner – how about next weekend if you're both off. Saturday or Sunday nights work; and find out if she'll bring someone." _She sighed suddenly. _"Listen, it's nearly dinner rush here…"_

Mac glanced at his watch. "Ok. I love you Christine."

"_I love you too Mac. I'll see you tomorrow around lunchtime, ok? I'll make something special."_

Mac frowned. "Don't forget I'm on call…"

"_I know. But remember - the criminals are taking the day off."_

Mac smiled. "Right, of course. 'Bye."

"_Good night Mac."_

He ended the call, his brow creased, thinking that perhaps he shouldn't have volunteered to drive Jo the very day after he'd proposed to Christine. Thinking that even though Christine had been busy, it would have been nice to be there once she wasn't. Instead, she'd be going home to an empty apartment, an empty bed, and waking up to the same tomorrow morning. And despite their joking about a crime-free day, they both knew that was only a dream.

But he also knew that his vow to reexamine his life didn't just apply to his relationship with Christine. The same impetus that led him to propose to her last night had also led him to seek out Jo this morning. And when he offered to help pick-up Ellie, he'd seen it as the perfect opportunity to continue his efforts at rekindling the friendship they'd shared for a solid two years. Before it had begun to turn sour. Thanks to him.

He looked towards the door dividing their rooms, recalling he'd heard Jo call his name earlier while he talked to Christine. He stood, pausing to stretch upon realizing that might have been the most uncomfortable chair he'd ever sat in. He unlocked his door and pulled it slightly ajar, hesitating upon seeing that hers was wide open. He called her name, not wanting to intrude. "Jo? Did you knock?"

She appeared, a soft smile on her face. "Hey. Ellie and I are just about to watch that movie and thought you should join us. The pizza and soda just came a couple minutes ago. There's plenty if you want some."

Mac thought a moment, thinking about the early edition of the New York Times, the deli sandwich and the coffee, now likely cold, that he'd picked up at the pharmacy down the street. The hot pizza sounded tempting; but he wasn't feeling very sociable at the moment and the thought of watching a movie with the two of them suddenly seemed unsettling.

Jo caught his hesitation, his furtive glance at the newspaper on the bed behind him, the slight wrinkle that appeared in his forehead and her smile faded slightly. She could tell he was trying to come up with a polite way to decline their offer. Her voice became soft, nearly pleading. "Come on Mac. We won't bite. And there's nothing wrong with just relaxing – you can analyze the news at breakfast tomorrow. Or tonight when you can't sleep. Come sit with us."

He looked into her eyes, and was caught off guard at what he saw there - that glimmer of genuine compassion, unrestrained adoration and quirky playfulness that had been a trademark of so many of their interactions in the past. Something he hadn't seen directed towards him in a while. And while he'd meant to look away, he couldn't seem to. "But…," he stammered, "…I already bought a sandwich…" He backed up slightly, still looking at her, reaching back blindly and grabbing the plastic wrapped mound from the bed.

Jo frowned, a look of distaste on her face. "Mac you already had one pre-made, plastic-wrapped excuse for a meal that'd been sitting for God only knows how long in some random hole-in-the-wall that shouldn't even be licensed to sell food… Don't tempt your luck a second time. Or I might end up having to drive _you _home tomorrow. And given your stubbornness earlier at the hospital, I expect you wouldn't tolerate that. So come on. Just join us." And she reached out, took the sandwich from him and tossed it into the garbage bin before grabbing his arm and pulling him ever so slightly into her room.

"Mom… Nothing's coming in - no network tv, no cable, no movie service – every channel says 'no signal'."

Ellie looked up and frowned even deeper seeing her mother pulling Mac in by the arm. Releasing his arm, they both turned to stare at him, expectant looks on their faces, as if he might hold the universal secret to fixing recalcitrant electronic devices. He cleared his throat nervously. "Well… It's pretty windy out. Maybe that's affecting reception… Why don't I just call the desk?" And he escaped back into his room.

Ellie looked questioningly at Jo. "Didn't he want to watch? You had to drag him in here?"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Mac likes to pretend he's shy and dull and a recluse; sometimes he just needs a bit of encouragement."

"Mmm. You guys still fighting or did you make up?" Ellie asked, without even looking up from the book bag she was rummaging through.

Jo smirked. "We're still workin' at it."

"The fighting or the making up?"

Jo chuckled. "That, my dear Ellie, remains to be seen…"

Five minutes later, Mac returned. "The wind knocked out the satellite dish – won't be repaired until tomorrow." He glanced over at Jo. "He gave you a discount on the bill – it'll show up on your credit card." His gaze trailed to Ellie. "But that doesn't help with the movie plans I suppose."

Ellie leaned back into the pillows propped behind her back and sighed. "Well, I guess that means more time to do homework… Oh joy."

Jo walked over and patted Ellie's arm. "Well, get it all done tonight and we can have a movie marathon tomorrow at home. How's that sound?"

Ellie smiled timidly, her voice hopeful. "You're not working?"

Jo smiled, shaking her head, and Ellie beamed.

Mac cleared his throat. "I'm going to go read the newspaper…"

Jo frowned. "Mac…"

He looked back at her. She grabbed a slice of pizza and a napkin. "At least take some food - since I tossed your sandwich…"

He hesitated, then took it with a smile. "Thanks, Jo. Good night Ellie." Jo stared at his back as he walked away, then turned towards the bathroom, but not before Ellie caught the look of disappointment on her face.

-/-/-/-/-

Twenty minutes later there was a tentative knock on the door and Mac stood up from the bed where he was reading his newspaper. "Yes?"

"Mac? Can I come?"

"Sure. What's wrong?" He unlocked the door and stood back to let her enter.

She had another slice of pizza and a can of cola. "I thought you should really have more to eat… Ellie and I are stuffed and I hate for this to go to waste." She set it down on the nightstand, then smiled.

He raised his eyebrows. "Some sort of peace offering?"

She looked at him curiously. "Do I owe you one?"

He hesitated a moment, then shook his head. "Thanks for the pizza."

She stared at him then nodded. "All right. Goodnight Mac."

Over the next hour, she knocked on his door three more times. First, she'd wanted to know what time they should meet for breakfast. The second time, she asked for the toothbrush she'd asked him to buy. By the third time, Mac was wondering if she wasn't just doing this to torture him.

Mac sighed loudly. "Yes, Jo?"

She peeked around the door a weak smile on her face.

Laying down his newspaper he glanced up. She couldn't quite read his face and hesitated, fearing perhaps she'd disturbed him one too many times. She held her breath, debating the implication of turning around and leaving him be when she caught a slight tremor at the edge of his lip that morphed into a smirk.

He raised his eyebrows inquisitively at her. "So, you think maybe you just want to move in here for the night? Save us both a lot of disruption…"

Jo couldn't help but give free reign to the flirtatious look she knew had broken out on her face. She cast her gaze around a moment, finally nodding at where he was sitting. "You inviting me to move into that nice, roomy king sized bed? Don't you tempt me Taylor. I might just say 'yes'. Then what're ya gonna do?"

He chuckled, feeling a slight blush color his cheeks. "It's probably big enough I wouldn't even notice you were here."

The air of playfulness fell from her face and she flashed him a look of astonishment instead. "Oh, really? Well, gee, thank you. Way to boost a lady's self-image…"

He shot her one of his modest grins, averting his eyes slightly as he did so. When he got up the nerve to catch her gaze again, she was still smiling pointedly at him and he looked at her somewhat shyly.

"Did you actually need something?" He inquired, a sarcastic lilt to his voice.

She sighed, her voice still laced with a tinge of humor. "Well, yes, now that you remind me, I did actually come for some reason other than to have you demean my sex appeal."

Mac opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off as she continued, her tone more serious now. "I was hoping I could borrow your phone charger? I didn't bring mine and my phone's dead." She raised her hands as if defending herself. "And yes, I know, Ellie's here with me, and Tyler's with Russ but, I guess the mom in me never quite shuts down – I can't help but think someone, somewhere is going to desperately need to get a hold of me…"

He smiled softly at her. "You don't need to explain Jo. It's fine. The charger's right here." He nodded at the night table next to him, reaching out to disconnect his own phone. "I spent about 15 minutes halfway under the bed trying to get it plugged in. The outlet behind the nightstand doesn't work. So it might be easier if you just charge it here."

She looked at him hesitantly. "Well, only if it won't disturb you. I'll come get it in a half hour or so? Or sooner, just let me know."

He nodded. She walked over and plugged her phone in.

"How's Christine taking your little layover outside Albany with us?" She blurted out suddenly.

He quirked his brow. "She understood – she's busy anyway."

Jo looked at him a moment, as if she had more to say. Mac waited expectantly, but she merely averted her eyes, mumbling a hasty "Thanks, Mac," and turning to walk away.

Mac stared as she disappeared into her room without a look back. He considered following her, when Jo's phone began to vibrate. Sighing, he glanced at the screen. His brow furrowing slightly, he moved to unplug it and take it to her, but stopped, realizing it wouldn't be charged enough to last the walk to Jo's room.

He hurriedly rose from the bed, knocking on her door and pushing it slightly ajar.

"Jo?" He called. A moment later she appeared, toothbrush in her mouth.

"Mmp?" She looked at him questioningly, her mouth full of toothpaste.

He nodded towards his room. "You've got a call – Agent Conover."

"Mmm!" Her eyes opened wide and after a frenzied shaking of her hands in front of her mouth, she returned to the bathroom to spit before jetting past Mac. Mac glanced at Ellie typing madly on her laptop while listening to her iPod, oblivious to all else. Uncertain what he should do, or where he should go, he trailed hesitantly after Jo, watching her grab the phone and speak in a flustered voice. "Jo. Danville."

Mac couldn't help but look on in amazement at the transformation that overtook her in the span of the next thirty seconds as she listened intently to whatever Agent Conover was saying. Her entire body seemed to take a deep breath and relax, as if she'd just submerged herself in a warm bath. A coquettish smile fanned across her lips, extending so far that the corners of her eyes joined in as well. Her gaze kept trailing downwards towards the floor, as if she were suddenly shy or embarrassed, and her left hand seemed intent on fiddling with a lock of hair behind her ear. When she spoke, Mac noticed not the words, but her voice and how it had taken on a completely different tone…the same tone she'd always used when making some barely concealed sexual innuendo in his presence, just to see him blush. A tone that conjured images of dripping honey, delicate wind chimes and curtains fluttering in a soft breeze.

She giggled lightly, the sound of a hundred tiny bells, then suddenly cast a glance at Mac.

"Cade, hang on just a moment, ok?" Pressing the phone against her body to block out her words, she looked directly at Mac, her eyebrows furrowed, the smile no longer gracing her lips. "Mac, I don't think my phone's charged enough to unplug it… Would you mind…"

Mac got the hint. "I'll…" He realized he didn't know what to do. It was freezing outside. Closing himself in the bathroom wouldn't afford her much privacy. And he didn't want to bother Ellie by barging into their room. He looked at her, shrugging his shoulders.

Jo shrugged as well, mimicking his own lost expression, then suddenly nodded to her room. "Go help Ellie with her homework. She'll appreciate a new mind to torture."

He frowned, but complied, knocking gently on the door to Jo and Ellie's room as he heard Jo's voice take on again it's earlier melodic tone. He opened the door to find Ellie in the same exact position on her bed. Sensing movement, Ellie glanced up, a perplexed look on her face as she took out one of the earbuds and looked at Mac expectantly.

He stood, not certain what to do now. "You're mom told me to come help you with your homework. She had to take a call…"

Ellie nodded. "Oh. Ok. Russ and Tyler?"

Mac shook his head. "No…" He hesitated. "Someone from the Bureau."

"Ah," Ellie nodded her head knowingly. "Cade." She smiled matter of factly at Mac. "You know him right? You guys all went to San Francisco last fall…"

Mac nodded, curious what Ellie knew about agent Conover. "I do know him," he replied slowly. "You do too?"

Ellie shrugged. "Not real well. I met him once. My mom used to work with him. They're old friends."

Mac's curiosity was piqued, as he thought back to Christine's earlier inquiry about Jo's love life. But he knew it wasn't fair to Ellie, or Jo, to ask more questions. They stared at each other a moment, then Mac smiled slightly. "So, do you really need help, or was your mom just trying to get me out?"

Ellie giggled, flashing him a conspiratorial smile. "I'm pretty sure she was trying to get you outta there."

Mac nodded. "I figured as much." He nodded at the book and pile of notebooks and folders next to her laptop. "What're you working on?"

She let out a long sigh. "To Kill a Mockingbird. I have to write an essay on what Maudie meant when she told Jem…" Ellie paused to glance down at her screen, reading the quotation from it. "…'We're making a step – it's just a baby step but it's a step'." She stopped suddenly and looked questioningly up at Mac. "You've read it, right?"

He smiled and sat down on Jo's bed across from Ellie's. "Yes. Many years ago though. I'm not sure I'd be much help."

Ellie shrugged. "That's ok. It's pretty easy. See, even though Maudie and Atticus knew they couldn't change how things were then, they understood that what they were doing was like a baby step, working towards a resolution of the greater problem; it's just that the resolution wouldn't come about 'til later, maybe much later. But that didn't mean the baby step wasn't important."

Mac nodded. "Sounds like you've got it under control."

Before Ellie could respond, they both looked up at the sound of Jo's voice.

"Hey you two..." Jo suddenly appeared through the door, her voice singsong. Mac watched as she came to a stop between him and Ellie. She seemed giddy, a smile plastered on her face. She turned suddenly to Mac.

"Sorry about that Mac. I'm done if you want your room back. And my phone's still charging if that's ok…"

Mac rose, sensing he was somehow being dismissed. Perhaps a mother-daughter discussion was on the horizon. He nodded at Jo and returned to his room, pulling the door closed and sitting down on the bed to continue perusing the newspaper.

Ten minutes later, there was yet another knock on his door. This time, Jo peeked in without waiting for a response.

"Sorry. Forgot my toothbrush before…" She breezed in and snatched it from the nightstand. "I'll just take my phone now too so I don't bother you anymore. I'm going to go to sleep soon anyway."

Mac watched her, an amused look on his face. "So…I wasn't aware the Bureau got involved in one of our cases?"

She gave him a quizzical look as she disconnected her phone.

Mac nodded at her phone. "Agent Conover…?"

Jo arched an eyebrow at his question, but a moment later a saucy smile descended upon her face. "It wasn't about business Mac, don't worry. I'd have kept you in the loop if it were." And she turned towards her room, tossing a lilting "Good night" over her shoulder as she closed the door.

-/-/-/-/-

Mac jolted awake, squinting against the harsh light from the bedside lamp. Glancing down, he saw the New York Times scattered across him. He sighed. He'd fallen asleep reading the paper. Rubbing his eyes, he glanced at the clock, seeing it was shortly after three a.m. His neck screamed in pain and he tried to massage some of the kinks out. He wasn't certain what had disturbed his sleep. He didn't recall any dream. The motel seemed quiet. Perhaps it was just the discomfort of falling asleep how he had.

He sat up gingerly, stretching out his back and lifted his sweater over his head, pulling his t-shirt back down. He stood to remove his jeans when he heard a resounding thud from Jo's room next door.

Refastening the jeans, he approached the connecting door to listen, imagining Ellie trying to maneuver in the dark and further injuring her knee. Suddenly he heard someone cry out and his hand began unlocking his door. As he opened it, he heard a string of mumbled curses, and there was no mistaking it was Jo.

Her room was pitch black and he opened his door wider, letting some of the light from his own room filter through.

"Jo? Is everything all right?"

She appeared suddenly, dressed in what appeared to be Ellie's soccer shorts and a white tank top that appeared to be drenched. She brushed haphazardly at it with her hand. "I'm fine. I couldn't sleep."

"Did you drop something?" Mac asked. She looked at him oddly and he shrugged. "I heard a noise…"

"Mmm, I got up to get some water and tripped over Ellie's soccer bag. I was annoyed, threw it into the closet. Sorry. That was probably a bit loud. Did I wake you?"

"No. I was already awake."

He glanced at the pitch black of her room. "Why don't you turn on a light so you don't trip?"

Jo shook her head. "Ellie can sleep through anything but a light turning on. The tiniest glow from even a flashlight and she's wide awake."

He nodded, glancing at her tank-top. "What happened there?"

"Oh. I got back into bed and spilled the entire glass of ice water on myself."

Mac bit back a laugh and she glared back at him. "Well, I'm glad I can at least serve as a source of amusement during our mutual bout of insomnia. I am, however, completely drenched and it's rather cold."

"Do you have anything else you can put on?"

She shook her head. "Well, my clothes, sure."

He saw her shiver and frowned.

"Come here."

"I'm not really dressed for…

"Jo. It's three in the morning. It's dark. I really don't care how you're dressed…"

"I don't want to bother you…"

"I was already awake."

"Well…"

"Just come in so we don't wake up Ellie. I'll give you my shirt to sleep in so you don't freeze to death…"

"Mac! Good grief, you don't need to do that…"

"Yes I do. I can't have you coming down with the flu and calling in sick next week just because you were too stubborn to wear my t-shirt…"

She narrowed her eyes at him a moment. "Ah, I see. So your motivation has nothing to do with concern for me, but rather your duty to keep the Crime Lab fully staffed at all times…"

He nodded, his look serious. "Exactly."

She rolled her eyes and entered slowly, Mac noticing for the first time how wet her tank top really was. Her arms were raised in an attempt to cover herself, but the entire front of her shirt was soaked through, rendering the thin cotton virtually transparent in the light of his room. She turned slightly and he quickly averted his eyes, both of them realizing at the same moment that he'd been blatantly staring at her.

He turned abruptly, moving towards the bed. "Just a minute, I'll give you my t-shirt…"

As Mac pulled off his shirt and grabbed his sweater off the bed, she glanced down at her self and rolled her eyes. "I know, I'm quite the sight. I didn't exactly bring pajamas with me… And have you ever tried sleeping in jeans?" As he turned back around, she glanced down at the jeans he was sporting and bit her tongue. Lord, surely he hadn't slept in those just because she and Ellie were in the next room. But before she could make some sarcastic quip, her gaze slid upwards and froze, hovering at his naked torso.

He reached out to hand his t-shirt to Jo, but she didn't notice. Her attention was entirely captivated by his physique. In the three years they'd worked together, she'd never seen him in any state even bordering on the undressed. Except perhaps for his initial time in the hospital. But the last thing on her mind then was the muscle tone of his upper body. Which, she had to admit, was really rather impressive. Marred only by the lengthy scar spanning his abdomen and the smaller wound on his upper chest. But they somehow managed to give him a rather dangerous edge, by no means detracting from his appeal. In fact if anything, she was pretty certain they added to it.

As her gaze trailed along the line of muscle in his outstretched arm, she suddenly realized the t-shirt clasped in his hand at the end of that arm was intended for her. She jolted back to consciousness and, quickly grabbing it, brushed past him on her way to the bathroom. "I'll just change real fast here so I don't wake Ellie…" And she disappeared.

When she came out a minute later, Mac's billowing t-shirt obscuring any outline of what might lay underneath, she noticed he'd slipped on his sweater from the day before. Temptation sequestered away for the time being, they hesitantly met each other's gaze.

"Thanks." She mumbled, then looked away. "Mac…would it be too much to ask if I could make a cup of tea with the coffee percolator in the bathroom? As soon as it's done, I promise I'll leave you alone. Something hot sounds good right now. But only if it's not too much trouble. If you want to go back to sleep…"

"Jo. Relax. It's not a problem. Tea sounds good. Why don't you sit down…" He reached into the closet and turned back with a spare blanket. "Here. Take this so you don't freeze. I'll make some tea and we can drink it here. I hate to think of you spilling that on yourself in your bed. We'll end up back at the hospital."

She smiled, moving to sit but stopping short, not certain exactly where to go. Mac realized there was only the one easy chair and he'd nearly thrown his back out sitting in it earlier. He reached down and gathered up the sections of the newspaper strewn across the bed, tossing them into the trash. "Here, just have a seat on the bed. I wouldn't recommend the chair..."

He came out a minute later, sitting on the opposite side of the bed from her. "It'll take a couple minutes…"

Jo nodded. "Mac. I…wanted to apologize for some of the things I said this morning back at my apartment. About Christine. Or, rather, in reference to her. And your proposal to her. And me..." She rolled her eyes. "I'm not even sure what I said, but I remember it wasn't very nice. I really didn't mean it, Mac. I wasn't feeling well and I was frustrated and tired and angry. I really am happy for you. For the both of you… I hope you know that."

Mac nodded slightly, sensing she wasn't quite done yet.

"It's just… Well, something you said this morning rubbed me the wrong way. How after you were shot, you said you'd pushed away Christine just like you did me. But that the two of you managed to work through your difficulties in the end, since you were in a relationship. Yet you and I haven't been able to – how it was easier to push me away and keep me there because we _weren't_ in a relationship. But Mac, friendship is a relationship too. An extremely valuable one in my opinion. I value ours very, very much. And if you want it to last, sometimes you have to put some effort into it, just like any relationship. I realize she's your girlfriend. Fiancée. But I felt you just threw away our friendship, as if you no longer cared about us. As if I, we, meant nothing to you…"

"…So, I guess I just want to say… I've been watching your relationship with Christine growing closer and deeper over time, despite some rough patches of course, and I'm so happy for you. But I've also been watching our friendship growing further and deeper apart, almost over the same time frame. And looking back now, and after what you said this morning… It seems to me that perhaps you feel they're mutually exclusive."

He frowned, "That's not true Jo. Geez, you sound like you're wanting me to pick between the two of you…"

"Good Lord no, Mac. That's not my point at all… But this morning you almost made it sound as if, in the end, you chose your relationship with Christine over your friendship with me, and I don't feel that's fair, or genuine, or even necessary. There shouldn't have to be a choice there because personal relationships don't exclude friendships, and vice versa."

"Jo, I called you this morning for that precise reason. Because I'm trying to make the effort to rebuild our friendship. I miss what we had, very much. And I'm sorry if it seemed I was putting more value on my relationship with her than my friendship with you. I certainly didn't intend that. Although, in retrospect, well, maybe I was. I… I told you I'm not very good at this. Any of this. It was hard, starting up a serious relationship again after so long. It's possible it may have distracted me from our friendship. And when things got tough, after I was shot, I wasn't very good at committing to any relationship I had, Christine's, yours, anyone's. But I want to fix that now. Really, truly, I do."

"Well, just as long as you realize that you have to make a commitment to each if you really want them to last. And if you don't want to, or can't right then, well, maybe you'd better just be honest about it up front."

"You're absolutely right Jo. And I'm sorry." Mac's voice was nearly a whisper.

A minute later, a small beeping noise interrupted the reflective silence that had descended over them. Mac rose. "Well, that either means it's done or I did something wrong and it's about to explode."

She laughed lightly. "The head of the NY Crime Lab can't figure out the automatic coffee machine in a motel bathroom?"

Mac flashed her a silly grin. "The first time I tried to use one of them it basically did explode. Coffee everywhere. It was the first trip Claire and I took together. She was just unpacking and it got all over her clothes. She never let me live that down. I've been wary of them ever since." Jo was silent a moment and he looked over at her, curious as to the reason.

She was looking at him. An odd look of sadness and curiosity on her face. She smiled softly. "Was that on your honeymoon?"

His grin faded slightly. "No. For our honeymoon we actually went camping. Neither of us had any money at the time, I was recently out of the service, she'd just gotten out of school, we were in the middle of getting ready to move out here. We just wanted to be together. Didn't really matter where. And thinking back, I guess that might just have been the best trip we ever took."

Jo nodded. "Yea. I know what you mean. Russ and I took a completely spur of the moment trip to Virginia Beach one weekend way before we were married. Turned out everything mildly habitable was already booked – there was some festival we didn't even know about. We stayed in some seedy motel room with a kitchenette that was inhabited by an extended family of cockroaches. But we had the time of our lives. We just made sure we ate every meal out. To this day, I still have fond memories of that weekend." Mac watched as her gaze softened slightly, then saddened, the stark contrast between the memory and how things had ended for her and Russ clearly taking center stage. When she spoke, Mac could barely hear her. "Sad, how things couldn't just stay like they were."

Mac nodded slowly and moved towards the bathroom to get the tea, murmuring just loudly enough for her to hear, "I suppose one could say that about many things…"

"I suppose one could." She nearly whispered, wondering which of several possible 'things' Mac was thinking about at that moment.

Over five minutes later Mac came out of the bathroom, two Styrofoam cups of steaming tea in hand. He was just about to ask Jo to take one when he froze. She was asleep on the bed. Curled up in a ball, her head on one of the pillows. He frowned slightly, not in annoyance, but rather in confusion as to what he should do now. He set the cups of tea down on the night table and stood staring at her.

He was loathe wake her. She'd mentioned she was having insomnia. He glanced over at the easy chair. He supposed he would sleep there, although he knew from earlier it would result in more aches and pains in his body than he cared to ponder. He picked up the extra blanket that had fallen to the floor and moved to settle himself in the chair. But glancing back at Jo, dressed only in his t-shirt and Ellie's soccer shorts, he was certain there were goosebumps on her arms. He realized that perhaps she was rolled so tightly into a ball because she was cold, not because that's normally how she slept. He glanced at the blanket in his hand and without any hesitation, spread it out over Jo's sleeping form. As he gently arranged the cover over her, his hand brushed against her bare arm and he slowed, lingering there, as he marveled at how soft her skin felt. He glanced down at her face. Her hair had fallen over her features, masking all but the tip of her nose and chin. He found himself tempted to reach out and brush the stray strands away, but then he frowned and jerked his hand back suddenly. Instead he pulled the blanket further up her body and, switching off the light, he made his way to the chair, trying to arrange himself as comfortably as possible…

Finally giving up on comfort, he sighed and looked towards Jo's peaceful form. His mind wandered back to Ellie's homework. "Baby steps." Surely he and Jo had made some during the past day. And while the greater goal may not have been reached yet, progress had certainly been made. And sometimes, that's all one could hope for in the moment…

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading. Next update should be early next week. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just a warning – this is really long… Sorry!**

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_Finally giving up on comfort, he sighed and looked towards Jo's peaceful form. His mind wandered back to Ellie's homework. "Baby steps." Surely he and Jo had made some during the past day. And while the greater goal may not have been reached yet, progress had certainly been made. And sometimes, that's all one could hope for in the moment…_

**Chapter 6: Step with Care and Great Tact**

For the sixth time in the past hour, Mac was jarred awake from the sensation of his head snapping forward so abruptly it seemed his neck might break. Leaning further back into the easy chair, he reached up to massage the taught muscles there. He shivered slightly, despite still being clothed in jeans and sweater. The heat seemed perpetually set at a few degrees above frigid, despite his attempts to turn up the thermostat more than once. He sighed loudly and shifted as his back cracked, wondering absently whether Jo might feel up to driving back tomorrow, as he was beginning to doubt whether he'd even be able to get out of the chair.

He glanced over at her. She was still in the exact same position as when she'd fallen asleep an hour ago: on top of the bedspread, just at the edge of the bed, curled up into a tight ball. Except her hair had fallen from her face and he could just make out her features in the darkness of the room. She seemed peaceful enough, sleeping away soundly. In _his_ bed. As he watched her, his body began to yearn for the comfort of his bed, even this motel version, replete with scratchy sheets, lumpy mattress and questionable cleanliness. Anything would be an improvement over this damned chair.

As he gazed at her, Mac let his fatigued mind wander, playing with the idea of just sliding under the covers on the far side, leaving Jo still on top of the bedspread on the other, so that they could sleep together…so to speak. He'd already joked about how much space there was in the huge king bed. He didn't expect Jo would mind. Given how deeply she seemed to sleep, she might not even notice. Although the more he thought about that possibility, he feared it might be unbearably awkward if she were to wake up before he did to find him asleep, in bed, right next to her.

But five more minutes of shifting in the chair and he'd convinced himself that sharing the bed was the only solution if he had any hope of being able to move tomorrow. He rose slowly, cringing as his back and neck protested his attempt at standing upright. He ambled towards her and stared a moment, wondering if he shouldn't wake her to let her know what he was doing. Better yet, if he was going to wake her, perhaps he could just ask her to move back to her own bed. He didn't want any embarrassment or discomfort between them. And he certainly didn't want to jeopardize their tentative reconciliation by assuming she wouldn't care about sharing a bed with her boss.

But looking down at her face, peaceful in her sleep, he realized he couldn't bring himself to wake her, and then risk that she'd never fall back to sleep again. And in any case, she'd spilled an entire glass of water in her bed. It was likely still drenched. He'd leave her be and let her rest. Padding to the other side, he pulled back the covers and gingerly climbed into the bed, praying that he wouldn't disturb her. Once he was settled, he hazarded a look in Jo's direction, but she hadn't moved an inch. Pleased with himself, he turned onto his side, facing away from her, and pulled the covers up tighter around him. He closed his eyes as he felt sleep beckoning, his muscles relaxing into the relative comfort of the mattress, and within minutes of his head hitting the pillow, he drifted off…

…only to awake an hour later, shivering uncontrollably. His hand reached down, blindly, searching for the sheet, the blanket, the bedspread. Anything that would provide warmth. There was nothing. Opening his eyes ever so slightly, not wanting to let the fog of sleep completely dissipate, he tried to locate the missing covers. And found them. On Jo. Although her body was still atop the bedding on her side, she must have reached out in the night and managed to pull everything off him, wrapping it back over her as if she were in a cocoon. He reached out and gently attempted to pull it back over onto him. But she seemed to have it in a death grip.

Jo stirred slightly, shifting in her sleep and Mac stilled. A moment later, he restarted his efforts to retrieve his covers. He managed to pull them halfway towards his body before she stirred again. This time she groaned loudly and spoke in a muffled voice, the words barely comprehensible.

"Mmmfff. Ruussss. Stop stealin' covers..." She slurred and rolled over away from him, taking all the covers back with her as she did so.

Mac rolled his eyes, sighing softly in frustration. Now all she needed to do was start snoring and he vowed he would just get up and go out for an early breakfast alone, sleep be damned. Glancing over towards her, he noticed that the spare blanket he'd covered her with earlier was hanging off the other side of the bed, abandoned. Annoyed, he pushed himself up and rose, circling around to grab the blanket.

As he lay back down, arranging the thin material over himself, he pondered her mumbled words. And wondered off-hand whether Jo had ever been in a long-term relationship since her divorce from Russ. He'd certainly never heard her talk of anyone, past or present. She'd not even mentioned Cade in that sense. But the fact that Jo hadn't responded straight out to his question about the nature of Cade's call made him think that perhaps there was something there that she was trying to keep private. He just wasn't certain what. He found his eyes becoming heavy again and, deciding that Jo's love-life wasn't particularly worth losing sleep over, he turned and closed his eyes, gripping his blanket tightly, hoping to sleep another hour before having to get up.

-/-/-/-/-

Mac let out yet another sigh as Jo brushed against his back for what seemed the twentieth time. The past hour had consisted of an entire series of these delicate dances in which Jo seemed intent (if doing so in her sleep could be deemed intentional) on closing the gap between them, while he responded by doing his best to move further away. By now he was quite literally at the edge of the bed; any further movement on his part, and he would be on the floor. He lay, completely silent and still, hardly daring to breath for fear it would spur her to roll over one final time and close that last inch-wide space between them.

Glancing at the digital clock on the night table, he sighed inwardly. It was nearly seven a.m. If they were going to get up and eat and be on their way in time for him to be on call by noon, they'd need to start moving.

He shifted slightly to gain some balance before getting up to shower, but it seemed to trigger some reflex in Jo. Mac froze. Whereas she'd been on her back a mere second ago, she now rolled towards him, or rather into him. He could feel her nose just touching the nape of his neck, her soft, warm breath gliding just under the neckline of his sweater, her hair tickling his nose and upper back as it managed to fan out everywhere. And he was pinned. Between her and the edge of the bed. He was pretty certain he didn't even have enough space to maneuver himself out of bed without just plummeting directly onto the floor. Despite the fact that the sheet and comforter were wrapped around Jo, providing a snug layer of down-filled protection between their two bodies, Mac was certain he could feel every curve and depression of her body, pressed as closely into his backside as possible.

He moved his arm ever so slightly, reaching out to grip the edge of the nightstand to gain some balance before heaving himself out of bed. But her hand slithered out from nowhere, casting away the covers and wrapping around his midsection like a snake, gripping him so firmly he could barely breath.

She wasn't fully awake, but when she spoke a moment later, her voice had taken on a much more conscious tone than her mumbled reprimand earlier about stealing covers. Now it was reminiscent of the voice in which she'd spoken to Cade on the phone. She pressed her mouth onto the back of his neck and murmured in perhaps the sexiest, sleep tinged voice he had ever heard. "Mmm, noooo… Don't get uuup... I'm not done with you yet…"

Mac's face erupted into a bright shade of crimson but much to his relief, she loosened her grip on his body a second later. His relief was short-lived when he realized her grip had loosened to allow her hand to begin trailing its way languidly down his torso. When it reached the exposed skin between the hiked up edge of his sweater and the waistband of his jeans, he inhaled sharply and all hell broke loose.

"Jo!" At the touch of her fingers on his bare skin, Mac spoke her name loudly, his tone commanding, before jerking his entire body away from her so forcefully and so abruptly that he would've tumbled from the bed had his hand not been gripping the nightstand. As it was, the force of his movement shook the small table so hard that the lamp on top quaked precariously, finally toppling onto the floor with a resounding smash as the bulb disintegrated upon impact. The clock followed suit, careening off onto the floor, its cord sweeping across the surface of the nightstand and knocking over the two cups of tea Mac had left there earlier. The pool of tea expanded to coat everything in sight, including Mac's cell phone, which at that precise moment, began ringing insistently as it slid off the nightstand, dangling from the charger cord.

In one clumsy movement, Mac lurched from the bed and stood, Jo's fingernails clawing into the tender skin of his side deeply enough to draw blood as she instinctively grasped on more tightly to prevent his escape. Wincing, he grabbed at his side with one hand and at the swinging cell phone with the other, intent on silencing it before Ellie awoke and came hobbling in to see what disaster was unfolding now. Noticing Christine's image flashing on the screen, he groaned, pressing the 'accept' button before realizing he couldn't disconnect the phone from the charger cord. He could hear Christine calling his name over the line. Glancing quickly at Jo, who didn't seem to be at all cognizant yet of what was happening, he leaned down precariously so that his mouth and ear could reach the phone tethered to the wall.

"Christine?" Yanking at the cord, he fumbled the phone, nearly dropping it.

"_Mac?" _Her voice sounded garbled. _Likely the tea._ He thought morosely.

"Hang on. My phone's…stuck. Just a moment…"

He rose up and with a violent tug, finally managed to disconnect the phone from the cord. Shaking drops of tea off of it, he glanced again at Jo, who now was sitting up in bed, a look of abject fear spreading across her features as she glanced around her, trying to recreate what she feared she might be the cause of. Hesitantly looking up and meeting his gaze, she opened her mouth to speak, but was effectively silenced by Mac's stern glare.

"Christine, hang on. There are too many people here." He stared pointedly at Jo. And he stormed around the corner to the bathroom, where he slammed the door.

Jo sat, frozen, in Mac's bed. She remembered spilling her water, Mac loaning her his t-shirt, the two of them talking on his bed. Then Mac went to make tea… she must have fallen asleep, but her recollection faded there. She tried to analyze the evidence around her. She was certainly in Mac's bed. On top of the covers. But they were folded back over her, so technically she was also under them. She glanced down at herself – still fully clothed, albeit rather scantily for sharing a bed with her boss. And she'd been dreaming about… _Oh. Good._ _Lord._ Her hand rose to her mouth, but stopped abruptly a few inches in front of her face as she noticed what she was certain must have been blood on her nails.

Shaking her head, panic rising, she quickly rose from the bed, approaching the bathroom door. She could hear Mac, still on the phone, saying something about lunch… She backed away and retreated to her room, pulling the door shut and locking it behind her before she headed to the bathroom to shower and rethink her future at the Crime Lab.

-\-\-\-\-

Mac was just about to head out to get something to eat when he heard a tentative knock on the door adjoining their rooms. He hesitated, thinking he could pretend to be out. But on the off chance it was Ellie, he reached out to unlock it. Jo inched her way in, avoiding his gaze.

He eyed her, sensing the onset of a long conversation, and moved to cut her off. "I'm going to go out and grab something to eat – let you and Ellie have some time together. We can meet up back here in an hour so we can get on the road."

She looked at him, miffed. "Mac, I have no car and there's no restaurant here…"

Mac closed his eyes a moment. He hadn't thought this through at all. "Right. Well, why don't you two come on then…" And he turned to the door.

"Mac…"

He paused and turned to her.

"Ellie's going to stay and sleep a bit longer. She'll be ready to go in an hour…" She shrugged slightly. "Teenagers…"

Mac merely nodded and continued in the direction of the door.

-\-\-\-\-

Both Mac and Jo spent the ten minute drive to the diner in complete silence. Jo had just worked up the nerve to say something when Mac parked and immediately exited the car. Jo followed, jogging to keep up with him.

The waitress seated them immediately and once settled, Jo looked hesitantly at Mac.

"Mac? What exactly happened this morning?"

He frowned, avoiding her gaze. He knew he couldn't say 'nothing'. Instead, he thought about how to make this as brief and clinical as possible. "You fell asleep while I was making tea. I tried to sleep in the chair but my back was bothering me. I got into bed. Later on, you…must have been dreaming and..." He paused, uncertain how to continue.

"Did I…say anything?"

He shifted uncomfortably and considered just saying no, leaving it at that. But in the end, he decided he should just be honest. "Umm. You might have mumbled something about Russ stealing covers and…not being 'done' with me yet."

They looked at each other a moment, Mac watching as Jo's face clouded from incredulity, to fear to embarrassment. Until a moment later, she suddenly broke out into peals of laughter. Mac, eyeing her rather oddly, couldn't help but smile a moment later, albeit at a somewhat more controlled level, and they had to struggle to contain themselves as the attention of the entire diner began to focus their way.

"Oh, my Lord Mac I'm…well, no. I was going to apologize, but I guess there was no harm done really."

"No harm?" Mac frowned. "You nearly raked open my side with your nails when I tried to get up…"

She covered her mouth and the smile fell from her face. "Oh! I'm so sorry Mac… Are you ok?"

"I've been hurt worse…"

She quirked her eyebrows, but before she said anything, he blurted out, "Not in bed…"

Jo barely managed to choke back a snort of laughter. "Oh my… What a story…"

He raised his brow at her. "What a 'story' that we'll be keeping to ourselves from here on out…"

She reached out and playfully pushed him. "Oh, you. Afraid people'll start to gossip?"

"Yes, actually, I am somewhat concerned."

"And what, you're embarrassed that people would gossip about the two of _us_? Come on, I'd be honored."

Mac sighed. "I didn't mean it that way. I just meant… Come on Jo, we work together. It would be inappropriate to have rumors floating around the Lab about us...in that way."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, there are always rumors. If people are going start one up about me, I would at least hope they cast me in a positive light. I'd be quite flattered to be part of a rumor with you. I mean, as opposed to 'Oh, did you hear… Jo and some ogre from Accounting are having a fling…'"

Mac chuckled and the waitress approached to take their order. Mac ordered oatmeal. Jo ordered the combination special which came with so many options requiring her to make a choice, Mac found his attention drifting as he waited for her to finish. Finally the waitress flipped her notebook closed and walked off.

Mac gazed at her a moment as she daintily arranged the thin paper napkin in her lap. He could barely repress a smile as he asked, "Hungry?"

She looked up, frowning. "What? I hardly ate yesterday… Gotta make up for lost calories…"

"You had half a pizza for dinner."

She frowned. "Mmm. Yeah, I guess I did, huh?" She shrugged. "Well, I'm still starving. What can I say?"

The waitress arrived with their coffee and Jo's gaze turned serious. Mac suddenly wished he'd brought along the newspaper. He considered popping up to buy another, but it was too late.

"So Mac. Are you ever going to tell me what was going on with you when you came back to work after the shooting?"

Mac shifted uncomfortably. He knew that this was his doing. He'd wanted to open up the lines of communication again. He had no right to brush off her inquiry. He pursed his lip a moment then looked at her.

"When I came back to work, I started realizing I couldn't remember certain words. Basic concepts. Like colors, places, foods. I knew what they were in my mind. But couldn't summon up the words themselves. I'd noticed it to a certain extent when I was still at home, recovering. But it became very obvious back on the job."

He glanced up at her, but could read nothing in her expression. He cleared his throat. "I assume you noticed the same…"

She nodded almost imperceptibly but said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

He looked down, toying with the coffee spoon. "I didn't tell anyone. Assuming it would just go away. But when it didn't. And when you confronted me in my office that morning…"

"I asked you a question. I didn't confront you."

Mac bit his tongue before continuing. "When you 'asked' me about it, I felt threatened. At the thought that you could see right through me, so easily. When no one else had. Or at least, when no one else had the guts to point it out." His gaze rose to meet hers. "It felt like a confrontation to me and I got defensive. And then, when you brought Christine into it, I couldn't help but feel you'd gone too far."

"Mac, I was worried about you. And when she found out, she was too. I could see it, even though she didn't say anything to me at the time. How come you didn't at least tell her, Mac? I always wondered that… She would have done anything in her power to help you. We all would have."

Mac looked at her. His gaze turning to steel. But Jo continued staring back at him, her expression unchanged. He wanted desperately to tell her that what he chose to tell Christine was absolutely none of her business. And he was quite confident that it wasn't. He'd answered her question about his aphasia truthfully. What he did in his personal relationship with Christine was between the two of them. There was no reason to include Jo. But he felt he was treading on thin ice – he didn't dare tell her to keep out of his personal business again, when the wound was still raw. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Jo, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even admit it to myself at first. It took me weeks to even seek out a doctor's advice. But I'm over it now…"

She eyed him a moment. She hadn't really expected him to answer her inquiry about Christine, but had been curious to see how he would deal with it. She smiled softly. "You're too proud and stubborn for your own good, Mac Taylor."

"Yes, and thank you for your incredible insight, Jo Danville. I have been told that on occasion before."

She smirked slightly at him, shaking her head. "Christine must be a patient soul to put up with you…"

Mac glared at her, breaking their gaze only to reach out and take a sip of coffee.

After replacing the mug back on the table, he leaned back in his chair and eyed her. "Ok, I answered your question. Now it's your turn to answer mine. If you're up for it."

"I didn't realize we were playing truth or dare…"

"We're not. But I am curious, and concerned, as to why you got drunk the other night."

She laughed, but it was tinged with bitterness, not humor. "I was lonely. And distraught over the shooting. And plagued with self-doubt." She sighed dramatically. But a moment later, she smiled to herself. "Pretty much every reason one shouldn't be drinking."

"Jo you could have called me."

"Mac we already had this conversation. And I already told you… I debated it. Dialed your number. But even in my state of inebriated soul-searching - I still came to same conclusion - that I'd be disturbing you."

"Will you tell me what's bothering you now? About the shooting, I mean. I read the report – everything was by the books. You were cleared immediately. So what is it?"

She frowned. "Mac – I'd like nothing more than to talk to you about the shooting. But…" She paused, looking slowly around them before continuing. "…don't think I'm trying to avoid your question. It's just…now's not the time or place to talk about it. I know you're all about sharing and opening up this weekend. But not in the middle of breakfast, in the middle of a diner, in the middle of nowhere, when Ellie's waiting for me back at the motel and we need to get on the road soon." She averted her gaze. "It's still a little…raw. If that's the right word." She looked at him sincerely. "But I promise we'll talk about it another time."

He stared at her. "Only if you promise me you'll call me if you get it into your mind to do something stupid like that again…"

"The shooting or the drinking?"

He shot her an annoyed look. She smiled back. "Drinking I take it." She nodded. "Deal."

The waitress appeared with a tray, and Mac murmured his thanks as she set down his bowl of oatmeal. He reached out, his hand poised over his spoon, hesitating a moment as he politely waited for Jo to be served before starting to eat. But after a good minute, his outstretched arm become fatigued hanging in midair, and he returned it to his lap. Barely stifling a laugh as he watched the waitress set down no less then four different plates of food in front of her. Jo glared back at him over the waitress' arm.

As soon as she left their table, Mac couldn't help but chuckle aloud. "I hope you're planning on taking some of that back for Ellie…"

She narrowed her eyes. "You'd better pipe down over there. It's not polite to comment on how much a lady eats. Be happy I'm not embarrassing you by trying to order a salad and whining about how unhealthy diner food is."

"If you ordered a salad, I'd probably pack you up in the car and take you directly to the ER…"

She cast him an icy glare. "You keep up like that and I'm gonna seriously consider rentin' my own car to drive back."

Mac chuckled. "Funny, because I slept so poorly last night with you monopolizing the bed, I was considering asking you to drive home today."

"I'd be happy to drive us back. Probably get us there a lot quicker than if you drive…"

Mac eyed her. "As long as you promise to stay at the speed limit and don't go ordering any mimosa's before breakfast's done, I'll think about it…"

"Stop insulting me and eat your oatmeal, Taylor…"

Her voice sounded harsh and he glanced up at her. She'd just put a huge forkful of pancakes in her mouth, but she winked at him slyly and he smiled in return.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Jo looked at him curiously.

"I'll bet Christine makes you somethin' nicer than oatmeal for breakfast, huh? You've probably gotten used to some nice meals having her around. Maybe I should have found myself a chef…"

"Come on Jo, you of all people should know, it's not like I eat at home regularly. She's obviously a great cook, but I don't often get to enjoy it…" Mac stopped suddenly, toying with his food as if he'd remembered something uncomfortable… He shifted in his seat and looked up suddenly, casting a shy look her way. "Which reminds me… Christine wanted to invite you over for dinner next weekend. At her place."

Jo stared at him and Mac felt himself begin growing uncomfortable under her gaze. He was wondering what he'd done to bring about such scrutiny, when she laughed lightly. "_She_ wanted to, but not _you_ I take it…"

"Jo… That's not what I said…"

"Actually, it is…" She interrupted brusquely, but there was a smile still tugging at the corners of her lips.

Mac sighed loudly, nodding. "All right. We'd _both_ like you to come. Either Saturday or Sunday night. Say around 7? Neither of us is on schedule. Unless maybe you have other plans…"

Jo looked at him a moment. She got the sense he wouldn't be disappointed if it turned out she did have other plans. He seemed uncomfortable asking her to dinner, beyond his usual reticence when it came to personal interactions. She expected it had been Christine that put him up to the dinner invitation. She thought a moment.

"Well… _Agent Conover_ is expecting to be in New York at the end of the week. We were just talking about maybe trying to meet up for a quick dinner if he ended up with any free time in his schedule…"

"Oh. I see." He paused awkwardly. Thinking frantically about what Christine would say if she were inviting Jo right now. "Well, how long is he here? He's welcome to come too…"

Jo's eyebrow quirked slightly at that suggestion. A double date between her and Cade and Mac and Christine didn't strike her as something she wanted to engage in quite yet. Her mind trailed back to Ellie's comments about Mac in the hotel room. Her observation that he was a nice guy, despite her having seen very little of him over time. She suddenly regretted the fact that they never really socialized together, even before the chasm between them grew. For all her talk about him making a good father, she'd rarely observed him interact with her own kids directly.

She furrowed her brow a moment. "How 'bought we say Sunday night and I bring Ellie along? She's never met Christine. And you and El seem to be hitting it off…"

Mac frowned. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, I don't know… You must've had some heart to heart in the car while I was checking us in. She seemed quite impressed with you. Said you're 'nice' and you 'make sense' when you talk. I'm pretty sure that's the highest of compliments an adult is going to get from a fifteen year old girl.

Mac scoffed. "I'm not sure what I said that was so impressive. She thought you were angry with her when we had to stop overnight. I explained that you weren't. That you were probably angry with me instead."

Jo just stared at him, nodding a moment, sensing that wasn't the whole story.

"And I might have added that you were perhaps feeling guilty about not being able to drive up yourself to get her."

"You didn't mention to her why I wasn't feeling well, did you?"

"Of course not."

Jo nodded. "I probably should have told her the truth. I set a fine example of what _not_ to do, huh? A whole teaching moment wasted there…"

"I'm not certain you needed to tell her unless she suspected something…"

Jo nodded, but seemed lost in thought.

He realized they never finalized dinner plans. "So… Shall I tell Christine you and Ellie will be there Sunday?"

Jo glanced up abruptly. "You're not joining us?"

"Yes, of course I am."

She shrugged. "You just made it sound like you wouldn't be."

"Don't worry. Of course I'll be there."

The waitress brought the bill and Jo snatched it up, eying Mac as she did so. "You drove me up here. The least I can do is buy you breakfast …"

-/-/-/-/-

Back at motel, they parted just outside the rooms, Mac heading to his door, Jo pausing outside hers. Mac opened his and hesitated, noticing Jo still standing outside her room, rummaging through her purse, then patting down first the pockets of her coat, then her jeans. Mac stood watching her expectantly. When she finally glanced over at him, he nodded knowingly before she even spoke.

"You forgot your keycard."

She nodded sheepishly. "Well, I left through your door. I guess I wasn't thinking I'd need it…"

He opened his door and motioned her over with a nod of his head.

Once inside, Mac turned to close the door but Jo halted rather suddenly and when he turned back around, he nearly crashed into her.

"Mac. Before we all get in the car together and take off, and I forget… I just wanted to thank you for doing this. For me. For Ellie. I never would have been able to make the drive up yesterday. I'm sorry I put myself, or us rather, in that situation. It was childish of me." Her gaze suddenly fell on his cheek.

"And… I never apologized for hitting you yesterday." She trailed off.

He shook his head. "No, you didn't."

Mac was waiting for her to say something more when she unexpectedly reached out her hand and gently placed her fingertips on his cheek, just below where she'd hit him. He flinched slightly, but stood his ground.

"I'm really sorry Mac." Her hand remained pressed against his face. The air outside had been cold and her hand, freshly out of her glove, provided a welcome surge of warmth to the chilled skin of his face. She moved her fingers every so slightly against his cheek. He must have bought a razor last night because his skin was smooth and she could detect the lingering scent of aftershave. Not the one he usually wore. This one was different. He must have bought that too. She realized his face looked slightly different as well. The cold? Or maybe the bruise? Or perhaps the mere fact that they'd been away from the Lab for two days now? He seemed more at ease somehow…

Jo jumped suddenly at the sound of Ellie's metal crutch clanging against the door frame between their rooms. She spun on her toes and turned to see Ellie standing there, staring at the two of them.

"Ellie! Hey! You're up! And ready to go… How's the knee?" She took two steps away from Mac and he, in turn, moved past her as he realized he'd neglected to unplug his phone charger when he'd cleaned up the nightstand mess earlier.

Ellie shrugged. "Still hurts. I just took some pain medication… "

"Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah, I guess. I woke up a couple times." She looked pointedly at her mother. "Did you sleep with Mac last night?"

Jo gasped and swallowed wrong, choking, causing her to burst into a fit of coughing. "Ellie Danville!" She sputtered out between coughs. Mac continued to busy himself with the phone charger.

Ellie frowned. "Moo-oom… I just meant in his room. I woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone. At first I thought you were in the bathroom, but then…you weren't. I was just wondering where you went that's all. I didn't think…" Ellie wrinkled up her face. "That's _so_ not what I was asking. At all. Believe me… Eeewww…"

The look on Ellie's face at that moment was one of pure disgust and Mac, looking on from where he stood near the bed, couldn't decide whether to laugh or be offended. Jo simply looked embarrassed. They all stared at each other uncomfortably for a moment before Jo coughed again and cleared her throat.

"I spilled a glass of water in my bed, Mac and I were talking in here and I…fell asleep."

Ellie eyed her a moment before nodding slowly. "Well, ok. I'm pretty much ready to go… Everything's in a pile on the bed."

"Oh, Ellie, you didn't need to do that. We could have gotten it..."

"It's fine mom. Did you bring me something to eat?"

Jo brightened up, happy with the change in topic. "Oh, did I. You missed a great breakfast. Lord, I haven't eaten that much in ages. I could curl up and take a nap right now." She shook the white paper sack in her hand. "Here. You can eat in the car if that's ok."

Ellie nodded. "Thanks. So… I take it you're not sick anymore? Must've been the twelve hour flu, huh? Or food poisoning from whatever you drank…"

Jo sighed slightly and looked sideways at Mac, who took the hint. "I'm…going to pack up my stuff…" And he slipped into the bathroom.

Jo cleared her throat. Honesty. Always. She was failing miserably. "Honey, it wasn't the flu. I wasn't feeling well yesterday because I had too much to drink the night before. Something happened at work that…upset me. And I dealt with it very poorly by coming home and having a bit too much to drink, instead of talking to someone about how I was feeling. Mac was nice enough to come over and check on me after I had to leave brunch early."

"So that's when you punched him?"

Jo blanched; Mac froze where he stood gathering items in the bathroom. Jo frowned. "You heard that?"

Ellie stared at her mother, dumbfounded. "I'm not deaf."

"No, I suppose not. Well, it was an accident… He came around the corner and startled me."

Ellie looked at her skeptically. "Anything else major happen while I was away?"

Jo smiled weakly. The shooting flitted through her mind but that was not a topic to be breached now. "No, I think that's about it…"

Ellie blew out a long breath, shaking her head. "You know, Mom. I swear, I cannot believe you. I'm gone for one day, and you get drunk, enough to make you sick, and then end up punching your boss in the face when he comes to see if you're ok?" She stared at her mother, a look of incredulity descending over her face. "Yet you think I'm too immature to stay on my own when you go away overnight for work? Puh-leease…" Ellie rolled her eyes so far back they nearly disappeared and she turned, huffing loudly, as she hobbled back into her room as quickly as her crutches would take her.

Jo moved hesitantly after her daughter. "Ellie, it wasn't like that…"

But Jo came to a sudden halt in the doorway as she heard Ellie close the bathroom door with a resounding thud.

Retreating back into Mac's room, she glanced over at him as he came from the bathroom, shaking her head. "So much for honesty – next time maybe I should just lie." She sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.

Mac walked slowly towards her and after a moment's thought, sat down next to her. "Well, I don't know about the lying part. In general, I think honesty is still the best policy. She was clearly suspicious. In the end, everything's just one big balancing act, right? And in the long run, most things usually even themselves out, despite the ups and downs along the way…"

Jo frowned, then her face brightened. "Aha! Dr. Suess! I used to read that to the kids all the time…"

Mac looked at her curiously.

Jo rolled her eyes and smiled. " 'So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed!' I love that book…"

Mac smiled. "You forgot the rest… '98 and ¾ percent guaranteed'."

Jo looked at him curiously. "How do you know that book so well?

"I read it to Lucy last week."

She thought a moment, narrowing her eyes. "So are you implying that I'm part of the 1 and ¼ percent that's _not_ guaranteed to succeed in my attempts at parenting?"

Mac laughed. "No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I wasn't even thinking of that book until you mentioned it." He reached out hesitantly and placed his palm over Jo's hand in her lap. "Jo, you're doing fine as a mom. You always do. I expect you always have. And always will."

She stared down at his hand on hers. "How about us, Mac? How are we doing?"

"I think we're doing just fine too. It's the stepping 'with care and great tact' I think we might need to work on… But overall, I think we did pretty well the last couple days."

"Getting' closer to checkin' me off that list, huh?"

"Closer." Mac smiled at her.

Jo reached out and patted his knee.

He stood. "We should get going." And he pulled his keys from his pocket.

Jo rose and waggled her brow at him. "So, do I get to drive?"

He hesitated. "Jo…I don't…"

"Remember… Tact. Care."

He frowned and took a deep breath, speaking slowly and methodically. "Jo. I'd appreciate it if you could please be careful while driving my car and be sure to stay within the speed limit…"

"Ehh. Not bad…" She flashed him a huge smile. "Hand 'em over."

He dropped them into her outstretched hand, shaking his head. "I hope I don't regret this…"

"Ah ah ah… Tact…"

Mac rolled his eyes. "I'm praying that I just fall asleep before we even get on the highway..."

Jo laughed and winked at him before they headed next door together to help Ellie.

**A/N: Well, so much for posting this "early in the week". Don't suppose I could make an argument that Thursday is early… Best not to promise for the next chapter – I'll just say sometime next week…**

**Some of you are leaving little hints in reviews as to what you'd like to see. Since I don't have the details of the story worked out entirely, I'm trying to incorporate some of your thoughts... But only to the extent they fit into my greater vision of the story ;) So, sorry if I didn't go quite where you may have wanted… But let's face it, Mac's an honorable kind of guy…**

*** "So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! 98 and ¾ percent guaranteed" Dr. Seuss, **_**Oh, The Places You'll Go**_


	7. Chapter 7

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_Mac rolled his eyes. "I'm praying that I just fall asleep before we even get on the highway..." _

_Jo laughed and winked at him before they headed next door together to help Ellie._

**Chapter 7: The first step is always the hardest**

Jo sighed and glanced over at Mac seated in the passenger seat. "Mac. If you're trying to fall asleep, it helps to stay still… Just a suggestion."

Mac frowned. "I've never been very good at falling asleep while traveling…" He looked at his watch. They'd been in the car twenty minutes and he couldn't for the life of him find a comfortable position and doze off, despite being dog-tired after the previous night.

Ellie spoke up from the back seat. "Detective Tay…" She paused abruptly and shook her head. "I mean Mac… Do you want to borrow my iPod and listen to some music? That always helps me sleep. There are some old songs on it you might like."

"Ellie!" Jo admonished, turning back and glaring at her daughter, only to receive a disapproving look from Mac until she turned her full attention back to the road.

Ellie glared back at her mother in turn. "I meant like jazz and stuff, instead of alternative or rock. Geez, mom. Relax." She turned her gaze back to Mac. "You like jazz right? Mom said you play…"

Mac smiled. "Yes, Ellie I do. And as surprising as it may seem, I actually like some rock, too. You sure you don't want to listen yourself?"

"Nah, I can listen on my laptop if I want. I have other earphones…"

Mac reached back to take the proffered device. "Thanks, Ellie." He caught her gaze and smiled. "So, how do you happen to have 'old' music on your iPod?"

"Mom took it with her to DC once and had me put a bunch of old songs she likes on it. Some of them…," she paused to look pointedly at her mother, who smirked back, "…surprisingly enough, weren't so bad, so I kept a few." She smiled back at Mac. "You might find something you like…"

Ten minutes later, both Mac and Ellie were sound asleep, lulled from reality by their own private soundtracks. Jo smiled slightly and glanced at the road sign. One hundred more miles to New York City.

As Jo drove, her mind wandered and she thought back over the events of the past weekend. She knew how hard it must have been for Mac to reach out to her in the first place to talk about their friendship. How difficult it must have been to deal with her grouchy, hungover self the day before, although she couldn't resist a small snicker at that thought. And finally, she could only guess at how uncomfortable Mac likely felt being stuck overnight with her and Ellie.

Yet, in the end, things seemed to have turned out quite well. There may have been some rocky moments here and there, especially in the beginning. But then, that was a part of life. He'd gotten along surprisingly well with Ellie. And even though they hadn't had a lot of time to sit and talk together about their own issues, Jo felt they'd made an immense amount of progress in moving closer to the level of friendship she'd feared earlier they might have lost for good. They'd each managed to take those tentative first steps towards resolving their issues, and now things seemed to be falling back into place rather smoothly.

She smiled as she cast a quick glance over at his sleeping form. But her smile was quickly replaced by a frown as she suddenly felt rather guilty, knowing it was because of her that he'd gotten virtually no rest last night. _Last night._ She sighed, shifting uncomfortably in her seat as she thought a bit more about exactly what had transpired last night.

Jo had been caught off guard by their unexpected awkwardness around each other after she had spilled water all over herself. Curse her clumsiness… It was not often that she felt awkward around someone she was as close to as she was with Mac. She joked and kidded with him all the time at work. But for some reason, without the backdrop of the Lab and their defined professional roles, and certainly without the cover of their normal clothing, she'd suddenly felt very exposed last night in his room. And not only in the literal sense, but the figurative as well. And good Lord, how obvious could she have been, ogling his bare torso, when he'd only been trying to be a gentleman and literally hand her the t-shirt off his back. But then, he wasn't exactly innocent in all this either. He'd clearly been transfixed by her own figure, barely concealed under her wet tank top and Ellie's ill-fitting soccer shorts.

She let her mind ponder this seemingly sudden burst of mutual attraction. Not that she hadn't found Mac attractive, or admittedly, even sexy, before last night. That had pretty much been a given from day one. And she'd not hesitated in letting him know that very fact, through her playful teasing and joking around. But allowing herself to overtly react and respond to those feelings, as something real, not just the topic of her silly banter… That was something new. She was well aware of the fact that they were colleagues, who had to work closely together, who had to trust each other implicitly. She would never dare to let her more intimate feelings expose themselves, without the cover of a well-timed joke or barely acceptable innuendo, where they might potentially jeopardize her working relationships… She knew she was a talented flirt, but she did her best to keep it, well…flirty.

She wondered for a moment how Mac really felt about her. Whether or not he found her attractive, or - dare she think it - even sexy. He'd never said or done anything to her that could possibly be construed as having sexual undertones. Well, until that fleeting, yet unabashed stare of his last night. But then she wouldn't expect anything of the sort to come from him. He was way too reserved. Way to controlled. His fatigue last night must have gotten the better of him. She wondered idly whether he ever just let himself go around Christine. Good heavens, she certainly hoped so, or the man was likely to explode one day…

She glanced over at him again. He looked so calm and peaceful in his sleep. Seeing him dozing, she couldn't help her thoughts as they conjured back images from the dream she'd had earlier that morning. That apparently she'd begun to act out in real life. On poor, unsuspecting Mac, who was just trying to get some sleep at her side. She groaned inwardly, annoyed at her self for having lost control like that. But then, she'd been asleep. She couldn't help it. She thought back to their conversation at breakfast, realizing that he seemed to be under the impression she'd been thinking about Russ throughout that whole escapade. Thank heavens. She decided it might be best to just leave that misconception be.

She reached out and flipped on the radio, scrolling through the channels and searching for something to keep her company during the drive. An advertisement for - diamond wedding rings? Jo rolled her eyes. Her finger pressed the button to the next channel. Talk show – someone ranting on about…the hidden benefits of snail slime? Jo grimaced. Next channel. Newscast – she groaned. Was there no music at all on this forlorn stretch of highway? She was about to advance to the next channel when her finger froze. She was certain she'd just heard her name. On the radio. She fumbled with the controls, trying to turn the volume up slightly. But it was nearly over. The newscaster finished a sentence with 'NYPD'. Then mentioned Timothy Brown, the innocent victim in the chain of events on Friday. That his memorial service was scheduled for the next day. And then moved on to the afternoon forecast.

Jo's finger stabbed madly at the radio controls, trying to find the correct button to turn it off. Her brow furrowed. A slight shiver coursed through her spine. And her mind trailed back unbidden to two nights ago, to that alley, to the row of mailboxes in the wall. And to Keith Lewis, his back to her, rummaging frantically inside the opened box, ignoring her demands to show his hands. To her finger on the trigger. A hair's breadth from pulling it. Her finger closed more tightly. Only a moment away from the crack of the gun firing. She waited for the sound, for the recoil... Any second now… Her eyes were momentarily blinded by the flashing of the lights from the Avalanche behind her… The sudden flickering of the harsh florescent light affixed to the wall above Keith… Then, there was the distant sound of a siren, somewhere…

Jo swerved every so slightly, the realization that the flashing lights and the sound of the siren were actually right behind her, wrenching her attention back to the present. To the highway. To Mac's car. That she was driving. She realized her fingers were gripping the steering wheel as if it were a life preserver and she were afloat, alone, in the middle of the sea. Her heart was beating madly and a cold sweat had broken out on her forehead. She took a long, deep breath and glanced at the speedometer – only twelve miles over the limit… She let up on the gas slightly and frowned. Technically she'd been speeding, but surely not enough to warrant being pulled over. Yet the Highway Patrol car had fallen into place directly behind her and made no move to pass.

She let out a shaky breath, glancing over at Mac who was, thankfully, still sound asleep. She signaled, slowly pulling over and off the highway onto the shoulder, opening her window and keeping her hands visible on the wheel. She reveled in the feel of the chilled air blowing across her heated face and closed her eyes for just a moment, willing her breathing to return to a normal pace. She glanced back in the rear view mirror to see Ellie, just waking up, a slightly confused look on her face. Mac thankfully was still out. As the officer approached, she studied his reflection intently in the side mirror, sizing him up. As he stopped in front of the car window, she swallowed hard and a mask of calm serenity descended over her face. She looked up and, casting a quick glance at his nametag, smiled politely up at him. "Good morning, Officer Jenkins…"

-/-/-/-/-

Just under an hour later, Mac began to awaken. Stretching out his legs and glancing blearily outside, he realized he knew this particular stretch of the New Jersey turnpike quite well. Looking down at his watch, his brow furrowed, and he looked back out the window a moment before finally glancing over at Jo.

"How fast have you been going anyway?" His voice sounded rather harsh, and Jo hoped it was just from having been asleep, and not a reflection of his mood.

She tried a sweet smile. "We're almost there. Hardly any traffic. And I'm a very efficient driver."

But his expression was anything but sweet in return. "Define efficient."

She frowned. "Meaning I drive at a steady speed, taking advantage of any openings in traffic. If I get behind someone driving slowly, I pass them immediately rather than waiting around for them to come to their senses and figure out what the actual speed limit is."

Mac frowned. Jo glared. Ellie smirked as she spoke. "That's my mom's interpretation of the concept more commonly known as speeding."

Jo shushed Ellie with a pointed look, but spoke calmly to Mac. "You know, you think we're arriving early, but we're not even there yet. You're forgetting that occasionally there's traffic in the City. Estimated driving times are just that. Estimations. Who knows when we'll actually arrive… We could be stuck out here another hour, or fly through and be home in ten. There are a lot of factors…"

He glanced around him, realizing they were crossing the George Washington bridge and he cut her off.

"Where exactly are we going?"

Jo looked confused. "Ah… New York City? Home?"

Mac frowned. "Yes, thank you. I mean where exactly? You're heading to your place?"

"Well, yea, I figured we'd drive by my place, drop Ellie and I off, then you'd take your car to…wherever you're headed."

Mac sulked. "Oh."

Jo couldn't help but notice the grumpy look on his face. Her shoulders sagged slightly. "I take it I figured wrong heading to my apartment?"

"Well, I was assuming we'd just go to the Lab."

She scoffed. "The Lab? Mac… You're not on shift."

Mac took a deep breath. "I know, but your car's there. And I am on call – my kit is still at the Lab, as is the Avalanche…"

Jo frowned. "Oh, Lord, my car. I completely forgot. It's been there since Friday. Sorry."

He shrugged. "Just get on the Henry Hudson, hopefully we'll just breeze down…"

She glanced at him skeptically. "Since when have you ever known traffic to breeze down the Henry Hudson?"

"Well, I suppose you could put those 'efficient' driving skills to work…"

"You're telling me to speed?"

He smirked at her. "So Ellie was right - that is what you were trying not to say all along, huh?"

Ellie sniggered from the back seat. "You two sound like you're married, did you know that?"

Jo cast a wary look in Ellie's direction. "How on earth would you know what married people sound like?"

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know. People always use that expression when two people are bickering about unimportant things, don't they? 'You sound like an old married couple…'"

Jo frowned at Ellie in the rear-view mirror. "Well, thank-you for including the 'old' part…"

Ellie shrugged. "Well, it's just part of the expression… Which seems pretty accurate."

Jo scoffed slightly. "When Russ and I were married, I'm pretty sure our bickering didn't sound anywhere near as civil as this…"

Mac eyed her. "If he valued his life, Russ probably wouldn't have given you the keys to his car in the first place…"

"Mac Taylor… Pipe down over there. You were asleep the whole time. What could you possibly know about my driving?"

"I know that the only blemish on your otherwise exemplary record are those four little speeding tickets you've managed to accumulate over the years."

"Mac… Four tickets… Spread out over several years; I've been driving for quite a while - need I remind you how old we both are?"

He let out a quiet laugh of amusement. "I always had a sneaking suspicion you went into law enforcement just so you'd have an excuse to drive fast on occasion… Or a way to get out of it if you got caught."

"Like today, huh?" Ellie piped up again from the back-seat.

Mac's eyebrows rose significantly. He glanced back at Ellie then began staring over at Jo.

She frowned. "You're both distracting me from driving…"

Mac continued staring at her. "Did you get another speeding ticket while I was asleep?"

"No, I did not." She sounded decidedly miffed. "I might have gotten pulled over. I was going a few miles over – nothing dangerous. Other people were passing me like wildfire. But you know how it is - out in the middle of nowhere. The Highway Patrol has nothing much interesting to do so they tend to stop you for every minor infraction. He didn't even give me the ticket in the end."

"Flash your badge?"

"I don't even have it on me. Desk duty 'til tomorrow morning, remember…"

"Flash him one of your smiles?"

"Mac! Watch what you're implying…" She couldn't tell if he was joking or serious, as she didn't dare take her eyes off the road now in the City traffic. "No, I may have mentioned we were both with the NYPD, he said he'd seen a newscast about the standoff at the precinct last Friday. We got to talking and he was nice enough to let me off."

Ellie suddenly broke in. "Wait, how come you're on desk duty? Did you do something wrong?"

Jo groaned. "No Ellie, I didn't do anything wrong. Just – I was involved in a shooting. Standard procedure. Let's talk about it later, ok? We're almost at the Lab."

"You shot someone again? When? Are you ok?" Her voice was a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Is that why you got drunk?"

Jo let out a long sigh. "El. Please. We'll talk when we get home, ok?"

Ellie huffed, mumbling something about honesty, and jammed her earbuds back into her ears. Mac decided perhaps it'd be best if he followed suit.

Fifteen minutes later they pulled into the garage at the Lab. Jo pulled into a space next to her own car, turned off the ignition and handed the keys over to Mac with a smile. "See? Safe and sound… And it's only 10:45. Plenty of time to meet Christine for lunch before you're on call…"

Mac sighed and busied himself undoing his seat belt and handing Ellie's iPod back to her. "She had to cancel. Her assistant called in sick. She had to go in early and prep for brunch instead."

Jo looked at Mac. "Oh, that's too bad. So go surprise her at the restaurant."

Mac shrugged. "With my luck, the instant I walk in the door, I'll get a call out. It's probably best not to." He got out of the car and opened the trunk, pulling out Ellie's bags and setting them down near Jo's car.

Ellie managed to extract her self from the backseat and turned to her mother. "Mom, could we go up to the Lab so I can use the bathroom before we drive home?"

Jo nodded vaguely as she and Mac finished putting Ellie's bags into her car. She closed the trunk and they stood staring at each other a moment, until Mac spoke. "Shall we?"

Jo stared at him as he moved towards the elevators. "Mac, I'm serious. You're not going up to the Lab…"

"Well, I'm on call."

"Well, that doesn't mean you're chained to your desk, waiting for the next call out. You could just go on about your life, you know… Come on. Batman doesn't just hang out in the bat cave waiting to be launched in the Batmobile. Superman didn't camp out in front of phone booths all day and night. They had lives, if I recall… Social lives even…"

Mac's eyebrows quirked. "You're categorizing me with superheroes now?"

Jo rolled her eyes, a playful smile finally descending over her face. "Well, of course. You swooped in and saved me this weekend, didn't you?"

Mac thought a moment and turned to Jo, a silly smile on his face. "Well, maybe you're right – that did require certain superhuman qualities. Extreme patience topping off the list…"

She frowned and reached out to slap his arm, but he deftly maneuvered away. Ellie rolled her eyes at them, but couldn't help the small smile that broke out.

The elevator doors opened and as they filed inside, Jo glared playfully at Mac. "Go out and enjoy the day Mac. Go see Christine. Or come over and have lunch with us if you want. Join us for our movie marathon. We won't complain if you get called out and have to leave."

Mac frowned. "Your unbridled enthusiasm for my company is touching. But really, Jo, I've got paperwork to catch up with… I didn't accomplish anything on Friday… I didn't even set foot in my office when it was all over, fearing what I'd find after having been holed up in the Precinct the whole day."

The doors opened on the Lab and they exited, Ellie heading off in the direction of the restrooms.

"You need help?" Jo called after her.

Ellie groaned. "I'm fifteen, mom. Please."

Jo frowned and turned to Mac standing in the hall, staring at her in turn. He shifted slightly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable now that they were alone again. He looked at the floor a moment and cleared his throat before looking up again, his face serious.

"Are you going to be ok, Jo?"

Jo looked at him askance. "Why wouldn't I be ok?"

He looked at her a moment, uncertain how to proceed, but she stared right back at him. He glanced at the hallway where Ellie had headed, making sure she was gone, then looked back to Jo. "We talked about a lot of things this weekend, Jo. And I feel we made a lot of progress…"

"Still got your eye on checking me off your list by tomorrow morning?"

He frowned. "I don't have any 'list', Jo. I'm serious. We never talked about the shooting. In fact, that's the one thing I got the feeling you were trying to avoid. And that's not like you. That's what I do – but not you. And now Ellie's asking you about it. And if I remember right, you have your psychiatric evaluation tomorrow morning, right? Before they release you back to active duty… I just thought maybe you'd want to talk about what happened…in a more relaxing setting."

Jo opened her mouth to speak. But closed it suddenly. She looked at Mac. Thought back to Friday night. How she'd yearned to talk to someone about how she felt. Not just someone. Him, specifically. How she'd even hazarded that middle of the night phone call, only to hang up at the last minute. Fearing that their near-broken friendship wouldn't withstand the additional weight if she piled on her nagging self-doubt about the shooting. But now, here was that chance, that opportunity, to open up. To share that burden she was carrying. With Mac.

He reached out and placed his hand on her left arm. He almost expected to feel the soft warmth of her skin, just as he had last night. But it was just the cool, supple leather of her jacket instead. "Jo. Please don't push me away. Not after everything we went through this weekend. You wanted to talk, you told me yourself. And I'm here…ready to listen." He frowned. "The first step is always the hardest, right? And I'm pretty sure we already went through that and then some this weekend. It should be smooth sailing from here on out." He was trying to make her laugh, but it failed miserably. He sighed. "Just talk to me… Please?"

She could see the sincerity in Mac's face. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted her to talk to him. She opened her mouth again. But her attention was drawn to the hallway, where she could hear the sound of Ellie's crutches echoing from around the corner.

Jo's mouth closed and she shook her head at Mac, taking a slight step back so that he was arm fell from hers, back to his side. "No, I'm fine Mac. Really. I should get Ellie home anyway. But thanks…"

Mac frowned, about to say something further when Ellie rounded the corner at the far end of the hall. He sighed and took a step back himself. "Will Ellie go back to school tomorrow?"

Jo shook her head. "Teacher in-service days – no school 'til Wednesday."

He nodded. "Look, Jo… If you need a personal day tomorrow to stay home with her, or …whatever else, I understand."

Jo smiled softly, nodding in the direction of her daughter. "Well, I'm guessing my help's not going to be desired. But I do think it'd be safer if she had someone around. I'll figure it out. In any case, I have the psych interview first thing tomorrow – it might look rather bad if I didn't even show up." She chuckled, adding as an afterthought, "…but thanks."

Mac thought a moment. "Well, you could just go home after the interview if you want…"

"Nah. It's fine. I'll call Tyler – he just finished third quarter mid-terms and has a couple days off too. I'm sure he'd love to spend one of them hanging out with his sister."

"I thought he was in DC with Russ."

"They come back…" She furrowed her brow. "Hmm. Either tonight or tomorrow. I'll have to check. But don't worry. I'll be in Monday as soon as I finish up the psych eval."

They both stopped talking as Ellie approached, frowning. "Tyler's going to 'babysit' me tomorrow? You've got to be kidding, right?"

Jo cast a forlorn look at Mac and pressed the elevator call button, shaking her head. Mac gave her a resolute smile and turned to head towards his office. "Have a good afternoon." He called softly over his shoulder.

"Mac…" Jo called out, and he stopped, turning back to look at her inquisitively. She eyed him a moment, then smiled softly. "Thanks, Mac. For everything this weekend. I mean it."

Ellie smiled. "Yea, thanks Detective Taylor." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Mac, I mean. Thanks for driving up to get me…"

Mac smiled at them both. "It was my pleasure." Mac stared at Jo a moment, hesitating before adding, "Call me if…if you need anything. I mean it."

Jo stared him a moment, then nodded, a small smile spreading across her lips, that didn't quite reach into her eyes. He nodded softly then turned and walked to his office, smiling a humorless smile as he listened to Ellie complaining to her mom about Tyler and his 'complete inability to cook'.

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the great reviews… This chapter was perhaps a bit slow. But in the next one, things will take a turn for the… well, I won't spoil it. It is nearly written, though, so it'll be up before the end of the weekend. Happy Friday…**


	8. Chapter 8

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

"_Mac…" Jo called out, and he stopped, turning back to look at her inquisitively. She eyed him a moment, then smiled softly. "Thanks, Mac. For everything this weekend. I mean it."_

_Ellie smiled. "Yea, thanks Detective Taylor." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Mac, I mean. Thanks for driving up to get me…"_

_Mac smiled at them both. "It was my pleasure." Mac stared at Jo a moment, hesitating before adding, "Call me if…if you need anything. I mean it."_

_Jo stared him a moment, then nodded, a small smile spreading across her lips, that didn't quite reach into her eyes. He nodded softly then turned and walked to his office, smiling a humorless smile as he listened to Ellie complaining to her mom about Tyler and his 'complete inability to cook'._

**Chapter 8: Out of Step**

_The next day, Monday…_

Jo stood in her office debating her next move. She glanced at the clock on her desk, clearly visible now that she'd spent the last hour clearing off her desktop. It was just after eight in the evening. Her shift had ended a while ago, but she'd found herself unwilling to leave just yet. Instead, she'd been occupying herself with "busywork", trying to pass the time while waiting around for Mac to return with Lindsay from their latest crime scene. Despite having arrived at the Lab mid-morning following her psychiatric interview, she and Mac had failed to cross paths the entire day and she felt an overpowering compulsion to at least say hello to him before heading out.

Mac had been called out to no less than four crime scenes since his shift had started, flooding the Lab with evidence to be examined, analyzed, reported upon, and stored. But the night shift had taken over most of that work now. Jo herself had been called out to only two scenes the whole day, both of which had taken her to the far reaches of the city, and both of which had, in the end, not even required their presence. Shortly after she and Sheldon arrived at the first scene, a missing child out in Queens had magically turned up in the laundry closet, nestled on a pile of dirty clothes, where he'd apparently fallen asleep in the middle of an impromptu game of hide and seek with his older brother. Jo had enjoyed the ride with Sheldon, catching up on all the news about him and Camille. But she couldn't help but feel the entire journey had been without any practical purpose.

Upon returning to the Lab, Jo had just missed Mac again, before being called out with Adam. This time to the edge of Brooklyn, where upon their arrival an elderly lady, clearly on the edges of senility, had just confessed to having hit her husband over the head with a frying pan when he'd startled her by coming in the back door. It seemed he'd forgotten his keys when he'd slipped out the front to pick a bouquet of flowers to surprise her for her birthday… Jo shook her head at the seeming futility of her day up to that point…

She jerked out of her reverie as Lindsay blustered into their office, pulled out her desk chair and slumped down into it, failing in an attempt to stifle a yawn as she did so. "Oh my God, Jo. My back hurts like someone's been driving nails into it all day and I'm not even showing yet. Is that possible? What's going to happen in seven months when I'm huge and look like a manatee? I won't even be able to stand up straight or walk across the room. I'll look like a crotchety old eighty year old lady, hand permanently affixed to my lower back, massaging relentlessly, except that I won't be all bent over because my belly'll be too big to allow for it." She huffed miserably.

Jo tried to stifle a laugh at that image. "Well, at least you're off now, right? Go home and stretch out on the couch…"

Lindsay groaned. "If only. I'm on call tonight. Keep your fingers crossed nothing happens over the next eight hours. Because all miscreants need to sleep at some point, right? And let me tell you, now is the time for them to do that, because they don't wanna be the cause of me having to heave myself up outta bed at midnight and go out and process blood drops..."

Jo let out a chuckle, but her expression turned serious. "Oh but, Lindsay. You can't be on call after you just worked 12 hours… You need to sleep. I'll take your on-call shift."

"Jo, you just worked the same shift. You've gotta be tired too."

Jo waltzed around the desk, a look of motherly concern on her face, and she began giving Lindsay an impromptu shoulder rub. "First, I came in late because of the psych interview. Second, I'm not pregnant…" She paused mid-massage, covering her face with her hands suddenly. "Oh, thank the Lord – I'm not sure I could go through that again…" After a shiver coursed through her body, she resumed her ministrations to Lindsay's shoulders. "Third, I had the entire weekend off… And today was a complete waste so far. I'm just itchin' for somethin' worthwhile to do…"

Lindsay giggled, but thought a moment and looked back around at Jo behind her. "But Mac mentioned Ellie was injured at soccer over the weekend. Shouldn't you be home with her?"

Jo wondered randomly what all Mac had shared with Lindsay about their weekend. Knowing him, Ellie's injury was probably the sum total of what he'd shared, but she was slightly curious nonetheless. She herself hadn't even bothered to mention he'd driven her to Albany, let alone that they'd had to spend the night in a hotel, knowing how guarded he was about those things. After their discussion about office rumors, she just decided she'd leave him out of any mention of her weekend…

"Oh, Ellie actually spent the day at a friend's. Whose mom's a nurse and just happened to have the day off today. How convenient is that? Ellie's staying the night there too, since I wasn't certain when I'd get home…" Danny appeared in the doorway, snickering at the sight of Jo massaging Lindsay's shoulders and Jo eyed him playfully. "Shouldn't you be doin' this?" She winked at him and patted Lindsay's shoulders before returning to her own desk.

She smiled as Danny dutifully took over, placing a small kiss on Lindsay's head as he did so. Jo watched them a moment, then returned to ruminating over whether or not to discard a certain fuschia colored post-it note with a cryptic message she'd written days ago, the meaning of which seemed to escape her at the moment. "Lindsay, go home and sleep. You know you want to… I'm happy to take your on-call."

Lindsay stared at her a moment, a slow smile breaking out across her features, as she stared up at Danny. "Well… A quick story before Lucy falls asleep. A nice long bubble bath for me."

Danny broke in. "…or us?"

Lindsay grinned before continuing. "Some take out from that Italian place around the corner. It does sound rather tempting…"

Jo nodded. "Done. I'll clear it with Mac. Is he still in his office do you know?"

Don had appeared a moment earlier, stepping just inside the office and listening intently, not wanting to interrupt.

Danny nodded at Don, but shrugged in response to Jo's question. "Haven't seen the boss since we got back a little bit ago. He was in a mood. I'd steer clear of him for a bit…"

But Don chuckled and stepped further inside their office. "Last I saw Mac, he'd just finished up a shower in the locker room and was headed towards his office, mumbling something about a mountain of paperwork."

Jo smirked. "Oh boy, I can just picture that…"

Don's brow rose. "The mountain of paperwork, or Mac finishing up his shower?"

Danny burst out laughing and Don slapped him jovially on the back, but they both froze a moment later as Lindsay gasped and spun around in her desk chair, glaring at the both of them. "You two, I swear. Lucy's more mature than the two of you together."

Don shrugged, an innocent look on his face. "What? Jo had this kinda dreamy look on her face - it wasn't really clear what she was talkin' about…"

Jo merely rolled her eyes at the two of them, but couldn't help a curious look at Don. "Why on earth is Mac showering?"

"Ahaha, see, that whole shower image did pique your interest, Danville, I knew it." He chuckled, then his expression turned serious, and his voice lowered slightly, although Jo could easily detect the tremor at the corner of his lips. "Actually, Mac had a bit of a run in with a vat of bacon drippings at our last crime scene – greasy spoon in Hell's Kitchen. He smells kinda like stale breakfast right now. You might wanna give him a wide berth if you value your life - or your olfactory glands. I mean, unless you're inta that whole bacon scented fetish…kinda thing."

Jo narrowed her eyes at him a moment, a look of complete bafflement on her face, then slowly turned to Danny and Lindsay, determining that the silent treatment was the best remedy for Don Flack at that moment.

Jo nodded at the couple. "You guys go home. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll go tell Mac I'm on call instead." And she breezed from the office with a quick wave and a not so subtle glare at Don.

Arriving in front of Mac's door, she hesitated a moment, noticing the three mountainous piles of folders and papers stacked across his desk. But as she caught sight of him, barely even visible seated behind it all, she couldn't help the cocky smile that popped up on her face.

"Hey, so you are here somewhere behind these stacks of folders…" She froze and clasped her hand over her mouth when she realized he was actually talking on his cell phone. She backed away, intending to give him some privacy, but he motioned her back in as he spoke quietly into the phone.

"Sorry. It's just…" He paused and cast a quick glance at Jo, who pretended to be intent on resetting her watch. "It's just I'm still catching up from the weekend. I expect I'll be here a while, but I'll let you know." He listened intently for a moment, then smiled slightly. "Love you too." And he set the phone down, looking up expectantly at Jo.

She looked up and smiled hesitantly, trying to gauge his mood. "I just wanted to let you know I took Lindsay's on-call shift so she could get some rest…" He nodded solemnly, but she could barely restrain a small laugh as she realized how humorous he looked, peering at her from between file towers. She took in the state of his desk and shook her head. "You're desk's startin' to resemble mine. Better watch out. I must be contagious." He cocked his head oddly, noticing the glint in her eye before she continued. "But…take me out for a burger and I promise I'll come back and help you work your way through a pile or two."

"Well…" Mac hesitated as he slid his chair to the side, trying to emerge from behind the barrier of paperwork. But he didn't fail to see the flash of disappointment on Jo's face for just a split second before she tried to camouflage it by raising her eyebrows at him expectantly. He frowned. "…I actually just cancelled my plans with Christine so that I could finish all this..." And he motioned at the piles on his desk with a grand sweeping motion of his arms. "It might not be such a good idea if I turned around and went out with you instead…"

She smiled softly at Mac. "Think Christine might get jealous?"

Mac chuckled, but Jo could see the slight blush that rose up on his cheeks. "Jealous is not the word that comes to mind. I think 'annoyed', with me, might fit the bill a little better than 'jealous' of you." He looked up at Jo. "She respects you a great deal, you know that?"

Jo's smile fell and she snorted. "Even after our little weekend getaway?"

Mac looked at Jo curiously, uncertain as to what exactly she was referring to.

Jo shrugged her shoulders. "Didn't you tell her why you had to drive me up to get Ellie?"

Mac set his pen down and leaned back in his chair, his expression serious. "All I told her was that you'd been involved in a shooting the night before and weren't feeling very well after our brunch. I didn't think it was necessary to…go into detail.

Jo nodded. "Thanks." She mumbled.

Mac looked at her a moment. "You ok?"

"Of course? Why wouldn't I be?"

"I was at a scene with Lindsay earlier; she mentioned you'd bowed out early Friday night from a little celebration with the team." He paused. "To go spend time with Ellie." He looked at her pointedly. "Who, assuming I didn't just dream this whole past weekend, wasn't even in New York Friday night."

She looked at Mac, her expression completely neutral, until a hesitant smile broke out.

"Maybe I didn't feel much like celebrating Friday."

He stared at her. "And you felt you had to lie about it?"

She shrugged. "I knew everyone would make a big deal unless I had a concrete reason… I just wanted to go home Mac."

"And spend some quality time with that bottle of scotch?"

She couldn't quite tell if he was teasing or not. "Mac, I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what's worrying you."

Mac frowned. "I know you're not. That's not at all what was bothering me. What is, however, is the fact that you won't talk about the shooting."

"Mac. I'm fine. I spent all morning talking about it. I had the psych evaluation today, remember? Didn't you get the report? Passed with flying colors."

Mac eyed her skeptically. "If anyone could pull the wool over the eyes of one of the department psych evaluators, I'd put my money on you."

She stiffened. "Are you trying to say you don't think I'm ready to be back to work?"

Mac shook his head, and stood up, coming around his desk and picking up one of the folders from his desk. "No. That's not what I'm saying at all." He hesitated a moment before continuing in a softer voice. "Did you see the report?"

Jo shook her head, a wary look clouding her face. "No. The psychiatrist said I could return to active duty though… I've been on shift all day… Mac, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Mac frowned. "But he did recommend you complete a series of counseling sessions. Something about dealing with issues of 'remorse… You can read it if you want…" He handed the report to her.

Jo stared at Mac, not certain she'd actually heard him correctly. "What!?" Her hand shot out to grab the document from him and she skimmed it quickly. A minute later she thrust it back, disbelief etched across her taught features.

"You have got to be kidding me… Are you going to make me do it?"

Mac looked at her curiously.

She stabbed at the paper with her finger. "It says 'recommended'. Not 'required'. I'm asking if you're going to follow their recommendation and make me go through with the sessions…"

Mac frowned, glancing down at the paper. "Well, Jo… It's not entirely my decision. I expect you'll need to complete whatever recommendations he made to satisfy the Department…"

"But Mac, you're my Supervisor. Do _you _really think I need it?"

Mac opened his mouth, but closed it a moment later, looking at Jo and thinking very carefully before responding. "Jo, I really have no idea. I'm not a psychiatrist. But I do know, you've skirted around talking to me about the shooting on a few occasions now. So I'm starting to think maybe there's something there… It can't hurt, can it? At least go to a couple sessions and see what comes of it… Humor them. Humor me. Please don't make this into something it's not…"

She frowned and for a split second Mac thought she was about to start crying. But she sighed loudly and pulled up a chair in front of his desk. Mac sat back down in his own and looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

But instead, Jo glared at him, sat down heavily and grabbed at a pen, slamming the first file folder open and glaring at it. Mac frowned but, realizing her intentions were far from what he'd expected, he followed suit, reaching out for his own pen and flipping open the next folder to affix his signature to the report therein.

Just under an hour later, Mac glanced at Jo for perhaps the twentieth time. She'd plowed her way through almost an entire pile already, but hadn't spoken a word, nor looked at him as far as he was aware. Mac tried to think of something to say to lighten the atmosphere - he wasn't certain he could tolerate her help if she was going to act like this the rest of the evening.

He cleared his throat and Jo looked up at him warily. He tried to smile. "So you know, you're giving Christine quite the reputation."

Jo frowned. "Huh?"

Mac chuckled. "In the shower, Don noticed those scratch marks on my side. I tried to explain them away – tie them to some mishap in the gym, but even I'll admit, my attempts were pretty lame. I was never a good liar. And it's pretty obvious they're nail marks. He was convinced it was Christine."

"Oh, Lord…" Jo's hand rose slowly to cover her mouth. "Please don't tell me you told him about this weekend… He was acting so oddly towards me earlier…"

Mac laughed. "No of course not." He shrugged. "But I couldn't exactly set him straight either. So for now, he's pretty sure Christine has a hidden wild streak."

Jo blushed and shook her head. "Mac, I'm…so sorry about that. I hope word doesn't somehow get back to her. What'll she think?"

Mac laughed. "Jo, she already knows what really happened…"

Jo blanched. "You…told her?"

Mac shrugged. "Well, of course. The marks are pretty obvious. She'd have seen them anyway. I figured it best just to tell her."

Jo swallowed hard. "What…exactly did she say?"

Mac smiled. "She found it amusing."

Jo sighed loudly. "Oh Mac, I really am sorry. I was asleep, I had no idea what I was even doing…"

Mac's eyebrows quirked. "If you do that just in your sleep, I'm not sure I wanna even imagine what you'd do when you're awake…" Jo's eyes opened wide and her mouth gaped, but before she could manage to choke out a response, Mac looked up and rose suddenly, heading towards the door. Jo, thinking he was running away, stood and turned around abruptly to say something to him but was stopped mid-step when she almost ran straight into Christine who had apparently just entered the office.

Jo gasped and took a sudden step backwards, nearly falling back over her chair. "Christine! Oh! My. You…frightened me. I didn't realize you were right there…"

Christine looked at Jo oddly, an amused grin spreading across her face, and she turned to Mac for some insight. Mac simply smiled at her and shrugged, taking the bag she was holding out and breathing in the tempting aroma from within.

Christine let out a wary laugh, winking slightly at Mac, and turning back to Jo. "Hey, Jo. Sorry I scared you. I just thought I'd surprise Mac with dinner, since he's stuck here again. There's plenty of extra if you're hungry…"

Jo opened her mouth, but no words came out at first. "Uhh. Mmm. No. No! Good heavens, no." She laughed nervously. "You two should eat here, together, alone… I'll just take some paperwork and get back to my office." She turned around too quickly, bumping into the chair again before pulling it out slightly. "Here, sit down. You two have a nice dinner…amidst all the…towers of paper…"

Christine smiled at Mac again, not certain she'd ever seen Jo flustered, and shook her head, laughing slightly. "Jo, I'm not staying. I just came to drop dinner off. You're the ones working late. Sit and eat. Like I said, there's plenty to go around…"

Jo nodded, fiddling nervously with the pen she realized she was still holding in her hand. "Oh. Well… Ok. Thanks Christine. It smells delicious."

Christine nodded and moved to leave, pausing only upon hearing Jo clear her throat.

"Umm. Christine. Thanks for loaning Mac to me over the weekend." She gulped. Oh God, that sounded so inane… What the hell was she saying? She cleared her throat. "It was really a huge help to have him drive up with me."

Christine smiled. "Of course. I'm glad he could help. I was stuck working the entire time anyway. How's Ellie doing?"

Jo nodded. "She'll be fine. Crutches for a couple weeks, some physical therapy. But she'll be good as new eventually."

Christine reached out and patted her arm. "Good to hear. And you're better I can see." She hesitated a moment. "I guess… And you're still coming to dinner this Sunday, right? The two of you?"

Jo nodded adamantly. "Yes, absolutely! Wouldn't miss it! Ellie's looking forward to it. And me. I am, too. Of course…"

Christine nodded in time with Jo, both their heads bobbing up and down so frantically Mac was certain he was beginning to feel slightly seasick. "Well…great! Feel free to invite…a friend too, if you like – I always make extra food, so there's no worry we'll run out."

Jo's nodding froze, a look of fear invading her expression. "Oh. Uhmm. I'm sure it'll just be Ellie and I…the two of us…" she smiled uncertainly, a small strangled laugh emanating from her throat, "…unless I happen to pick up any stragglers on the way over to your place…" Jo frowned, feeling horridly awkward right now and wishing she could just go and hide behind the piles of paperwork on Mac's desk.

Christine raised her brow, but said nothing. She smiled at Mac. "Well, I'll leave you two to your…crime-fighting." She glanced again at Mac's desk. "Although it looks like you spend most of your time wrangling paperwork rather than criminals." She glanced at Jo. "'Bye Jo. I'll see you Sunday then." Jo smiled in response, deciding at this point she'd be best to just keep her mouth shut.

Mac moved to accompany Christine to the door and they paused, Christine leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his lips and whisper something in his ear that Jo made a point of not listening to.

Christine smiled at Mac as he moved to return to his desk. But just before exiting, she paused and turned around again to face them, her nose wrinkling in distaste. "You know Mac… You should have a talk with your cleaning service. Your office smells distinctly like bacon." And frowning, she turned and left, heading towards the elevators.

-/-/-/-/-

Another hour later, Mac and Jo were just exiting the elevators into the parking garage. The paperwork towers having been reduced to manageable stacks of filing and no calls having come in, they'd both decided to call it a night. Mac paused in front of his car and turned to Jo, about to say something when the shrill ring of her phone echoed through the garage. She smiled apologetically at Mac and held up a finger as she fished it out of her pocket and glanced at the screen, before looking back at him. "It's Ellie. Hang on just a sec…"

"Hey, El. You ok?"

She listened intently for over a minute before furrowing her brow and responding.

"Hon', I really don't think that's a good idea…" She paused again, listening, then shook her head.

"Ellie…my answer is no. Maybe we can revisit it again…" Her brow furrowed a moment as she was clearly interrupted, and she sighed. "Maybe in a couple weeks when you're off your crutches. We'll see when the time comes."

Mac's phone began buzzing and stepped away slightly as he looked down at it. His shoulders sagged. Crime scene. At the far edges of the Bronx. He glanced up at Jo, whose phone was also buzzing.

Jo frowned. "Ellie, I need to go. I'm getting a work call… We'll talk tomorrow. Promise… Love you."

She glanced down at her phone, then at Mac. "Off to the Bronx?" He nodded. She sighed, shaking her head. "Well, I guess that's to be expected. At least they didn't wait until I was all cuddled up and cozy under the covers …"

Mac laughed, his mind trailing to how she'd managed to monopolize every single blanket on the bed when they'd spend the night outside Albany. "Come on, I'll drive…"

She eyed him suspiciously. "You know, I'm finally realizing why you always offer to drive. It's not out of chivalry; it's out of some mis-directed grasp at self-preservation. You just don't trust me behind the wheel…"

Mac merely shook his head as he opened the passenger door of the Avalanche for her. "Get in. Consider yourself lucky. You get to relax while I do the driving…" And he shut her door and walked to the driver's side.

She smirked at him as he got in. "So what's the location, anyway? All I saw was the Bronx… Where are we off to at this lovely hour of the night?"

Mac showed her the message on his phone and she stared at it a moment.

"Oh." She said simply, her voice suddenly flat. Mac glanced over at her, having clearly detected something off in her voice, but she was leaning against the window, eyes closed apparently taking his mention of relaxing to hear. So he started up the Avalanche and headed out.

-/-/-/-/-

Mac glanced over at Jo, his eyebrows frowning for just a moment. Throughout the ride to the Bronx, she'd been strangely quiet, particularly for her. Once he realized she wasn't really trying to rest, he'd attempted to engage her in conversation, but his every effort fell flat. And once they'd arrived on scene, well over two hours ago now, she'd seemed oddly distracted during the briefing by the detective on duty. Once the body had been released, the extraneous personnel had gradually finished their assigned duties and filtered away, now leaving only the two CSIs and a pair of uniforms for added security. As soon as they had begun the slow, tedious work of processing the alleyway, she'd seemed…nervous to say the least.

He'd just finished his sector, but remained quiet, still squatted down several feet from her, watching her discretely. Something was definitely off about her. He watched as she examined what appeared to be a bullet fragment embedded in the brick wall of the abandoned building bordering the alley. He noticed as her attention kept straying to the rusty gate at the back of the alley, where it connected up with a seemingly infinite maze of smaller back alleys. She finally managed to focus on the task at hand and pluck the item from the mortar, grab an evidence bag from her kit and drop it in. Having finished marking the bag, she rose slowly, seemingly lost in thought, and walked the few steps to place the plastic evidence baggie into the box. She seemed to hesitate a moment, glancing up at the two uniforms joking at the mouth of the alley, then crossed her arms and paced back and forth for a minute, before returning to kneel back down in the corner, the final quadrant that still remained unprocessed.

Mac frowned and cleared his throat, trying to attract her attention.

"Jo, what's wrong?" The words cut through the silence.

She started at the sound of his voice, almost as if she'd forgotten he was there with her in the alleyway. Looking over, she threw him a forced smile, but it seemed to fall from her features almost before it had fully appeared. She nodded her head rather forcefully, as if trying to convince herself that all was indeed well with her.

"Nothing. I'm fine Mac. Almost done." And she turned her attention back to her corner, but only after casting another wayward glance at the back of the alley.

He sighed and stood, approaching her with his portable lamp. "Show me where you are and I'll help finish up so we can get out of here…"

"Wouldn't that be nice…," she muttered under her breath. She didn't meet his gaze, but merely nodded, indicating a particular section of the wall with her hand but saying nothing more. He decided to leave her be for now, and set himself to the task of searching for any other bullet fragments.

Ten minutes later, ten minutes of complete and utter silence between the two of them, and they were finally finished. Jo stood slowly and turned to face him, where he was still crouched on the ground. He noted a look of mild impatience spreading across her face.

"Aren't you done yet?" She asked him rather shortly.

"I beg your pardon?" He arched his eyebrows and gave her a rather piercing stare as he stood.

Aware her clipped tone was completely inappropriate, she averted her gaze, shifting her weight and rubbing her hand down her face in frustration. A moment later, she turned to glance at him again.

"I'm sorry Mac. I'm just tired." She gave him a half-smile. "Nothing a few hours of sleep won't cure. Let's just finish up and get going."

He stared at her a moment, quite certain that whatever was bothering her was more than just fatigue, but nonetheless, he leaned down to pick up his kit and motioned for her to follow him. "I expect the night shift can take over processing evidence. As far as I know, their last call out was pretty clear cut. Shouldn't be much left on it. Hopefully we can just drop everything off and go home."

Jo nodded and followed him to the truck. After securing the evidence in the back he opened the passenger door and held it open for her as she stepped up and arranged herself on the seat. Before closing her door, he paused, waiting for her to look his way but she kept her attention focused on anything but him. He finally reached out and placed his hand gently on her arm. "Jo."

She seemed to hesitate before slowly turning her attention to him. As if perhaps ignoring him would simply make him forget that he'd had something to say in the first place. But he continued as soon as her gaze met his.

"I wish you'd tell me what's bothering you. You're completely out of step with your normal self. Come on. I've worked with you for more than three years. This is more than just fatigue. What's on your mind?"

Jo seemed to ponder his statement a moment before nodding. "It's really nothing Mac. I had an argument with Ellie on the phone just before we got the call out. It's just been distracting me. I apologize. I shouldn't let it affect my focus on the job."

He frowned, still not entirely convinced she was telling him the whole truth. "You wanna talk about it?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, brushing her hand through the air as if swatting away a fly. "Aagh. Quite honestly, no. I just wanna forget about it, go home and go to bed." She smiled rather halfheartedly at him and he responded in kind. I'm sure in the morning it'll all just seem inconsequential anyway…"

"If you say so." He closed her door, and after removing his gun and holster from his belt, climbed in the driver's side and started up the Avalanche, pulling slowly away from the curb.

Fifteen minutes later, Jo glanced over at him. "Hey, Mac. Do you think we could possibly stop somewhere and get something to drink? I'm absolutely parched."

She noticed as he glanced at his watch and she regretted having mentioned anything. "Mac, if you have plans or something, it can wait. I just thought…"

He frowned at her. "It's not a problem, Jo. I was just trying to think what might be open now. I think there's a service station a couple miles up. Is that ok?"

She nodded. "That's perfect. Thanks."

Mac noticed as she rubbed her forehead slightly. "You feeling ok?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just a headache. Nothing a cold drink won't cure."

Mac pulled off the expressway, heading towards the service station a few blocks up when Jo's phone rang suddenly. Pulling it out and staring at it, she seemed to hesitate a moment before finally answering.

"Danville." Mac assumed it was not Ellie this time, given her professional tone.

But when she next spoke, Mac couldn't help but notice how her voice dropped lower, becoming softer, more feminine.

"Hey, Cade. Already? How'd that happen?" She listened a moment.

"Where are you?"

Mac pulled into the station lot and parked, glancing over at Jo intently until she looked over at him.

He raised his brow at her. "Want me to get you something?" He said softly, trying not to interrupt her call.

She shook her head and smiled. "Soda?" And she returned to the conversation.

Mac stepped out of the truck and walked towards the small store containing the cashier desk.

Jo was listening intently to Cade when her stomach began grumbling. She frowned, realizing she'd hardly eaten; Christine's offering earlier at the Lab hadn't agreed with her, and she'd barely picked at it. She realized she'd never had dinner. She glanced out the window, seeing Mac just about to enter the store and she flung open her door. "Mac!"

But he had just entered and didn't hear.

"Cade, can I call you back? Two minutes. We just finished up a scene…" And she hung up, stepping out of the truck and slamming the door at the same moment she realized she was still wearing her gun and holster. She groaned - the door was locked now. She'd just keep it on…

She walked the several feet to the doorway and pulled on the handle, starting slightly at the harsh sound of the door chime announcing her presence.

She entered, immediately noticing Mac standing in the center of the main aisle, clearly heading towards the cold cases at the back of the small store. She smiled, about to speak when she noticed he wasn't moving. Rather, he stood seemingly frozen. The only movement coming from his hands, which were raising ever so slowly. He glanced halfway back at her and spoke very slowly.

"Jo. He's got a gun…"

Her hand flew to her side, unstrapping her gun, flicking off the safety and training it in the direction Mac had been staring.

She saw vague movement from behind the display shelving to his left. "Police! Freeze!" She yelled, gripping the gun tighter.

Suddenly Mac launched himself back and sideways, to the right. "Jo, get down!" He shouted just before he crashed into a display in front of the register, sending a rainbow of small packages of gum, candy and energy shots flying every which way.

Jo, still unable to view the suspect, dropped down to one knee, gun still trained on the space Mac had been staring at, her finger nimble and hovering on the trigger.

There was a flurry of movement at the end of the aisle and her mind suddenly disassociated from her body. She saw a form come flying around the corner, brandishing a gun, trained first on Mac, who was now lying on the floor in a heap, trying desperately to scrabble behind the cashier's desk. A millisecond later, the form, now clearly that of a young teenager, caught sight of Jo and he spun towards her, the gun aimed in the vicinity of her head. Jo ducked her upper body away, towards Mac. At the same moment, she could feel the trigger of her gun depressing – was it really her finger causing the motion? She couldn't be certain. Then suddenly, there was a loud crack, followed almost immediately by another…

The boy, now looming only a few feet from her, fell to the floor with a thud, the gun flying from his hand and sliding across the floor to come to rest at Jo's knee as her own body hit the tile a few feet away. Mac slid across the floor to her, taking only a moment to determine that the boy was dead.

He turned his attention to Jo as she slowly rose to a standing position. "Jo. You're bleeding."

"Wha-?" She followed Mac's gaze to her upper left arm.

He was right. There was a slow trickle of blood, from a freshly torn hole in her new leather jacket.

"Damn. I just got this coat…" She wavered slightly, and Mac's arm shot out to steady her.

"Jo, sit down…"

"Mac I'm fine. Just got up too fast." But her knees seemed to give out and she sat back down heavily on the floor.

Mac knelt beside her, fumbling with her arm. "How bad is it?"

She scoffed. "Oh, Mac it's nothing. Just a graze. Hurts less than a paper cut. I didn't even realize I was shot."

He frowned. "I'm going to call it in from the truck and get my gun, just in case… You ok to sit tight here a second?"

She nodded, watching as Mac walked outside. As she sat, her head involuntarily turned to stare at the dead boy's pale face, his eyes, lifeless, unseeing, yet strangely piercing as they seemed to bore right into her. She looked at his young face. She blinked suddenly, as the face seemed to morph into that of Keith Lewis, lying in a pool of blood. She shook her head, turning back to the doorway. The edges of her vision blurred slightly, and she shook her head again. The door was gone, replaced by that chain-link gate. From the alleyway. A small face peering through it, staring wide-eyed at her. Or was it the face of the young boy lying next to her. No, this was the alleyway… She shook her head more forcefully, trying to remember exactly where she was. Who she'd just shot. In any case, she shouldn't be sitting down on the job. She needed to get up…

Jo pushed herself slowly off the floor and the room spun wildly. She closed her eyes against the sensation, a hand pressed against her stomach as it clenched. Mac returned, gun in hand, and frowned upon seeing Jo struggling to get up.

"Jo, what are you doing? Sit down."

She shook her head. "Mac. I'm sorry. I'm just not fee…" She paused to swallow the lump rising in her throat, then continued. "I…need to use the restroom."

Mac shook his head at her. "Now? No…I think you should stay…"

But she was already rising up. Mac watched as she took a hesitant step towards the door. He saw her waver dangerously and he began to move slowly towards her when suddenly, her eyes rolled upwards and her body went limp. He launched himself towards her as she plummeted down. He reached out, barely catching her waist with his arms. But the momentum from her fall pulled him off balance and she dragged him down with her to the floor. He pulled her roughly towards him at the last minute, just before her head hit the ground, and they ended in a tangled heap on the floor.

"Jo?!"

He shifted slightly, rearranging her body in his arms, feeling for a pulse. It was slow but steady … He eyed her arm – certainly more than a papercut, but not serious. His gaze scanned the rest of her body, searching for some undiscovered injury. But he noticed nothing. He managed to wrangle one sleeve of her jacket off so that he could better examine the gunshot wound. He realized it was in the exact same place on her left arm that he'd brushed across in the motel. His brow creased, realizing it would never again be the soft, supple, unblemished patch of skin he'd he been so drawn to two nights ago.

He shifted her body slightly, cradling her head and shoulders in his arms, trying to make her more comfortable as he waited for the paramedics and squad cars to arrive. As he moved her legs, her phone fell from her pocket, sliding across the white tiled flooring through the trail of tiny blood drops from Jo's arm, smearing them into an odd semblance of a Jackson Pollack painting. Mac stared, oddly mesmerized, when the phone suddenly started ringing and Mac jumped. The name "Cade Conover" flashed insistently across the screen.

Mac stared down at Jo cradled in his arms, stared back at the device, ringing and vibrating frantically, further smearing the blood underneath. He slowly reached out towards the phone, his gun still in his hand, when he suddenly froze on hearing a noise behind him.

"Police! Don't move!"

**A/N: OK – this was nice and long - hope it made up for the last one! Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	9. Chapter 9

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_Mac stared down at Jo cradled in his arms, stared back at the device, ringing and vibrating frantically, further smearing the blood underneath. He slowly reached out towards the phone, his gun still in his hand, when he suddenly froze on hearing a noise behind him._

"_Police! Don't move!"_

**Chapter 9: Fall Back into Step**

"Slowly place the gun on the floor and put your hands over your head." A firm voice called out from behind him.

Mac frowned, curious how he'd missed the approach of the squad cars, but was urged into action when the same voice shattered through his thoughts a second time, even more insistently. "NOW!"

Sighing, he did as he was told, laying his gun next to Jo's phone and moving slightly as he attempted to remove his hand from under Jo's head. He shifted her head to his lap and, both hands free, began raising them up, his voice calm and commanding as he spoke. "I'm Detective Mac Taylor, head of the Crime Lab. My badge is clipped to my belt. This is my partner Detective Jo Danville and she needs medical attention."

He received no response and considered risking a glance over his shoulder to see which uniforms were on the scene behind him. But before he did so, a welcome female voice grated through the silence…

"What the hell a ya doin'? He's one a us… Geez, stand down…" And Detective Lovato was at his side in a flash, reaching down for Mac's gun and handing it back to him. She stepped over Jo's phone and the surrounding smears of blood and knelt down carefully, concern evident in her eyes as she glanced down at the unconscious woman.

She frowned. "Jo's shot… How bad?"

When Mac didn't respond right away, she looked up at his face, hoping to read something in his expression. But then she'd never quite figured him out. She caught the furrow in his brow as he seemed to mull over the question. But his attention remained focused downwards on Jo. He took a breath and let it out slowly before answering. "It's just a graze to the arm. She was fine right after, but when she tried to get up, she…lost consciousness."

He finally glanced up and Lovato nodded. "And you? Ya ok?" He seemed to hesitate again, but only for a split second before nodding in the affirmative and she responded with a curt nod. She sighed. "A bus should be here any minute." She pulled out her notebook and a pen, glancing behind her as the uniforms fanned out to search the rest of the small store. She turned her attention back to Mac. "So what the hell happened?"

Mac couldn't resist a reserved smirk at her directness, but it fell from his face as his mind was pulled back to the events of the night. "We were on our way back from a murder scene further out. Jo wanted to stop for something to drink. She was on the phone so I came in - the place was quiet. I headed back towards the cold case and as I rounded the display shelves…" Mac's voice had quieted noticeably in speaking the last few words, and he finally came to a sudden stop mid-sentence. His gaze trailed away and for a moment, he saw himself back at that pharmacy a year ago, felt the bullet slam into his back, felt himself falling, saw himself surrounded by an ever-growing pool of blood that seemed to engulf him as he lost consciousness. Lovato, watching him closely, cleared her throat, debating whether to say something, when Mac's gaze suddenly shot back to hers. He shook his head slightly, as if shaking off a cobweb, before continuing.

"…As I came around the end of the aisle, I saw a middle-aged man lying on the floor in the back corner. Gunshot wound to the head. I assumed he was the cashier, as he was wearing a uniform, a name tag. I didn't have my piece on me then; left it in the truck. A second later, the youth…" Mac indicated the boy lying on the floor behind Lovato, "… came around the back corner from the last display aisle, gun trained right on me. I identified myself as a police officer. He told me not to move and to hand over my gun, which I didn't have. That seemed to confuse him. Right then Jo came in the front door, unaware of what was happening. I warned her there was an armed suspect, she pulled her gun and identified herself, but she was out of sight of the kid. He panicked. I could see it in his eyes, he was about to shoot me, so I threw myself backwards towards Jo, out of his sight for a moment, just as he got off one shot. As soon as he came around the corner brandishing the gun, she shot him…but not before he got a second shot off. It hit Jo, but she assured me she was fine. I went back out to get my gun, call it in. And when I came back, Jo tried to stand up and…passed out. That was just a few minutes ago."

Lovato nodded slowly, eyeing Mac. "Wow. You're a lucky one tonight. Sounds like she showed up just in time to save your ass…" And she stopped suddenly, biting her tongue as she realized what she'd just said to the head of the Crime Lab. But he seemed lost in thought, his only reaction to her comment a slow, methodical nod of his head. She busied herself jotting some notes in her notebook just as Sid came in with one of the night shift M.E.'s. He smiled jovially at Mac, nodded at Detective Lovato, and was about to make a comment about the candy strewn everywhere across the floor when he froze upon seeing Jo's unconscious form lying in Mac's arms. He gasped and faltered slightly, reaching out to steady himself on the edge of the cashier's counter. "Oh, no…Jo's not…" His voice was barely a whisper.

Mac stared at Sid for a split second before responding. "No…Sid. It's just a flesh wound. But she passed out…"

Sid took a deep breath and pushed himself away from the counter, seemingly teetering the few steps to where they were all crouched on the floor. Lovato moved over to make space for him. He glanced at his watch as he felt for her pulse. "Mmm. Quite low. But steady." He glanced up at Mac. "She was conscious after she was shot?"

Mac nodded. "For a couple minutes at least - she didn't pass out until she tried to stand up."

Sid's brow furrowed. "Did you she hit her head during the fall?"

"No, I caught her on the way down."

"Lay her body down flatter and elevate her legs if you can, get the blood flowing back to her head…" Sid helped Mac shift her body and Mac removed his jacket, folding it under her head. Within a few moments, Jo's eyes fluttered and she inhaled suddenly, deeply. Her eyes flashed open to see Sid's face staring back at her. She blinked once, twice, trying to clear the fog from her vision. The lights appeared to be swirling non-stop overhead, seemingly moving closer, then further away as she stared at them. She closed her eyes again, unable to tolerate the dizzying sensation they imparted.

"Si…" Her voice was hoarse. She swallowed and tried again. "Sid? Where…" She coughed slightly, deciding it might be better to hold off on talking for the moment. She shifted, trying to get a better sense of where she was. And realized she was lying on the floor. In some sort of store. And her arm was throbbing. She moved her head slightly, wanting to see who was on her other side but the room spun wildly and Sid appeared to spontaneously divide into no less than four separate Sids. She slammed her eyes closed again.

Sid placed a steady hand over her own. "Jo. Do you remember where you are?"

She shook her head almost imperceptibly, fearing the vertigo that seemed to invade every time she moved or opened her eyes. She coughed again. Her throat was so dry, she could barely swallow. She opened her mouth to speak, but only half the letters seemed to form in her mouth. "Wat…" She opened one eye a tiny bit and caught sight of Mac on her right side. And the memory of everything that had happened that evening…and other things that had happened long before… assaulted her mind. Her body recoiled, both eyes opening wide, her vision tunneling, her head spinning, her heart beginning to pound and her breathing becoming erratic. She thrust her hand out, grabbing at Mac's jacket in an effort to keep herself tethered to the floor, to him, to anything solid. "Mac…" Her voice sounded panicked and Mac found himself leaning closer over her, covering her hand that had tangled in his jacket with one of his own, and placing his other reassuringly on her shoulder, squeezing firmly. "Jo, you're gonna be fine. I'm right here. Sid's right here. The paramedics are on their way."

She hesitantly let go of his jacket, instead clasping her hand hard over his own. She stared at Mac, focusing on his steady gaze, avoiding the swirl of lights and movement and colors that seemed to exist everywhere else she cast her eyes. She focused on his slow, steady breathing, trying to imitate it and within a minute, she began to calm down. Slowly, her breathing returned to a more normal rate, her grip on Mac's hand released enough that he could feel the tips of his fingers again. The dizziness subsided somewhat and she blinked, hazarding a quick glance around her before her gaze came to rest again on Mac. Her body shuddered slightly. "Mac…"

"I'm right here…" He smiled softly, rubbing her shoulder gently.

She coughed. "Water…"

Mac looked pointedly at Lovato who thrust herself up from the floor and gingerly made her way to the cold cases, dodging blood pools and the two bodies, to fetch a bottle of water. She returned, unscrewing the top, and handed it back to Mac, who was propping up Jo's head so she could drink. Sid cleared his throat and Mac glanced at him. "Not too much… Just a swallow." Mac nodded and returned his attention to Jo. Cradling her head in one hand, he held the bottle of water to her lips. She took a large gulp followed by another and Sid made a small noise. "Careful… Don't drink too much too fast." Jo frowned and took another sip before Mac withdrew the bottle and replaced her head on his folded jacket.

A moment later, the paramedics appeared. Sid motioned them over to Jo and was about to introduce himself, when Jo groaned loudly. She squirmed, trying her best to sit up, despite both Mac and Sid placing hands on her shoulders and encouraging her to remain prone. Mac moved to the side as a paramedic approached, but without his hand restraining her, Jo managed to achieve a partially seated position on the floor. The paramedic frowned. "Ma'am? We need you to stay still, ok? Just lie down. Don't move. We're going to check you over, make sure everything's ok…"

Jo shook her head and, reaching out with her good arm, weakly pushed at the paramedic before putting her hand back down on the floor so she could lean on it. She coughed again, harder. "Move. I'm gonna be sick." And turning her head, her stomach convulsed and she vomited the few gulps of water she'd managed to swallow only a minute before.

Sid reached out and rubbed her back a few times, trying to move her hair out of the way. "Let's hold off on the water for a bit, ok?"

Jo's body began trembling and the paramedic nearest to her reached out and placed a firm hand on her shoulder. "Ma'am. I want you to lie back down, ok? I wanna get you're vitals before we head to the hospital."

Jo shook her head, reaching up with her good arm to bat at the paramedic's hand at her shoulder. "I just need to go home and rest. I'll be fine."

Sid glanced up at Mac, smiling lightly as he heard the familiar stubbornness creep into her voice. The image of her, pale and motionless when he'd arrived, had set his nerves on edge. He smiled reassuringly. "Jo. You've been shot and you lost consciousness… You should have a doctor check you out at the hospital just to be safe."

Sid glanced at the paramedic. "Dr. Sid Hammerback, M.E.'s Office. I think you should get her on a fluid drip as soon as possible…" And he began relaying the relevant information to the E. .

The monotonous murmur of the paramedics conferring and the uniforms examining the scene around them was suddenly interrupted by the ringing of Jo's phone, startling everyone. Jo began trying to sit up again. "Ellie? Mac, is it Ellie?"

Mac rounded the small group and headed towards where her phone lay. He was tempted to pick it up but restrained himself, glancing down at it instead. He shook his head. "No, it's not Ellie." It was Cade. But he wasn't certain he should announce that. He glanced over at her, but she seemed content with the knowledge that it wasn't her daughter and slumped back down while one paramedic finished taking her blood pressure and the other examined her arm.

As Mac stood off to the side, watching, two of the night shift CSIs arrived, cases in hand, pausing and nodding somewhat confusedly at the unexpected presence of the head of the Crime Lab in the midst of their scene at one in the morning. Mac motioned to Lovato to join him and, with a last glance at Jo, they moved to brief the new arrivals.

A few minutes later, the briefing done, Mac jogged outside to catch up with Jo as she was being rolled towards the ambulance on a gurney. She caught sight of him and called out, raising her body slightly up from the gurney and earning a nasty glare from one of the paramedics in response. "Mac! Please tell them I'm just going to go home and rest. I don't need to go to the hospital… Could you just drive me home?"

He frowned. "Jo, I'm not a doctor, and I'm pretty certain you need to have your arm tended to, at the very least."

She groaned. The paramedic nodded. "You're going to need a few stitches, ok? Maybe a few tests to rule out anything serious behind your loss of consciousness. Just relax. We'll have you there in no time."

Mac placed his hand on the paramedic's arm and gave him a meaningful look. The paramedic sighed, but stopped the gurney, moving away slightly. Mac glanced down at Jo. "Listen, Jo. Cade called. A couple times." He paused.

Jo pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh, yeah, I told him I'd call him right back." She sighed. "He's here. In New York."

Mac nodded. "You want me to go get your phone, so you can call him?"

She seemed to think about that a moment.

The paramedic cleared his throat and looked at Mac. "We should be going." He stated pointedly, then turned to Jo. "Ma'am, you can make calls later from the hospital." And he and his partner released the brake and pushed her the last few feet to the ambulance, where they began loading her in.

Mac stepped back out of the way, trying to catch her gaze. "Jo, if you want, I can call him. Tell him what happened. I'll meet you at the hospital and bring your phone."

She peered at him from inside the ambulance and nodded. "Yeah, thanks Mac. Tell him which hospital. But you don't need to come. I'm not going to be there long." And she glared at the paramedic, who merely quirked his eyebrow back at her as he climbed in himself and reached out to pull the door closed.

Mac shook his head, but he could no longer see her, and knew she couldn't see him either. He shouted over the engine of the ambulance as it started up. "I'll be there Jo. I want to make sure you're ok."

"Mac, you don't…" But Jo's voice was cut off as the sirens switched on. Then the doors closed with a resounding bang and Mac was left alone in the parking lot.

-\-\-\-\-

After making sure he was no longer needed at the scene, and entrusting the earlier evidence from the alleyway to the night shift CSIs, Mac climbed into the Avalanche and sat a moment, looking down at Jo's phone. He scrolled through her contacts, noting with a half smile that nearly every single one was accompanied by a tiny photo image of the corresponding person. He reached Cade Conover, sporting what Mac thought was a rather haughty smirk in his photo, and pressed the call button. It rang only once and Cade answered, his voice smooth yet clearly tinged with concern.

"Hey babe - you ok? You were AWOL there for awhile…"

There was a long pause, as Mac, his mouth open, struggled with what to say. He'd expected Cade to answer his phone in a slightly more professional tone and the familiarity of his words had caught Mac slightly off guard.

"Jo? Are you there?" Cade's voice was suddenly reticent, nervous.

"Agent Conover… It's Mac Taylor…"

"Mac?! What happened to Jo? Is she all right?" The concern was now clearly evident in his voice.

"She's going to be fine. We walked into an armed robbery at a service station – she's got a flesh wound in her upper arm. She's on her way to the hospital now. She lost consciousness at one point; they want to run some tests."

"And she wasn't able to call me herself? Is she conscious now?"

"Yes, she definitely is now. The paramedic wouldn't let her call. Jo's proving to be a rather challenging patient."

Cade laughed slowly, his tone returning to normal now. "Ahh. Well, that about sums her up. I'm not so worried then…"

"She wanted me to tell you she'll be at Trinity General."

"OK, I'll grab a cab. She wants me to come meet her, right?"

Mac thought a moment. "That was my impression."

"Ok. Thanks. Are you there with her?"

"No, but I'm on my way. I'll see you there?"

"All right. Thanks Mac…"

"No problem." And he hung up. He realized too late he could easily have swung by Jo's place to pick up Cade on the way to the hospital. He considered calling back, but couldn't help feeling that would somehow be awkward – he'd come to view Cade in his professional capacity only; he wasn't certain what to think now, knowing Jo hadn't openly revealed that their relationship was clearly more than just professional. He glanced back down at the tiny image of Cade. It was very relaxed, very informal. Not the sort of photo you'd have of a former colleague.

Out of curiosity, he scrolled further down the contact list until he came to the "Ts". And frowned. There was his name and contact information, next to a tiny image of his face, eyes closed, clearly deep in sleep, a rather peaceful look about him if he did say so himself. He stared at it a moment, trying to imagine when she might have taken it. It was clearly taken at work, in his office, as he could recognize the top of his desk chair behind his head. He looked closer, noticing the collar of the shirt he was wearing, and his frown deepened. He'd gotten rid of that shirt ages ago. Certainly well before the pharmacy shooting. Possibly even the first year she'd been at the Lab. He was tempted to delete it – the last thing he needed was an image of himself asleep at the Lab floating around for anyone to see. But he paused, curious as to why she'd chosen that image. He frowned, realizing it was most likely because he'd never pose willingly for one awake. He made a mental note to ask her about it later before sliding her phone in his pocket and starting up the Avalanche.

-/-/-/-/-

Twenty-five minutes later, he arrived at the ER, and was ushered to the small room in which Jo was being examined. He stood at the doorway a moment, watching her. Jo was propped up on an examining table, dressed in a hospital gown, an IV line in her hand and a gauze bandage wrapped around her upper left arm. It was clearly more than just a "paper cut" as she'd referred to it - he could see the blood beginning to soak through the temporary wrap.

A nurse was standing next to her, asking her questions and taking notes on a form in a file. Jo smiled rather forlornly as she caught his eye, and Mac nodded at her, not wanting to interrupt. He moved just inside the doorway and listened as the intake nurse ticked off the mundane questions in a voice that made Mac wonder whether she wasn't just playing a computerized recording. Jo answered in an even less animated tone, until one in particular.

"Date of last menstrual cycle?"

Jo's eyes shot to Mac leaning in the doorway and he averted his gaze, wondering if he could politely just fade into the woodwork. But Jo recovered quickly and scoffed, rolling her eyes at the nurse. "You have got to be kidding me. I can tell you right now I am certainly not pregnant. And in any case, the paramedics already asked me every single one of these questions at least once if not twice on the way over here. Don't you guys communicate? Can't you exchange paperwork? Ever heard of computers and file sharing? Even a photocopier might do the trick…"

Mac cringed slightly and cleared his throat. "I'm…going to get something to drink while you finish this up. I'll be back." And he turned on his heel and wandered back into the waiting area to ponder the choices in the vending machine. Seeing nothing of interest, he sat down in one of the chairs in a far corner to wait, keeping one eye on the hallway, waiting for sight of the nurse leaving Jo's room so that it was safe to reenter. Or at least safer. His eyes ached from lack of sleep and he leaned back slightly and closed them for a moment, rubbing at them, trying to seek some relief from the fatigue that was beginning to take its toll.

He started as the same nurse shook his shoulder gently. "Your…" She paused suddenly, not certain how to refer to Jo. "Ms. Danville has been admitted and she's about to be transferred to C wing, upstairs. She's still in Treatment Bay 6 for a short while if you want to see her. Visiting hours are long past, so you won't be able to accompany her upstairs…"

Mac rubbed a hand down his face, shaking his head a few times in a desperate attempt to fully awaken. He stared a moment at the nurse then his eyes opened wide as he noted the time on the wall clock behind her. It was three thirty in the morning. He'd been asleep for nearly two hours. The nurse smiled. "Had yourself a nice nap, huh?"

Mac stood suddenly, nearly knocking her over and, mumbling a thank you, headed in the direction of Jo's room. Her door was closed only halfway and he could see her rubbing her eyes with one hand. The IV line was still in her hand, but her arm seemed to have been taken care of and bandaged properly. He hesitated, then knocked on her door frame before entering.

She opened her fingers and peered through them. "Oh, Mac. I thought you went home…?"

He shuffled nervously in the doorway, clearing his throat. "No, actually I fell asleep in the waiting room. Sorry..."

She quirked her eyebrows. "Well, at least one of us got some sleep. Believe me, you didn't miss much here. Usual bureaucracy. I'm sure they've sent me for every test imaginable just to avoid any potential lawsuit in case I happen to ever faint again at any point during the entire rest of my life." But then her look turned serious. "Hey, isn't Cade coming?"

Mac frowned, then patted his jacket pocket. Her phone was still there and he drew it out, wincing as he noticed he must have turned it completely off. He glanced up at Jo, a look of embarrassment on his face. "He said he was coming. I must have turned off your phone… Sorry."

She shrugged, then winced when it caused her left arm to throb harder. He handed the phone over to her and she switched it on, waiting for it to come to life. Her eyebrows rose. "No less than six messages from him. Hmm."

She held the phone up to her ear, listening to her voicemails, and Mac watched as her expression turned from one of concern, to confusion, and finally to humor.

"He's ok I take it?"

She laughed softly. "He had some trouble getting here it seems, but he's in the building now."

She sighed and smiled tightly at Mac. "Mac, you don't need to stay any longer. Really."

He shrugged. "I want to. At least 'til Cade gets here, ok? I want to be sure you're ok."

"Mac. I'm ok. And I'm in a hospital - if I wasn't ok, I'm sure they have the means to take care of me… And Cade'll be here any moment to take me home."

Mac frowned. "The nurse told me they were admitting you."

Jo scoffed. "Fat chance…"

Mac shook his head. "Well, in any case, I'd better stay and make sure you don't slip out the back door when the nurse turns her head. I know you…"

She quirked her brow at him, a subtle smile playing along the corners of her lips. "Ah, I get it…you know everything about me now that we spent one night together, huh?"

There was a loud cough from the doorway and Mac's head swiveled around to find a very flustered looking Cade standing inches away. Cade eyed Mac a moment, clearing his throat and frowning slightly, but as he entered and saw Jo on the examining table, he quickly focused his attention on her. He walked in, nodding briefly at Mac as he passed by and headed to Jo's bedside. "Hey, babe…" He leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Sorry it took me so long. Jesus. My cab had a flat, they sent another and the idiot tried to drop me off in front of some upscale dance club called The Trinity, instead. I finally get here and Information has you registered as having been admitted to another wing, when you were actually still here in the ER… not only did I get an impromptu tour of the club scene in New York City, I'm also quite familiar with the layout of the entire hospital at this point…"

Jo smiled widely, reaching out and caressing his cheek softly. "Oh, you went through all that just for me, huh?"

He smiled and nodded back at her, but then his gaze turned to her arm. "You ok?"

She rolled her eyes. "I got to visit a few wings of the hospital myself so they could run a bunch of useless tests, only to come up with a diagnosis of tired, hungry and dehydrated."

Cade frowned, glancing again at her arm. "And shot, it seems to me."

"Ugh. It's really nothing. A few stitches. They want to keep me for twenty-four hours, for observation, in case I faint again. But I think I managed to convince the resident to let me sign myself out, as long as I have 'a responsible adult to co-sign and accompany me home for the night.' He'll be back in a few minutes with the chief just to confirm…"

Cade shook his head and sighed. "It's probably best I didn't show up 'til now. I can't imagine the pain in the butt you've probably been since they brought you in…"

Jo glared at him, but the resident and the chief came in and Cade and Mac retreated to the far corner of the room. They looked on in astonishment as Jo turned on her charm, managing to discover early on that the chief was an old friend of her late father's. That determined, she easily convinced him that Cade would keep a tireless eye on her the rest of the evening and phone the hospital if anything at all were to go awry. The nurse followed shortly with several forms to be filled out, and minutes later, paperwork finished, Jo slid gracefully off the examining table, grasping the hospital gown in all the right places so it didn't reveal more than was to be expected. She reached for her clothes folded on the chair nearby then stared pointedly at the two men.

When neither seemed to take the hint, she narrowed her eyes, her gaze trailing to Cade then coming to rest on Mac. "You two can wait outside. I'm sure you have important emails and what not to check while I get dressed…"

They both filed out into the hallway and Cade pulled the door shut behind them. They made small talk for a few minutes, but it dwindled rather quickly and a fog of awkwardness settled in over the two. They may have had a pleasant professional relationship last fall working on the Mary Portico case, but now, it seemed neither knew quite what to say to the other.

Thankfully, Jo appeared a few minutes later. As she exited the room, Mac's attention was drawn to the bullet hole in the left sleeve of her jacket – the leather around it was damp where one of the nurses had attempted to clean away the blood. Cade's gaze was focused rather on a scrap of black lace clutched in her hand, which she quickly stuffed in her jacket pocket. He looked at her curiously and she sighed, rolling her eyes, clearly embarrassed. "I couldn't seem to clasp it - hurt my arm too much." She spoke under her breath, directing the words to where Cade stood right at her side, but they were close enough that Mac heard everything.

Cade leaned in. "I could've helped out, you know…"

She elbowed him in the ribs and he grunted. "Yes, I'm sure you could've. Let's just get out of here." And with that she headed towards the exit.

Cade grinned, shaking his head, and was about to bid goodnight to Mac, when Jo turned back.

"You know – maybe I'd better use the bathroom again. They've been pumping me full of fluids from the moment I got in the ambulance – I'm fixin' to float away any minute."

Cade smirked. "Well, you were dehydrated…"

"Well, I can safely say I'm not anymore!" And she headed down the hall to the restrooms. Mac eyed Cade for a moment before speaking. "I could drop you two off if you want." Cade seemed to consider the offer a moment, but then shook his head. 'Nah, that's ok Mac. You've done enough. We'll just grab a cab. We should get there sometime before sunrise…"

Mac smiled at the joke, then thought a moment, approching Cade and clearing his throat. "Cade, there's something I want to mention to you…" Cade looked up from his phone screen expectantly, watching as Mac seemed to weigh his words very carefully before speaking. "Jo hasn't…really seemed herself lately. I'm not certain what's going on… But I'm a little concerned."

Cade's brow furrowed and he slipped the phone back into his pocket. "Not herself? In what way?"

"Well…" Mac hesitated, realizing how very similar this situation was to several months back, when he'd been suffering from his aphasia and Jo had confronted first him, then Christine, about the changes in his behavior. The last thing he wanted to do was invade her privacy, like she had done to him. But he was becoming increasingly worried.

"She's been…distracted for a while now. As if something's weighing on her mind." He realized that sounded quite inconsequential. He took a deep breath, looked up at Cade. He could see the concern spreading across Cade's features, as well as a certain amount of confusion at Mac's guardedness. He took a breath and looked Cade in the eye. "She…was involved in another shooting last Friday night. Honestly I think something about it's bothering her, but she hasn't talked about it at all. And she seemed off at our crime scene earlier tonight as well, before the shooting at the service station. Hopefully it's nothing… But…if you could just keep an eye on her."

"I will Mac. Don't worry. Thanks for letting me know." He thought a moment. "The only thing is I'm due to testify in Federal Court at nine tomorrow morning." He pursed his lips. "Ellie'll be at school I assume?"

"Actually, she was injured at soccer over the weekend. She's at a friend's tonight and there's no school tomorrow. I don't know when she returns. But I think it'd be better having an adult around." Cade nodded.

Mac thought. "I'm not on shift until noon tomorrow. Maybe I'll stop by Jo's in the morning with some pastries and coffee… When do you think you need to leave to get to court?"

"Well, by eight at the very latest. I'll need to stop by the hotel and change clothes before I go to court…"

Mac paused and cocked his head, a confused look shadowing his face. He'd assumed Cade was staying at Jo's, but that didn't appear to be the case. He realized Cade was waiting for him to speak. "Ok, I'll be there around 7:45 then… I can spend the morning with her – see how she's doing."

They heard the bathroom door creak further down the hall and both looked up expectantly at Jo as she approached. "Ok, I'm ready." She yawned widely and glanced at her watch. "Oh Lord, I can't believe it's almost four in the morning." She looked at Cade. "How on earth are you going to testify tomorrow? You'll fall asleep on the stand…"

Cade chuckled. "Don't worry… We've still got a few hours before I'll have to drag myself out of bed. I can survive on a lot less sleep than that, or have you forgotten?"

She smiled, chuckling softly, and looked away a moment, slightly embarrassed that Mac was standing only a foot away, looking on.

But not for long, as Mac's gaze was quickly redirected down to his feet, as he tried to decide how best to take his leave without making it too noticeable that he was trying to escape. But Cade saved him the trouble by bidding him farewell. "Well, thanks Mac. See you tomorrow…" And he held up his hand in a semblance of a wave before draping it around Jo's shoulders. She winced in pain and Cade withdrew his arm quickly. "Sorry…You ok?" Jo nodded and they began walking towards the exit. Jo shook her head. "Why don't you let me give directions to the cabbie… I don't wanna end up in the Central Park Zoo or something." Cade glanced back over his shoulder and rolled his eyes at Mac, who couldn't help but smile back. Mac watched as Cade instead placed his hand on Jo's back, rubbing lightly as they walked out of the hospital, side by side.

As he walked slowly out to the parking garage, Mac debated whether to head to his own apartment or Christine's. He mused at the realization that soon, he wouldn't be facing that dilemma ever again. He'd been single for the greater part of the time since Claire died, and the thought of going home again to someone every single night seemed almost unfathomable.

In the end, he chose Christine's. Although his place was closer to the hospital, Christine's was closer to Jo's and would make the following morning's breakfast run to her place that much easier. And he decided he didn't feel like being alone tonight. Not after the events of the past evening. He wasn't certain he wanted to wake up Christine and talk about it all right now. But he felt her mere presence would at least provide some comfort.

As he drove through the relative quiet of the streets, Mac realized he was slightly miffed that Jo never told him about her and Cade. Particularly given they'd all worked quite closely together find Mary Portico in San Francisco. Perhaps they hadn't been together yet then. Although she'd certainly mentioned she knew him from her years at the Bureau. He sighed, realizing that perhaps she hadn't shared anything with him because of their rift following her questioning Christine about his health. He hoped he hadn't rekindled any of those issues by breaching the subject of her own well-being with Cade.

Finally at Christine's he moved quietly into bed, not wanting to wake her. As he lay down, she turned over in her sleep, snuggling against his body, her face nuzzling underneath his chin. Mac gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and reached out to caress her bare arm, but she recoiled. "Mmmm. Cold hands…" She mumbled, still half asleep, and she shifted again, turning back away from him.

Mac stared at her arm, just peeking out from covers. His eyes flickered once, twice – he was so tired. They finally closed and in his mind he saw Jo's arm and the gunshot wound she'd received - in return for saving his life. His eyes shot opened again. _Damn, he'd forgotten even to mention that, to thank her_… But the pull of fatigue became overpowering, and his eyes lost the battle to stay open as he fell headlong into a restless sleep…

-\-\-\-\-

When the cab pulled up outside Jo's building, she was sound asleep and Cade had to spend a good minute rousing her. As they rode the elevator to her floor, she seemed barely cognizant of what they were doing.

They entered and Jo began slipping off her boots and struggling out of her coat. Cade helped her extricate her arm and hung it for her. "Ellie's out?" He asked.

Jo nodded. "At Sami's downstairs… Her mom's a nurse and had a couple days off."

Cade nodded, but a playful smile spread across his face. "So I should prepare to find her sneaking around the kitchen replenishing snack and drink supplies then?"

Jo chuckled, but it was cut off by a large yawn.

Cade frowned and reached out to take Jo's hand. "Let's get you to bed. You're exhausted."

She shook her head slightly. "Do you think you could make me a cup of tea first? I just wanna talk to you about something before I go to bed…"

Cade eyed her, noting her use of "I" instead of "we" when mentioning bed. He glanced at his watch - it was four thirty in the morning. But thinking back to Mac's concerned words at the hospital, he decided that if she was willing to talk, he'd better be willing to listen, regardless of the hour. He smiled. "Sure. Give me a few minutes and I'll bring it out to you. You want something to eat?"

She shook her head as she moved into the living room and dropped onto the couch. "Just the tea is fine. Thanks Cade."

Ten minutes later, after nearly dismantling Jo's kitchen in his search for tea bags, Cade arrived with a steaming mug of chamomile, only to find Jo sound asleep. It didn't surprise him in the least, but he paused a moment, trying to decide what to do now.

She was lying on her side, her injured arm facing up. He didn't want to touch it, so he placed his hand on the side of her waist instead and shook gently. But got no response. He shook her slightly harder. "Jo…" She uttered a noise that sounded more like a dog growling than anything else. "Jo. You should go to bed." Cade said, slightly more insistently. She groaned this time and burrowed her head further into the cushion. Cade frowned. So much for tea and talking. And getting her into bed. He grabbed the throw off the back of the couch and covered her as best he could. He set the tea on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen to fetch a glass of the water for her, which he placed next to the tea.

He watched her a moment, then sighed. He knew he had to get at least some sleep before morning. This was a high profile trial, and he was the primary witness for the Bureau. He would likely be on the stand for much of the day and he expected the cross examination would not be friendly by any means. He glanced at the chairs in the living room, frowning. If he was going to make the most of the couple hours he had, he decided he'd have to take Jo's bed.

An hour later, Jo shuddered awake, her eyes darting frantically around in the darkness until she realized she was lying on the couch in her living room. Again. She frowned as her arm began throbbing, reminding her of the past evening's events. She sat up slightly, saw the cup of tea and the glass of water set out on the table and smiled. She felt the mug; it was cold. So she'd been asleep for more than just a quick catnap. Reaching for the water and drinking it down, she wondered where Cade was. Not seeing him in any of the chairs, she slowly rose from the couch, her aching muscles protesting every move. Two nights out of the past four on the couch had not done her body any good.

She made her way slowly to her bedroom and paused in the doorway, finding him asleep on top of the bedspread, clad in a t-shirt and boxers, an extra blanket covering half his body. She frowned, wondering why he hadn't just gotten under the covers. She debated returning to the couch, but knew her body wouldn't be pleased. Instead, she quietly undressed, threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and carefully climbed in under the covers. Cade shifted slightly, but didn't awaken, and Jo found herself drifting off shortly thereafter.

Another hour later, Jo jolted awake to the feel of Cade's form pressing into hers from behind. There was no mistaking his body was under the covers now, and there was no mistaking what was on his mind. The only thing she wasn't certain of was whether he was actually awake or just acting on impulse in his sleep. Her body tensed slightly as he groaned and pressed against her more forcefully. Despite their playful banter and flirting the evening before, and during the several phone conversations they'd had over the past few months, she couldn't help but feel rather unsettled now that they were actually together in her bed, he making his intentions very clear.

"Cade!" She jerked away, calling his name rather harshly.

If he'd been asleep, he was now wide awake. "What's wrong? Are you ok?" Realizing how close he was to her, and the state his body was in, he quickly retreated further to his side of the bed. "Jo?"

"Cade… I'm…sorry. I'm just… I'm not… I'm sorry."

"Shhh. It's ok." He whispered, reaching out to touch her arm in a calming gesture, but thinking twice and retracting his hand before he made contact. "No, Jo. I'm sorry." She turned slightly to look at him, and he smiled gently. "I guess finding myself in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world…well, what can I say. I let myself get carried away." He chuckled, but turned serious when he saw she didn't respond the same way. "I really am sorry, Jo. My body was on autopilot for a moment there. I really wasn't trying to pressure you, by any means. I apologize."

"It's ok." She whispered, but the expression on her face didn't say the same, and Cade frowned.

She opened her mouth, clearly about to speak, but seemed to stumble. "It's just… Now… I'm just realizing how awkward this could end up being – seeing each other so rarely then trying to seamlessly fall back into step, right where we'd left off the last visit, however many months prior." She looked up at his face, curious as to how he'd react to her hesitancy. She'd looked forward to his visit this week, no question. Yet now that he was here she couldn't help but feel perhaps they were rushing things a bit; that perhaps they hadn't fully thought things through give the reality of their situation.

"Is that what we're doing Jo?"

"I don't know Cade." Her voice was so soft he could barely hear.

Cade sighed. "Jo. When I called to tell you I was coming to New York City, I just called to invite you out to dinner. I just wanted to spend some time with you. Nothing more. I didn't expect to stay with you. I certainly didn't expect to sleep with you. I just wanted to see you."

When she didn't answer, he sighed. "Would you like me to move to the couch?" She listened closely for any note of annoyance or reproach in his voice, but she could detect none. Just quiet acceptance.

She shook her head. "No. It's ok. Stay."

Cade frowned. "You're absolutely certain?"

She nodded, but didn't respond verbally. He thought back to Mac's concern at the hospital. To Jo's mention last night that she had something she wanted to talk about, before falling asleep on the couch. "Jo… Are you ok?"

"Of course, I'm fine. Just tired…"

Cade hesitated a moment before continuing. "Because Mac mentioned you'd been a little off lately…"

He felt Jo's body stiffen and knew immediately he'd hit a sore spot. He shouldn't have taken that route…should have brought it up more delicately…

She sat up in bed and turned to look down at him. "Oh he did, did he?" Her tone was full of acrimony. "What exactly did he say to you?"

Cade took a breath. "Just that he'd been concerned about you since the shooting…" He was interrupted by the sound of his phone alarm going off. It was seven in the morning. He reached over and turned it off, turning back to look at Jo. "Jo, I've really got to get up and get ready. I've got a huge day ahead of me."

She frowned, but knew he was right. "Are you flying back right after court today?"

He furrowed his brow. "Possibly. It depends on how long my testimony lasts. I'm booked on a 5 PM flight. If I'm done in time, I leave tonight. Otherwise, I'll just fly back first thing in the morning." He knew this was a terrible way to leave things and thought a moment. "I'll push to stay over until tomorrow, ok? Unless I finish up so early it looks like I'm trying to play hooky from work…" Jo smiled weakly and Cade reached out and patted her leg. "As soon as I know for sure, I'll let you know…"

She nodded and he withdrew his hand. "Think I could use your shower? I've got to run by the hotel and change, but a shower now'll save me some time later…"

She nodded and rose from the bed. "I'll get you a towel…"

As soon as she stood, she froze, casting her eyes downwards and reaching out to place her hand on the bed for support.

Cade, already rounding the bed, rushed up to her. "You ok? Sit down. Dizzy again?"

Caded noted how she sat down heavily but shook her head negatively in response to his inquiries. She took a long breath. "It's likely just the pain killers. Or the fact that I'm hungry. They pumped some sort of intravenous nutritional concoction into me last night but I have to say, it doesn't rate when compared to a decent burger for dinner."

Cade smiled. "Well, Mac should be by with breakfast in a half hour or so…"

"Mac's coming?" Her brow knit together in a rather unflattering look of astonishment.

"Yeah, I thought you knew that?"

"No. Who planned that out?"

"He offered to come before I had to leave for court."

"Oh Lord. I do not need a babysitter…"

"Jo. Please. You nearly fainted again."

She glared at him. "Don't you dare call the doctor just because I was a little lightheaded when I got up…"

"I won't as long as you agree not to kick Mac out the door the minute he arrives."

She frowned. "Believe me, it entered my mind…," she mumbled, then looked up at Cade. "What all did he say to you about me?"

Cade shook his head. "Nothing, just that you hadn't seemed yourself since the shooting Friday and that he was worried." Jo's eyes widened at his mention of the Friday shooting, but Cade turned away, heading towards the door. "I'll find a towel, don't worry. Just stay in bed. Rest up. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Just after seven thirty, Cade was grabbing an apple from the kitchen when he heard noise in the living room. He moved towards the entryway, rounding the hall corner and preparing to lay into Jo for getting up instead of resting, when he stopped short. A young man sporting a large backpack was just closing the door. Their eyes met and both froze a moment.

Cade recognized Tyler from one of Jo's photos, so he pushed back his surprise and moved towards him, hand outstretched. "Hi. You must be Jo's son. I'm Agent Cade Conover, FBI. I used to work with your mother."

Tyler tried to wipe the look of surprise from his face, wondering exactly what Cade did with his mother now that she was no longer at the Bureau. But he knew it was none of his business, so he pushed the thoughts away and stepped forward, attempting a polite smile as he reached out to shake Cade's outstretched hand. "Right. Tyler Josephson. Nice to meet you, Agent Conover."

They stared at each other a moment, until Tyler broke the silence. "So, are my mom and Ellie here? I was supposed to keep an eye on Ellie today while my mom was at work…"

"Ah." Cade nodded, beginning to realize what was going on. "You're mom's still in bed…" He stopped short, realizing just how that must have sounded, but there wasn't much he could do about it now… "Umm, Ellie spent the night at a friend's…" That probably just made it worse…

The intercom buzzed and Cade let out a sigh of relief. "That's Mac…Taylor…from the Lab…" He told Tyler, as if that explained everything at issue, and he quickly buzzed Mac in, opening the door wide so Mac could just enter.

At that moment, Jo appeared in the hallway.

Her gaze fell first on Cade… "You're still here? I thought you'd left."

Cade opened his mouth to respond when Jo looked behind him and interrupted.

"Tyler?!" Then understanding flashed across her face. "Oh, right, you're here for Ellie..."

At that moment, Mac stepped across the threshold of Jo's apartment and stopped abruptly – judging by the looks on everyone's faces, something was not right. Cade sidled towards the doorway… "Sorry to run, but I've gotta get to Court…" He passed by Mac in the doorway. "Thanks for coming Mac…" Then he leaned in closer to mutter something under his breath. "She's in a mood this morning – I'd do my best to steer clear of her."

Jo frowned at Cade's back, then turned her attention to Tyler, a forced smile alighting on her face. "Tyler – slight change in plans. Would it be ok if you came back around lunchtime? I'm not working today after all. Ellie should be back by then. And I have some things to talk to Mac about…alone." Her voice turned to ice at the mention of Mac and Tyler looked warily between the two of them for a moment. More than happy to have the morning free, and escape the brewing wrath of his mother, he happily complied and turned to follow in Cade's steps out the door.

Jo stared at Mac a moment, then entered the living room, moving forwards, eying Mac the entire time, until she was a step away from him. He had the sudden impression she was going to reach out and slap him, but instead she reached behind him to push the door shut. He breathed a silent sigh of relief, only to watch as her eyes narrowed and her jaw set itself firmly in place. Her tone was frigid when she spoke.

"Now. Mac Taylor. What…the hell…are you playing at?"

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Mac and Jo will have another "conversation" in the next chapter… And Ellie and Tyler will be back… We'll see about Cade.**


	10. Chapter 10

…**To Take a Step Back…**

_**End of Previous Chapter:**_

_Jo stared at Mac a moment, then entered the living room, moving forwards, eying him the entire time, until she was a step away from him. He had the sudden impression she was going to reach out and slap him, but instead she reached behind him to push the door shut. He breathed a silent sigh of relief, only to watch as her eyes narrowed and her jaw set itself firmly in place. Her tone was frigid when she spoke._

"_Now. Mac Taylor. What…the hell…are you playing at?"_

**Chapter 10: A Step Away**

Before Mac could even think about opening his mouth to stammer out some sort of response, Jo continued, the tone of her voice becoming more menacing with each word. "I _certainly_ hope you weren't intending to teach me a lesson or anything of the sort. A little tit for tat, maybe?" She snorted derisively. "Because I'll have you know I am not one for playing childish games. I should think you'd know me better than that, Mac." She frowned even more deeply at him, before continuing. "Anyway, I thought we already talked about all this over the weekend… Apparently you didn't get everything off your chest… Still a bit of lingering bitterness towards me?" She nodded slowly, her arms raising up and her hands planting themselves at her hips, a look of challenge on her face. "Mmm hmm… Maybe you decided to revert to a little passive aggressive game play instead?"

Mac stared at her for a moment, taken aback by the confrontational attitude she'd displayed from the moment he'd walked in. He couldn't be entirely certain what she was referring to, as she hadn't pinpointed what had set her off. But, judging from her words, he could only assume it was the fact he'd shared his concerns about Jo's well-being with Cade, just as she'd shared her concerns about him with Christine so many months ago. He'd certainly hesitated last night before doing so; but, in the end he'd felt Cade should know. For Jo's sake.

He was beginning to realize now just how Jo must have felt back then. Worried about his health and desperate for some reassurance that all was well, or at least for some indication of how she could help if it wasn't. Yet, she'd been repulsed by that brick wall he'd erected around his condition after returning to the Lab. Of course she'd sought out Christine - not out of any meddlesome urge, but rather out of concern for him. Or, as Jo had phrased it at brunch the other day, out of "love". He knew she cared for him deeply. That had been obvious from the start. And he felt the same for her. Yet he'd seemed to manage to do everything he could of late to push her further and further away from those feelings. He'd thought they'd patched things up for the most part over the weekend, but it now seemed the progress he'd thought they'd made may have been somewhat illusory.

He noted she was still standing right in front of him, her hands still planted on her hips, her foot tapping rhythmically against the floor, staring directly at him. She was clearly waiting for some response. As he stared back at her, he found his feelings pinballing from the gut reaction to defend himself in the face of her stinging words, to the more intellectual impetus to apologize to her again, realizing just how strongly he'd overreacted so many months ago, and finally, to the more primal urge to burst into laughter at the rather incongruous image of her chewing him out while clad in nothing but a shaggy old white bathrobe, somewhat resembling the pelt of an aged polar bear.

Mac took a long, deep breath, trying to even his emotions and quash the smile he knew was on the verge of winning out over the other two more serious responses. He was not relishing by any means the thought of reliving some of Jo's finer argumentative moments from the past weekend. As he thought very carefully about how to formulate a response, he realized he was still holding the bags from the bakery he'd stopped by to pick up breakfast for everyone. Having assumed Ellie and Cade would be present as well, he'd shown up with a large amount of food and drink and it was beginning to weigh heavily in his outstretched arms. She was still glaring at him and he watched as she slowly crossed her arms in front of her chest like armor, preparing for battle.

He swallowed. "Jo. Can I at least set down breakfast before we revert to fisticuffs? I'm at a slight disadvantage here, my hands weighed down and all…" He flashed a reserved smile her way, hoping against hope that she was just tired from her late night; that some humor might pull her out of her funk.

She eyed him a moment, her eyes narrowing to slits, annoyed at the slightly playful edge to his voice, which she found completely inappropriate at the moment. But a second later she huffed and, still glaring, reached out and grabbed the bag of pastries with one hand. A second later, she reached out with the other hand and grabbed the cardboard drink carrier from him, intending to deposit them in the kitchen before returning to confront Mac.

The moment the full weight of the drinks was transferred into her grasp, she inhaled sharply, wincing, as the sudden pain shot through her upper arm where the bullet had grazed across the muscle last night, the taught stitches pulling uncomfortably. Mac watched in growing horror as she jerked her arm back, the fingers opening reflexively, breaking contact with the handle of the drink carrier and sending it on a free-fall directly towards the floor.

The two large coffees, hot tea and hot chocolate managed to break free of the confines of the carrier and began plummeting in seeming slow motion towards the hardwood floor of the entryway. They were followed shortly thereafter by the bag of pastries as Jo spontaneously released her grip on it as well in order to reach across her body and coddle her aching arm.

Mac had the presence of mind to step away slightly to avoid the impending explosion once the cups hit; but Jo, focused on the throbbing pain in her arm, was slower to react. Each paper cup hit the floor in rapid succession, each plastic lid jettisoning itself into the air upon impact followed by a shower of hot liquid erupting outward in every imaginable direction. Jo stumbled backwards only at the last moment, turning her face and cringing as she anticipated the stinging burn of the hot liquid across the bottom half of her bare legs and feet under her robe. But a moment later, she felt only the slightest discomfort at her ankles as a minor spray coated her there. Realizing she'd instinctively shielded her face with her good arm, she slowly lowered it and opened her eyes to find Mac staring at her, a mixture of sheepish guilt and guarded concern written across his features.

She furrowed her brow, following his eyes as they trailed slowly downwards where her gaze suddenly froze at the sight of her leather jacket lying atop the steaming mess. She squinted. It was her other leather jacket, to be precise. Not the one she'd been shot in last night. Not the one that was already wrecked from the bullet hole. This was definitely her other one. Previously in pristine condition. Until now. She frowned. He must have grabbed it off the rack right next to him at the very last second and thrown it down, a make-shift shield to contain some of the burning liquid before it splashed further outwards and coated them both. An ingenious solution, she had to admit. Had it not been her good leather coat. Her blank stare caught sight of the doormat behind him – if only he'd thought to grab it up instead – then her eyes trailed slowly back upwards to meet his own hesitant gaze for just a moment, before sliding across to glance momentarily at the coat rack, eyeing the numerous other, much more washable options, he could just as easily have grabbed as well. Ellie's vinyl raincoat perchance? She sighed softly.

Her gaze shifted back to stare at him, and Mac returned her stare, trying desperately to read her expression but failing miserably.

She blinked once. She could probably have the jacket cleaned; it had certainly survived numerous rainstorms already. She blinked again, and caught his gaze, heavy upon her. She knew he'd only been trying to protect her from the burn of the coffee. She should at least thank him. She opened her mouth to speak, and Mac leaned slightly forwards to hear her. As he did so, his overcoat and suit jacket shifted and her eye caught the glint of his badge, already clipped to his belt although he wasn't even on shift yet. She swallowed, her attention now drawn to the NYPD insignia and her mind's focus on her coat was subsumed by a rapid succession of images from the past four days.

In her mind's eye, she relived abridged versions of the mob attack on the Precinct Friday, the search with Danny and Lindsay in the dark of night for the real perpetrators of the jewelry store robbery, the team's much needed outing to decompress on the roof of the Precinct, Mac's absence from it that seemed to impact no one but her. She frowned, recalling her sickening attempt to seek relief in that bottle of scotch later that night, resulting in her abbreviated brunch with Mac the next morning, their argument at her apartment, their tense ride up to Albany… She cringed, recalling how her clumsiness had resulted in them sleeping together (in the most literal sense only of course, but still…), culminating in her dream-induced efforts at feeling him up (also, unfortunately, in the most literal sense). Her expression then morphed into one of pain, as the crime scene in that damned alley the next night took precedence, followed by the confrontation in the gas station, Mac's close call, her own injury and subsequent trip to the hospital, Cade's genuine care and concern for her - and her rather offhand dismissal of his more amorous efforts… Now she'd just succeeded in destroying their breakfast, making a mess of her entryway. Herself. And Mac. And then, if he hadn't just topped everything off by managing to wreck her only remaining leather coat.

She blinked a third time. Slowly. She was trying, so hard, to regain her focus on that damned jacket… But to no avail. As her eyes opened again, the remaining images from the last few days, the ones she'd managed to stave off to this point, surged to the forefront of her thoughts. Images of herself, gun in hand, adrenaline coursing through her, split second decision-making, finger depressing the trigger, on no less than two separate occasions, to shoot no less than two people, stone cold dead, over the course of a mere seventy-two hours. A muscle in her cheek twitched uncontrollably. Her lip trembled ever so slightly and she clenched her teeth hard together in an attempt to curtail the breakdown she could feel welling up inside of her, forcing its way to the surface.

"Jo…?" Mac had been watching, his initial worry about her arm replaced with a growing sense of overall concern as he watched the sudden change in her expression, in her demeanor. Whatever they'd been about to argue over was cast from his mind, replaced by anxiety over Jo's state of mind. He'd known something was not right with her for a few days now, and had assumed it was related to the shooting. But it seemed to be getting worse. And he was still at a loss as to what to do about it, not knowing the exact source of her angst. He glanced down, watching as trickles of deep brown liquid began seeping beyond the edges of Jo's coat, spreading out in all directions. He knew he should clean up the spill, and soon, or risk destruction not only of her coat, but the entire floor of the entryway and the living room rug as well…

He hesitated, then glanced back up at Jo, just as she blinked yet again, dislodging a single tear from her left eye. Mac found his gaze drawn to it, transfixed, watching as it glided down over the rise of her cheek bone, across the hollow underneath, where it continued its descent to the edge of her face, only to change course and follow the line of her jawbone to the very center of her chin. It hung there for a breathless moment until Jo closed both her eyes, the most trivial of movements, but enough to cause a slight tremor to radiate out over her face and cause the drop to shudder for an instant before plunging onto the exposed skin of her lower neckline, just between the V-shaped folds of her robe there. The tear continued on its journey, sliding downwards through the valley of her cleavage until it was enveloped by the white fluff of her robe.

"Jo…" Mac spoke again, this time somewhat more loudly. Still not getting any response, he took a hesitant step forwards narrowly missing the spill. The last thing he wanted to do now was deal with that. He glanced down, reaching out to pick up the doormat and dropping it over the remaining rivulets. Satisfied that the spill was sufficiently contained for now, he turned his full attention to Jo, moving slightly closer to her. Her eyes remained closed and she took a single step away from him as she shook her head once, nearly imperceptibly, as if trying to ward off his approach. But the only effect it had was to send a few additional tears cascading on their own journey in the same direction as their earlier, lone counterpart.

She raised a trembling hand to harshly brush them away, her eyes closed still and her hand remaining on her face, as if such actions might allow her to hide from the truth, might allow her to continue to believe that everything in her life, over the past few days, was just one big, unpleasant dream. That all was, in fact, just fine and dandy. But it wasn't.

"Jo… Tell me what's going on… Please…" Mac's voice was barely above a whisper. But before he'd even finished speaking, he could see that he would get nothing from her now. Her shoulders were trembling with the effort of restraining her emotions. She looked as if she were biting her lip so hard she might draw blood at any moment. Despite her hand covering her upper face, he could see the tears beginning to flow more freely now. Yet she made not a single sound.

He reached out with his right hand then stopped short, rethinking his strategy and retracting that arm, reaching out instead with his left, so that he could place a tentative hand on her uninjured right shoulder. She started slightly, but made no move to shake him off. He hesitated, expecting her to take the initiative any second, to back away, or pull him into an embrace, or perhaps even speak. Something. But she did nothing. Said nothing. His brow furrowed for the slightest of moments, but then, accepting that it would have to be up to him, and him alone, to figure out what she needed most right now, he reached out carefully with his other hand as well, avoiding her wound, and pulled her into a hesitant yet gentle embrace.

She still didn't move in response. And neither did Mac, fearing that perhaps he'd misjudged the whole situation. Gotten this all wrong. Made her more uncomfortable instead of comforting her. This was not his forté; it was hers. But then, that was the irony here. This was Jo. This was what she'd do for him, if the situation were reversed, was it not? What she'd do for anyone on the team if the tables were turned. He stood stock still, debating whether or not to release her and move away, as was his wont; or to continue in this same, rather unfamiliar vein, following her usual example, in hopes that deep down, he might actually know better what she needed at that moment than she did.

When he finally felt her arms snake slowly out and wrap themselves around him, he finally allowed his shoulders to relax somewhat, his grip around her to tighten ever so slightly, and he held her against him as he felt her body give way to the full onslaught of her emotions. Her shoulders sagged, trembling against his chest. Her body leaned more heavily into his, pressing nearly her entire weight against him, and he had to tighten his grip further and shift his stance to keep them both from falling over. He listened, or rather felt, as her breath came in deep, silent gasps. Her tears fell unrestrained now; he could feel them dripping against his cheek and chin, down between his coat and shirt, soaking his neck, his shoulder, his upper chest. And finally, a single, heart wrenching sob escaped from between her lips as her hands reached further up and gripped at the back of his coat.

They stood like that for what Mac was certain must have been at least three or four minutes. Neither spoke. Neither moved. Until Mac sensed her tears becoming fewer, coming farther apart. Her breathing became slightly more even and her trembling reduced to an occasional shudder rather than a consistent shaking. He loosened his hold on her, not moving away, but waiting until she seemed ready to respond similarly. He felt her relax slightly and he spoke.

"Let's sit down…" He murmured quietly, and when she didn't protest, he gently extracted himself from her embrace and turned slightly. Realizing he was still wearing his overcoat, he shrugged it off quickly to hang it on the coat rack and then reached out, placing one hand on the small of her back, the other onto her right arm, so that he could lead her over to the couch.

They moved slowly, Jo still leaning heavily on him, intently avoiding his gaze. Upon arriving in front of the couch, Mac moved slightly, intending to let go of her, but Jo seemed unwilling to break the contact. Instead, she gripped his arm back even harder as she moved to sit down heavily on the cushions, and Mac found himself being pulled downwards rather unceremoniously right next to her. Mac shifted his position until he was certain that he was neither too close, nor too far from her body, his hand still gently resting on her right arm, her own hand gripping him back much more forcefully. And they sat in complete silence for at least another minute until Jo finally frowned, loosening her grip on his arm and pulling her hand away rather sharply. She reached up with it to wipe the tears from her cheeks and let out a long breath.

He watched her carefully. "Is you arm ok?" It was a rather mundane question, but he didn't know how else to start in.

She tried to speak, but the words caught in her throat, and she closed her mouth a moment, trying to clear her voice before trying again.

"It's fine. Mac… I'm sorry. I think maybe you should go… I'm supposed to rest …"

He could hear the slightest tremor in her voice, and she was still avoiding his gaze. He frowned. "Jo. I'm not leaving here until you talk to me. Tell me what's going on." He paused a moment, but she didn't make any move to respond so he continued. "I may not be quite on par with your perceptive talents, but I'm not oblivious either. And this is not the Jo I've come to know over the past three years. I'm worried…about you."

He saw her brow furrow, but she was still looking downwards, staring at her hands in her lap, her right thumb and index finger picking randomly at a loose tuft of fuzz from her robe. She cleared her throat. "Is that what you told Cade? That you were worried?"

He frowned. This was not what he'd wanted to discuss, but he answered anyway hoping it would open the way for a more meaningful conversation about whatever was bothering her. "Yes."

"Is that all you told him?"

He hesitated, curious at her wording of the question. He quirked his brow. "Yes."

"But he knew about the shooting Friday…"

Mac nodded slowly, realizing the point of her inquiry now, and trying to figure out if she was more perturbed by his mentioning he was worried, or the fact he revealed she'd been involved in a shooting. "I mentioned I was worried about you, because you hadn't seemed yourself, ever since the shooting on Friday. I asked him to keep an eye on you. That's all."

She cocked her head, but still avoided looking at him. "Why?"

Mac let out a small, sarcastic laugh. "Because I was…and still am…worried about you. Since Cade was taking you home, I thought it was something he should be aware of. So he could be sure you were ok. So he could be sure he was taking care of you in every sense. If he hadn't been there, I'd have taken you home myself."

She chuckled halfheartedly, but it ended on a flat note. "You make me sound like a little lost puppy you picked up, abandoned, on the street."

He frowned. "Is that how you feel?"

She drew back and her gaze finally lifted to meet his, staring at him a moment. "Don't play the psychotherapist with me, Mac. If that's what I wanted, I'd've made an appointment with one first thing after you showed me that psych report yesterday…"

Mac glanced away, staring down at his hands a moment. The last thing he wanted to do was jeopardize a chance to get her to open up about what was really on her mind. But he was beginning to fear she still wasn't going to do so with him. She'd been avoiding the topic for days now. He thought a moment, weighing his next words very carefully, and tried a different tactic. "I'm no psychiatrist Jo. But, maybe just a couple visits with the department shrink wouldn't hurt after all…something's clearly bothering you. Maybe it would help to get it out in the open."

She glared. "Oh please. Tell me you're kidding. You know how useless they are."

Mac shrugged and looked back up at her. "Sometimes it can be helpful to talk…to someone…"

She closed her eyes, the only action she could think of right then that would keep them from rolling out of their sockets in the face of the irony of his comment. When she felt more in control, she opened her eyes again, looking deeply into his for a moment. And saw nothing but honest concern therein. Just as he'd shown her all weekend. She took a slow, deep breath before finally opening her mouth to speak in a low, shaky voice.

"Yes, you're right Mac. It can be helpful to talk to someone." She paused a moment, then continued. "Mac, when I left the Precinct Friday night… When I walked away from everyone up on that roof deck…I really didn't head out with the intention of going home alone to drown my sorrows with a bottle of alcohol. Far from it. The first thing that actually entered my mind was that if this were a year ago, I would have sought _you_ out. To talk." She smiled wistfully before continuing, her eyes trailing away from his gaze, seemingly deep in some memory. Mac found himself leaning slightly forwards, anticipating her next words.

Her voice took on a dreamlike quality, almost as if she were recounting a story from long ago. "I figured I would have found you sitting behind piles of paperwork at your desk, despite the late hour. And as soon as I showed up, you would've put down your pen, or the file you were reading, sat back in your chair and listened with that wise, yet subtly bemused look on your face. While I would've talked your ear right off. Until I finally stopped to catch my breath. And you'd pipe up with a few choice…but insightful - and painfully honest - words. Managing to very succinctly sum up just exactly what I needed to hear. Not necessarily what I wanted to hear, mind you; but…just what I needed to hear. And I would have smiled through my tears. You would have given me that little half smirk, half smile of yours. Maybe raised your eyebrows at just how dimwitted your second in command could be on occasion. Handed me a tissue. And then…" She shrugged softly. "I don't know. Then, maybe we would have gone out for a burger… Or a quick drink… Or even just smiled and gone our separate ways. But everything would have been ok after that. I would've gotten whatever was bothering me off my chest so I could move on, you would've had the satisfaction of managing to keep me sane yet again, and everything would have been good between us. Because that's the kind of relationship we have. Had." The wistful smile fell from her face and a shadow darkened her gaze. "Or, that I thought we had."

She paused to take in a rather trembling breath. Mac had been listening intently, the image she'd conjured of the two of them sitting in his office chatting, her picture perfect description of how their talks often played out, making him smile softly in spite of himself. But it was quickly replaced with a frown, as he began to really think about just how long it truly had been since they'd had such a conversation with her. As friends.

As Mac continued to eye her, he saw her brow crease further and further with each passing second. Finally, she shook her head as if some unnerving memory, invisible, yet persistent as a gnat, were assailing her thoughts. When she continued, her voice was slightly rougher than before, with just a hint of sarcasm. "You know, Mac… All along, I'd been aware of that slight imbalance in our relationship. The fact that it _was_ always me coming to you with my problems. And I'd always figured it was just because you didn't quite know how to react to me." A slight smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she glanced furtively at him. "I know I can be rather overwhelming sometimes… people don't always have a sense of how to behave around me." Mac started to chuckle but her apparent amusement quickly turned sour and Mac found himself with a frown matching her own by the time she continued.

"Honestly, Mac, from day one, I'd always pegged you as the very private, rather shy, silent type, yet very intense deep down. There's a lot going on in that head of yours. And I figured you'd be a tough one to crack. I assumed you'd never really opened up to me because you were just a little too…well, maybe not shy, so much as reserved. Even a little bit nervous around me. But I always felt that didn't detract from our friendship. We were still close. And I always knew that eventually…well. That things would take a turn and you'd finally open up one day." She nodded slightly. "And then you did." Her nod of affirmation morphed into a shake of disapproval. "But not with me. Rather, it was Christine that held that special place for you."

She glanced up almost shyly at Mac, then turned back to staring at her lap. "Which is fine, of course. Christine's great. You two make a wonderful couple. But it made me think about our relationship Mac. And I started to wonder if it wasn't your shyness or your nerves or your need for privacy that prevented you from opening up to me after all. Because you were able to do so with Christine in a much shorter time frame. I was worried that maybe it was that you just didn't consider me close enough to share yourself with."

They sat in uncomfortable silence for nearly a minute. Mac knowing he should say something, but unable to do so for the moment. And Jo, rather than looking at him expectantly, simply staring down at the thin strip of couch cushion between them. She finally continued.

"But no, that didn't really ring true at first. I still felt we were close Mac. You opened up, relaxed a little after Christine came into your life. And I figured out friendship was still intact. And that, one day, especially with Christine's influence in your life, you'd finally be a bit more open with me. But then…that one moment when it all became very clear. That this… 'relationship' we had…only worked one way. That it had always been _me _coming to _you_. And always would be me coming to you. You'd never come to me. That one time I really tried to push you to do so… To really open up to me… Because I was worried about you Mac. You pushed me away so definitely..." She closed her eyes a moment and looked briefly away, trying to regain control over her emotions. When she turned her gaze back to Mac and opened her eyes, they were glossy. But he could discern a distinct bitterness behind her expression. She shook her head again. "No. You didn't just push. You shoved me away. With every ounce of strength you had."

She winced, as if something had just hit her in the fact. And Mac cringed, knowing that what was assailing her was the memory of what he'd said to her after finding Tommy Lewis' body.

She shook her head. "But Mac, did you really have to go so far? Did you have to be so hurtful? It seemed so out of character for you. And in that one day, the realization finally came to me – that perhaps deep down you didn't really care for me all that much in the first place, but you just didn't know how to say 'no'. Until finally, after three years, you got so fed up with what you saw as my meddling in your affairs, you just up and shut the door on our 'friendship' completely. Made it clear, in no uncertain terms…that I was not a welcome part of your personal life. And never would be." She hesitated slightly, and Mac opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head, indicating she hadn't finished. "It's fine Mac. I guess it just came as a bit of a surprise. Because I'd really thought there was…a closeness…a bond between us. And I'm not usually wrong about people. And yet, here I was, completely out in left field when it came to my impression of you. For a while too. I was wrong about the nature of our relationship. About the depth of our friendship. And maybe even about whether we were really friends at all; because 'friendship' can't be one-sided; it has to be mutual to be genuine."

She sighed long and hard before continuing, Mac feeling as if he were shrinking with each sentence she spoke. "So I took your lead, Mac. I stepped away from you as well. Started giving you your space. Keeping my distance. Maybe one last hope… To see what might happen. And you know, nothing really did. It didn't seem to phase you in the least. So I pretty much accepted that we weren't friends. Never had been. We were nothing but co-workers. Period. Good co-workers, maybe. But nothing more. Until you called me up Saturday and invited me to brunch. And brought up all this mess that I've spent so much time pondering. I'd thought I had it all figured out; thought I'd come to terms with just being colleagues. Letting you go on about your own personal life, sharing it with Christine. But now…well, I'm just so confused Mac. About everything"

Mac had been listening to her so intently he hadn't realized that she'd absent-mindedly begun pulling at a loose thread on the edge of his suit jacket. He furrowed his brow as she continued to tug at it, watching as it got longer with each movement of her fingers. He realized too late that the thread was attached to the lower button of his suit jacket at the other end. Before Mac could stop her, Jo's fingers gave it a final twirl, the thread pulled loose completely, and Mac's button went flying off and onto the coffee table. Jo jumped, startled at the unexpected outcome of her nervous fidgeting, and quickly leaned forwards to grab it up at the exact instant that Mac did the same. Jo reached it a split second before Mac did, his fingers alighting on the back of her hand just as hers closed around the button. But instead of moving away as she would have expected him to do, he hesitated only a moment before clasping his hand more tightly over her own. She glanced over at him, a look of curiosity on her face. He merely looked at her a moment, his face laden with regret, before he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Jo. For making you think that. About me. About us. I think I care about you much more than I've let even myself realize over these past three years. You were right all along about our friendship, Jo – it is there…always has been…I just got a little lost along the way."

She looked at him a moment. They were so close, and he was staring at her so intently, that she suddenly had the rather unexpected sensation he was about to lean over and kiss her. But in the next moment he merely cast her a rueful smile, which she returned before turning her gaze back down to their hands, his still clasped tightly over hers. She was still leaning forwards enabling her to reach the button, and the awkward angle was beginning to hurt her back. She shifted slightly, causing her own hand to move, which in turn prompted him to loosen his hold on hers, but still not let go. She leaned slowly back into the couch, her hand and Mac's still entwined, moving back as well. Once she was comfortable, she gently withdrew her hand from his and placed the button in his palm. "Sorry for the button…" She mumbled. He fingered it a moment, holding it almost reverently as if it were some sort of treasure, feeling as the warmth infused therein from her hand slowly dissipated until it was nothing but a cold, hard, black button again. He slipped it into his jacket pocket, causing his badge clipped underneath to come into view again.

She frowned slightly as the sunlight glinted off the metal and she stared at it, her expression becoming taught. "I really needed a friend last Friday night, Mac. But you just didn't seem a viable option anymore. Hadn't for quite a while. If only your call Saturday had come earlier… If only we'd had this discussion sooner." She trailed off, lost in thought a moment.

Mac hesitated, not wanting to interrupt her introspection, but her words had disturbed him. "Jo, you make it sound as if it's too late…"

She furrowed her brow and took a deep breath. "You know…another thing that really hit me that night up on the roof of the Precinct…" she stopped again, swallowing hard, and looked away for just a moment. Mac looked at her curiously, wondering whether shed even heard his comment. But he held hope that perhaps she was going to divulge what was really bothering her. Taking another hint from the example she'd set so many times early on in their relationship, he reached out tentatively and placed his hand again over hers in her lap. She was always touching him. A light touch on his hand or arm or shoulder. Occasionally even his face. Initially he'd found it awkward; but in the end he'd come to appreciate the warmth it conveyed, not just physically but more so, the emotional closeness it imparted. Yet she seemed startled by his uncharacteristic action now, and stared down at his hand on hers for a long moment before continuing.

"This has been going on for a while, I suppose. But…up there on that roof, I really realized just how lonely I felt, sitting there surrounded by everyone. And having accepted the fact a while ago that you weren't really my friend… Well, I wasn't really sure who was. Who would I go to now, to share the burden of my worries and fears and insecurities? Because that night, I certainly had plenty to share. Yet, there I was, surrounded by all these people that I love, almost like family. And yet I didn't feel I had the sort of relationship with any of them, where I could just walk up, sit down and open up about whatever was bothering me. I wanted to talk to you so badly that night Mac…"

Mac sighed, tightening his grip on her hand, and when he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. "Why didn't you?"

Jo choked back a laugh. Or perhaps it was a sob. Mac wasn't certain, but he was well aware that her eyes were welling up with tears again. She cast her gaze downwards, away from his penetrating stare, and a tiny teardrop fell onto Mac's hand as she did so. He stared at it, unwilling to brush it away, as if such a gesture would be too reminiscent of how he had treated her so dismissively over the past months. She sighed. "I just told you why. Because I wanted to talk to the Mac from a year ago. Two years ago. The day I started at the Lab. The Mac I thought I had a friendship with. Yet it turns out, he doesn't exist anymore. Or…maybe he never really did. Just a figment of my desperate imagination."

Jo's words stung him as nothing had in quite a long while. His body, his features, his expression, remained frozen in place, in time. While his thoughts, his feelings, were shooting off in a million different directions all in that precise moment. Confusion, insecurity, anger, disappointment, shame, all jostled for a place at center stage along with a string of memories from her three years at the Lab that kept inserting themselves into the show. He shook his head, trying to quell the maelstrom of emotions whirling around in his mind. But the one image he couldn't seem to shake was the one of Jo, amidst all the people she spent the most time with, the people she'd confessed to feeling nothing but love for, yet still feeling so alone. And right then, he wanted nothing more than to just be there for her, even if it was rather late. To be there for her the way she wanted – no, needed - him to be. The way he knew, deep down, he could be for her. He swallowed the lump in his throat and prayed that his voice wouldn't waver. "Jo, that Mac from a year ago, and before? You weren't wrong. He does exist. Still. Always did. Maybe he was sidetracked by his own pride and stubbornness and self-absorption for a while. But he's here, right now. And he'd like nothing more than to be your friend. Please, talk to me Jo."

She bit her lip, trying to figure out where to start. To figure out whether she even wanted to start. She slowly let those thoughts of the shootings infiltrate her consciousness, little by little, when Mac's cell phone began buzzing in his pocket, causing them both to jump. Mac cringed and withdrew his hand slowly from hers as he glanced down at his watch. He wasn't on call; his shift didn't start for three more hours. As he pulled out his phone, he furrowed his brow, curious as to who might be calling him. It was Christine. He realized he hadn't actually talked to her since returning home so late from the hospital last night. She'd been asleep when he arrived home, and still had been when he left early this morning. Now was not the time, though. He let the call go to voicemail and he leaned forwards to slide the phone back into his pocket, glancing at Jo as he did so. She'd already stood up and was taking a step away from him.

"Jo…"

She shook her head. She'd seen Christine's image on his phone screen. She nodded at the phone, sniffling as she rubbed at her nose. "Take the call. I need to blow my nose anyway." She glanced at the entryway. "And then I'd better clean up that spill or the landlord's going to have a heart attack the next time he stops by." She took another step away, just as the phone began ringing again and Jo glanced meaningfully at him.

"Mac, you should answer it this time. Knowing you, you haven't spoken to her for hours. She's probably worried." Then she turned hurriedly and walked away, just as Mac stood. He fished out his phone but glancing at the screen, saw that it wasn't Christine this time but rather Danny. Who would be in charge now with him and Jo both off. He glanced after Jo, feeling the need to tell her, but she'd already disappeared down the hall. He frowned and, sitting back down, accepted the call.

"Taylor."

"_Yeah, Mac. Listen… I know you're off. But we're strugglin' here with Jo bein' out today after last night's shooting, and Sheldon out sick with the flu. Ton of evidence to process from this last crime scene; we're talkin' over three hundred wine glasses. Used, needless to say. Maybe half of 'em broken. And that's just the beginning. Adam's near catatonic starin' at all those evidence boxes piling up around him. We're workin' on gettin' a few night shift techs to come in but it won't be 'til late afternoon. I don't suppose there's any chance you might like ta give up your morning off and come join the party here at the Lab… Flack personally went out and got a supply of donuts and a couple a jugs a that good coffee from down the street…"_

Mac couldn't decide whether to frown or smile. Normally, he'd probably have gone in already anyway, but right now that was the last thing he wanted to do. When he didn't respond right away, Danny picked up on the uncharacteristic hesitation from his boss and cleared his throat.

"_Ya know, it's ok if you got plans. Even just showin' up...say an hour earlier would be good. Any little bit'll help. And Flack ate most of the donuts himself already, so there's probably no need to rush in for those." _

Mac finally opted to smile at Danny's humor…and restrained persistence. An hour earlier… That would still give him an hour here with Jo. "Sure, Danny. I'll be in by 11… I've got something to take care of first. But call me if anything urgent comes up." He could hear Danny's sigh of relief.

"_Thanks Mac. What would we do without ya?"_

"You'd be calling up Jo right now instead of me…" He responded dryly, and Danny laughed, bidding Mac farewell before ending the call. Mac hesitated a moment, looking towards the hallway down which Jo had disappeared earlier. There was no sign of her yet. He frowned, fearing he'd lost his chance at getting her to open up. He'd really thought they'd resolved their personal issues over the weekend, yet clearly she was still harboring a fair amount of bitterness and distress over their fallout. That he'd rather unwittingly set in motion. He hoped they hadn't drifted so far apart, that there would be no hope of ever finding each other's friendship again.

He leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees and his forehead resting on his clasped hands. He was at a loss right now as to what to do, and he shook his head, trying to determine his next move. Continue to try to regain her trust, rebuild their friendship…or just step away and leave her be for the time being. Give her some space. He opened his eyes and they fell upon a magazine lying on the coffee table, open to an advertisement for some novel with several quotes from the book throughout. His eyes trailed down the page, scanning the words there without really registering their meaning. Until he started, and his eyes trailed back upwards to re-read one particular quote.

"It didn't make you noble to step away from something that wasn't working, even if you thought you were the reason for the malfunction. Especially then. It just made you a quitter. Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution. The only way to find out was to take another shot."*

Mac stared at the book a moment, then rose up slowly. Of course… He wouldn't give up so easily. That wasn't in his nature. He'd tough it out until the bitter end. Until they'd rebuilt their friendship, or until he was certain there was no hope to do so. He headed down the hall. As he neared the bathroom, he could hear water running. He thought perhaps she'd decided to take a shower and he hesitated. Glancing behind him, he noticed the spill and decided that would certainly serve to keep him occupied while he waited for her to finish. He headed towards the kitchen to find something to clean it up just as his phone rang again. He fumbled it from his pocket to see Christine's face smiling at him. He accepted the call as he searched through the closet for a mop.

"Christine?"

"_Hey… I was wondering if I hadn't just dreamed you coming home last night - there was no sign of you at all when I woke up this morning. Everything ok?"_

Mac smiled, realizing he probably should have at least woken her this morning to say good-bye. He hesitated in responding, realizing he hadn't really thought through exactly what all he wanted to reveal to her just yet about last night's events. He hadn't even mentioned Jo had been shot… Or more importantly, that it had happened in the context of him nearly being shot again as well.

"_Mac? Are you ok?"_

He could detect the alarm rising up in her voice and hurried to respond.

"Christine. I'm fine. Don't worry. A little tired, but fine." He paused before continuing, intending to work up to the news he had to share, but instead he found the words tumbling unbidden from his mouth. "Jo was shot last night…"

He was interrupted by Christine's gasp. _"Oh, Mac… Is she ok?"_

Mac nodded although he knew she couldn't see him. "She's fine - just grazed her arm. She's already back home – that's where I am now…" He trailed off, deciding he didn't want to go into details and tell Christine he'd nearly been shot himself. That was something he should bring up in person later…

"_Is she right there? Can I talk to her?"_

While Christine's concern didn't surprise him, her request to speak with Jo caught him off guard. "Uhh… She's in the shower right now. I brought breakfast over. Before my shift starts… But they're already overwhelmed at the Lab. So I'm heading in early… Jo's off, so…"

"_Will she still be able to come to dinner this weekend?"_

Mac had forgotten about that already. He furrowed his brow slightly. "Well, I think so. Lets see how she's feeling later in the week. It's only Tuesday."

"_Well, tell her I'll pray for a speedy recovery."_ He heard her exhale loudly. _"Mac… Do you think we could plan on dinner tonight? Just the two of us? I know you have a later shift than usual… But maybe a late dinner to go along with it?"_

"Christine…" He sighed, rubbing his free hand down his face and closed his eyes for a moment. He was so tired. "You have no idea how much I'd like that. Let's just…make it happen. Even if it's midnight. I could really use a couple hours of…calm…with you. I love you Christine."

He could almost hear Christine's smile over the phone as she bid him good-bye_. "I love you too Mac. Let me know when you think you'll come home tonight. And please…be safe."_

"Always. I should go."

"'_Bye."_ And she hung up before he could utter the same.

He slid the phone into his pocket, thinking about the fact that she'd been referring to her apartment the two times she referred to him 'coming home', yet they hadn't actually discussed where they would live together… Once they were married. He tried to imagine all his things mixed in with hers, and he chuckled slightly. Their decorating styles weren't exactly similar, or even complementary, but he expected they'd figure it out when the time came.

He slid the phone back into his pocket, and grabbed the mop, rags and trash bags he'd found. As he exited the kitchen, he glanced again at the hallway. Still no sign of Jo. Beginning to get concerned, he laid down the supplies on the entry floor and headed down the hall, pausing again just outside the bathroom. He was about to call her name when he heard the toilet flush. Deciding to leave her be a few minutes longer, he headed back out to clean.

Ten minutes later, Mac was just tying the last trash bag when he heard the door open down the hall. Glancing up expectantly, he watched as Jo slowly made her way into the living area, pausing a few steps from him. He looked at her curiously. Her complexion was pallid and she was still dressed in the same white bathrobe, her hair dry, no indication whatsoever she'd been showering. For the first time that morning, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and wondered whether they'd been there all along and he'd just missed them.

Mac approached warily. "Jo… Are you ok?"

She waved her hand dismissively then shook her head. "The painkillers or the antibiotics or…something is upsetting my stomach. That's all. I'll be ok."

He frowned slightly. "Jo, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to take the pills with food, aren't you? Have you eaten?" But he shook his head before she answered. "I guess not. I just cleaned our breakfast off the floor. I could go out and get something else…" And he nodded towards the door.

She scoffed. "Mac don't be silly. I have food here. I'll just make something."

He shook his head, taking a few more steps forward and, hesitating only slightly, placed his hand on her good shoulder. "No. Come on in the kitchen. _I'll _make _you_ something."

She was about to protest when Mac interrupted. "If you're not feeling well, why don't I make you one of those smoothies… Like I did Saturday morning when you were hungover?"

Jo chuckled softly, then looked up at him, a wan smile appearing on her lips. "You do realize this is becoming an unfortunately regular occurrence? You showing up at my apartment and me getting sick. I might start to think it has something to do with you!"

Mac looked at her askance. "Well, thanks. I'm touched you think I have that effect on you."

They smiled at each other and turned to head towards the kitchen.

Once there, Jo sat at the table and watched as Mac prepared her drink behind the breakfast bar. He kept glancing up at her, and she kept smiling back reassuringly. But after a few minutes, Jo sensed he was trying to find the right moment to try and recommence their aborted conversation from the couch. So she piped up with the first thing that entered her mind to distract him.

"So – how's Christine anyway?"

Mac frowned as he peeled a banana. "She's fine. But it was Danny on the second call. They're overwhelmed with evidence. I'm going to go in a little early and help out."

She perked up. "Oh, well Mac, I can go in and help process too – I'm not crippled. I'll just be a bit slow. But better than being short-staffed. I won't go out in the field…"

He stared at her oddly. "Jo, you can't, after the shooting. Twenty-four hours admin leave – desk duty only."

She groaned. "Oh damn. I'd forgotten about that. For all of five minutes…" Her voice trailed away.

Mac stopped to peer at her from behind the counter. His voice took on a rather harsh tone when he finally spoke. "Jo, would you just tell me what's been on your mind lately? We've been dancing around it for days. You keep telling me how desperately you needed to talk Friday, yet when I offer to listen, you just shut down. It's becoming frustrating."

Jo knew she was nearing the end of Mac's patience, but she couldn't do this now. She rubbed her hand over her face and looked at him. "Mac… Please. I got barely three hours of sleep last night. I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday, unless you count whatever the hospital pumped into my veins. And the medication's making me dizzy. You're right, Mac. I did want to talk Friday. And I still do. Really I do. But just not now. I just want to eat something and get some rest now. Ok?"

Mac continued to stare at her, saying nothing, silently daring her to look away without speaking. She frowned and cast her eyes away, but spoke up nonetheless. "I just had some issues with the shooting, that's all." She mumbled evasively.

When he didn't say anything, she glanced up and continued hesitantly. "It's just…not easy to take someone's life, Mac."

Mac frowned. "Of course not Jo. It shouldn't be. But it's not the first time. You've shot people before..."

She scoffed, interrupting him before he could finish his thought. "You say that as if it should start to felt like a routine occurrence. Like filing paperwork or filling out time sheets. Lord, if that ever happens, Mac…"

"That's not what I meant Jo. It's an unfortunate part of our job. But you've never been more than professional your whole career – your record is exemplary - every shooting you've ever been involved in was by the books. No question. Ever."

She shook her head. "That doesn't mean it doesn't take its toll. There's always a certain level of discomfort in taking another's life. Even if it seemed warranted. Even if you followed all the rules."

"I'm just curious what was so different about this last shooting that it's had such an effect on you?"

But she merely shrugged and glanced up at him. "Do we really have to talk bout this now Mac? I'm tired. Hungry. And sore. I just want to drink that milkshake you've been holding in your hand since you finished making it ten minutes ago and take a nap. Is that too much to ask?"

He pursed his lips. "I can't force you to talk. But promise me this… That you'll come to me, or someone, when you're ready. You can call me, Jo...anytime. Please? Will you do that?"

She raised her hands up in a gesture of surrender and nodded.

Mac frowned. "I'm not joking Jo." He came around the bar holding her glass in his hand, but paused before reaching the table. "In the meantime, I'm going to put you on medical leave for the rest of the week, for your arm."

"What?" He didn't need to look at her expression to tell that she was livid. "You don't trust me…"

Mac shook his head. "No. I'm just not convinced you trust yourself right now. That's worse. Take some time. Work out whatever's bothering you. I'm happy to talk about it. If you decide to open up."

Her eyes were narrow slits. "So… You're punishing me for not talking to you right now?"

Mac shook his head. "No. That's not what I said. I think you need a few days away from the job. I can put you on forced admin leave if you prefer."

She looked daggers at him. "You wouldn't do that…"

He gazed at her meaningfully. "I would if I thought the situation warranted it. And I think it might."

She sighed and looked away. Knowing she was fighting a losing battle. "Fine. I'll take the rest of the week off. Put it down as medical leave. For my arm. Don't you dare put me on forced admin leave."

He nodded and held out the glass with the milk banana and honey concoction. She glared at him a moment, but finally rolled her eyes and reached out to take it, murmuring her thanks and taking a deep drink.

She sighed, putting the glass down and Mac couldn't help but smirk at the milk mustache on her upper lift. He handed her a napkin and nodded towards her mouth before she frowned and wiped it away.

They sat in silence at the table until Mac glanced at his watch and looked at Jo. "I need to take off if I'm going to get to the Lab early."

She nodded and finished the last swallow of the smoothie before standing to accompany him to the door.

In the entryway, Mac was just reaching for his overcoat on the wall rack when Jo spoke up.

"So tell me… When you told Cade you were worried about me. Were you trying to show me how you felt when I confronted Christine about your aphasia? Trying to invade my private life, just like I invaded yours? Trying to make me see what it felt like?"

He withdrew his hand from the coat and turned to face her full on. He frowned, but looked directly into her eyes. "No. Jo. Not at all. I was truly concerned about you.

She shrugged. "So was I last fall. Yet your response was to shut me out of your life."

Mac shook his head. "And I was wrong. I understand now why you went to Christine then. If anything, this taught me a lesson, Jo. It's not a lesson for you about what it feels like to have one's privacy invaded. It's a lesson for me, about what it truly means to…love someone who's very important in your life – who's maybe not so good at realizing themselves when they should reach out for help."

They eyed each other for a long moment, before Mac frowned slightly. "Are we still friends? Because in my mind, we never stopped. I just forgot how to be one for a little while. I'm sorry."

She sighed. Then slowly nodded her head. "I think there might still be some hope for us Mac." And she nodded, smiling softly.

He smiled back. And reached out to hug her. "I've missed the 'old' you, Mac…" She mumbled against his shoulder. He smiled. "Me too, Jo. Me too."

Jo pondered whether he meant he'd missed her… Or that he himself had missed the 'old' Mac. But she decided she didn't really care either way. In the end perhaps it was really all the same.

He patted her back slightly and moved to draw back from the embrace. But as he did so, his lapel pin got caught in her fuzzy robe. Before it registered what was happening, his movement away from her pulled the folds of her robe out and open, revealing far more of her bust than she had done in front of anyone for quite a long while.

"Mac!" She yelped, trying to grab at her robe with her arm, but stopping as the pain shot through her shoulder once again. She winced and Mac looked down in horror as he realized what was happening. Just before the robe opened far enough to reveal her nipple, he froze completely, trying to avert his gaze, then realizing that if he was going to extricate himself from this…predicament he'd actually need to be able to see it.

"Jo… I'm sorry. Don't move. I'll fix it…"

She nodded, but he noticed how she was averting her gaze, a rosy shade coloring her previously pale cheeks.

Mac reached up with both hands, glancing down and doing his best to avoid looking at any part of her body, as he tried to disentangle the pin. When suddenly, they both heard the sound of a key scraping in her apartment door. Jo gasped, her eyes opening wide and Mac instinctively took a step away from Jo, pulling the robe open completely, just as the door opened to reveal Tyler and Ellie, with Cade in tow. They were all laughing, when suddenly all three of them stopped short and all conversation ceased.

Ellie was the first to break the silence. "Mom!?"

Cade followed. "Jo?"

Jo glanced from the trio to Mac, then turned her face from them all, trying to close her robe with her one good arm while still attached to Mac. "Mac…" she uttered, barely above a whisper.

Tyler simply stood in the doorway, his mouth agape at the sight of his mother, her robe hanging wide open, Mac's hand at her breast, and their faces a shade of red strikingly similar to the bunch of roses Cade held in his hand.

**A/N: I'm truly sorry for the terrible delay in posting this. The end of the school year and the beginning of summer took over my life. It's long enough it could count as two chapters, though ;) Hopefully things will be somewhat calmer for a little while. Thanks for sticking with the story… And happy summer to everyone.**

*_"It didn't make you noble to step away from something that wasn't working, even if you thought you were the reason for the malfunction. Especially then. It just made you a quitter. Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution. The only way to find out was to take another shot."_ ― Sarah Dessen, _Along for the Ride_


End file.
